how do you learn to trust alone?
So I have major trust issues and time and time again I am told that I need to work on myself and bring these things out until then I will be incapable of having a healthy relationship. I do believe in self-improvement in almost all cases that is something that has to be done within oneself by yourself essentially. in the case of learning to trust others though I can't imagine how one would learn to trust others without their being an other to trust. trust is built slowly through giving it and it not being betrayed also in believing you're having faith that you're being told the truth and allowing time to verify that. in both cases from my perspective it cannot be done alone requires participation of another. That being said again I acknowledge that I have you very large problem trusting others especially in a romantic relationship and I also acknowledge my near inability to do it without some factual support does make being in a healthy relationship seem almost impossible. Look forward to Boston opinions on this matter I personally am feeling stuck in my ability to see things in a different way.
@selfdisciplinedPenny4408,
admitting that you have trust issues is a major step.
A next step could be to be open and honest about it, being vulnerable without making it a major issues as that would make a relationship revolve around trust issues and I can tell you by experience, it's gonna kill any relationship no matter how deeply and purely you love each other.
I found this link which seems to hit bulls eye:
theselfspace.com/what-to-do-if-you-dont-trust-your-partner/
thank you I will look into that most definitely. I can't say it's to deciding factor as to why my previous relationship is in a state of failure but most certainly it has played a major role in it.
@selfdisciplinedPenny4408,
what I was trying to tell you is try to prevent to let it turn into a major issue.
What you could try is to recognize in time when your trust issues trigger you. Like for instance you notice getting tense, anxious, nauseous whenever you get triggered. So you can take a break, give yourself some time to ease down and then come back to talk.
Not easy, my triggers would take over until I was able to recognize them in time and take a break. Too late to save my marriage (my wife didn't trust me anymore having trust issues herself and I guess I fell victim too to her rather traumatic past).
What I'm trying to say, awareness is key. And a mature, aware partner will support you without taking your triggers personally.
Yes and I completely agree with most of that lol but unfortunately the relationship I've been in she has been unable to support me and takes it rather personally. my attempts to explain only add to the problem because she has been raised to be and is the type of person who doesn't like to talk about problems. obviously it's an impossible situation. but incredibly hard to let go of. we do both love one another. without going any further it's depressing. thank you for your feedback though it does validate my feelings and thoughts on many levels. and I continue to believe that ultimately it will take the right person to fully eliminate my distrust issues.
@selfdisciplinedPenny4408,
you're welcome.
As for trust issues, there's a difference between saying "I don't trust you" and asking yourself what you need to feel trust and feel trusted.
Someone might trigger you without knowing , without intent. I guess the trick it to recognize in you what happens in you when this happens. Before it becoming a pattern. Not easy though. You might feel distrust but deep down you might know you can trust the other when it comes down to it. What makes it more difficult is when there are fights or discussions as they always happen in a relationship. And it takes two aware, mature people to go beyond emotions and remember what it is all about. To love, the nurture that, and continuously build on it. As they say, love is a verb.
@selfdisciplinedPenny4408
I see what you're saying totally. I usually don't think of it as trust, as much as I think once a liar, always a liar. Unless the individual can truly show with actions, not words, how they did wrong and what they should have done, proving they learned from mistake made and not to repeat.....yep, that's a mouth full, then and only then can i give them my trust again. Sadly, no one has done anything like this, even when I've told them exactly what and how to make it right again between us. As far as strangers, who can trust anyone these days?
yeah I know what you mean. I continue to make it clear what needs to happen but it doesn't happen. I'm trying to figure out how to deal with it now. I don't want to hurt her I really want to go back to being friends. unfortunately I know that is rarely possible. still trying to figure out how to do it without hurting her.