Painful relationship with mother as an adult
I've never had a healthy relationship with my mother but didn't realize how unhealthy it was until I entered adulthood.
Even today, as a woman in my 30s I want what I never had - unconditional love from my mother and good advice.
Instead, the advice I get from her in regards to an abusive marriage is to ignore the bad things, mind my own business and I will be happy. I even clarified what she was saying multiple times with her, reading it back to her.
She genuinely believes in this being my solution. Ignore, and the pain will go away.
It's so hard. I come from a family that doesn't view men and women as equals. I don't subscribe to that. I feel so alone. The one woman in my life that's really the only example I've had growing up wants me to stick my head in the sand.
It hurts so much.
@brightTree5008 hi there, Tree. I am Kate, it is nice to meet you.
I can see how your mother's behavior toward you and your struggles is hurting you. It can be very hurtful when the people closest to us, our parents, our family, isn't there for us in the way they should. It can be hard when we just want to be heard, validated and understood and in the end we get treated like what we are going through is something that will just 'go away'.
@brightTree5008 I'm so sorry to hear that. I am also in my 30s and have a difficult relationship with my mother as well. It sounds like your mom may have tolerated poor treatment from men in her own life due to old fashioned beliefs. You absolutely deserve respect and love in your marriage and I hope you are able to get out of that situation.
I feel like I am also grieving a positive mother relationship that may never be there. I try to focus on positive relationships with other women that feel more positive, while they can never be my mom, they can be a strong friend and sort of "big sister" role in my life.
Hello,
I am male, married with 1 child and in my 30s and I am facing issues with my mom.
I know I sound pathetic son when I write this, but I feel my mom’s behaviour is killing me slowly. Its so toxic that I can’t ignore it anymore. We live in joint family, and I feel all family members are always in a certain burdon.
My mom faced a lots of challenges in her personal life after her marriage but it seems she didn’t learn anything from it, and she just passing on the same problems she faced to us. She expects a lot from me and my family, which is ok. But she wants to do everything her way. She won’t give any space. Even we have to cook our food as per her preference. She just won’t let go responsibilities to others. She still wants to run the family on her own.
She had issues with all our relatives, she sidelined all my relationships with others. From the days in my childhood she never let me socialise. I got only few friends, all from my work. No childhood friend. I thought its going to be over once I get my family. But its getting worse.
My wife is supportive, but my mom has issues with her working or doing job. So far I am supporting wife, but its getting too toxic for me. I have started getting anxiety attacks and started loosing interest in my job. Its like a constant mental harassment.
I started loosing respect towards her, I have no emotional feelings about her anymore. Sometimes I feel like leaving the home and go out and live alone. I secretly wish for her death.
I need some help. What can I do to make this normal ?