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brightTree5008
5,247 M Seeking Light 8
PathStep 9 Compassion hearts123 Forum posts179 Forum upvotes284 Current upvotes284 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2023 Member sinceSeptember 18, 2017
Recent forum posts
My brother noticed I'm not happy
Depression Support / by brightTree5008
Last post
 September 19th, 2023
...See more We're both adults and I helped raise him so we're very close. Yesterday he told me he knows I'm not happy and I haven't been happy in a long time. I did not know he knew this, because normally I'm bubbly around others. It felt like a knife in my gut, that he was able to see me like that. He's right. I'm not happy and I haven't been in a long time. In fact, I'm incredibly depressed and have had intrusive thoughts occasionally. But I didn't share that part with him. He thinks my job is making me unhappy. It's my relationship with my husband actually. My husband gets angry a lot. I can't talk to my husband, because he gets angry. If I ask him for help, he gets angry. If I am sick, he gets angry. If I want to have a chat, he gets angry. If I ask if we can go do something together, he gets angry. If I ask if he's fed the dog, he gets angry. But I can't tell this to my brother, because my brother thinks I'm still strong and can get myself out of this situation. I'm not strong right now. I'm tired and drained from being on my toes all the time. I'm constantly in fight or flight mode. How can I be happy with that?
Depressed and so cold
Depression Support / by brightTree5008
Last post
 September 6th, 2023
...See more It's 90 degrees Fahrenheit outside and I'm in full sleeves and pants. I have the air turned off. But I'm still freezing. I am so depressed and stressed. Two blankets, both doubled up. And I'm still so cold. I feel like I want to sleep for months, maybe years.
Painful relationship with mother as an adult
Relationship Stress / by brightTree5008
Last post
 September 5th, 2023
...See more I've never had a healthy relationship with my mother but didn't realize how unhealthy it was until I entered adulthood. Even today, as a woman in my 30s I want what I never had - unconditional love from my mother and good advice. Instead, the advice I get from her in regards to an abusive marriage is to ignore the bad things, mind my own business and I will be happy. I even clarified what she was saying multiple times with her, reading it back to her. She genuinely believes in this being my solution. Ignore, and the pain will go away. It's so hard. I come from a family that doesn't view men and women as equals. I don't subscribe to that. I feel so alone. The one woman in my life that's really the only example I've had growing up wants me to stick my head in the sand. It hurts so much.
I think we are headed toward divorce
Relationship Stress / by brightTree5008
Last post
 August 30th, 2022
...See more We've only been married 2 years and already I feel like we have grown apart. We knew each other for a long time before. But pre-Covid we were both different people. I just felt I did everything and since I got Long Covid, I have become a shell of myself. He hasn't picked up the slack. He's becoming more childish every day, refusing to pick up trash, throwing dirty boxers on the ground instead of the hamper, not communicating then getting angry with me, using the silent treatment. I don't know what to do. I've tried talking with him. He tells me he loves me but his actions speak way louder. I feel like a failure for my marriage not working.
Good and bad anxiety
Anxiety Support / by brightTree5008
Last post
 July 3rd, 2020
...See more I have been dealing with bad anxiety due to racism from people I know personally. These last few weeks have been very painful. But I just submitted a new job application. It's weird to think about, dealing with racism but also continuing on with everything around me. It has to happen. It doesn't lessen the pain. But I'm excited about something after a long time. It's creating a mix of good and bad anxiety in me, but for the moment I feel at least something a little good.
Please give me kindness
Depression Support / by brightTree5008
Last post
 July 1st, 2020
...See more I could use some kindness and encouragement right now. I am mentally and emotionally exhausted right now. I'm tired and in pain. I cannot take a break. I am protesting for something that impacts me personally and seeing no positive change. I am working all day. I have no place to escape to, no hobbies to distract myself with. No reprieve.
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