Need help with TERRIBLE retroactive jealousy
Well i have a girlfriend who had been in a 2 year relationship with someone before me. They had done wild sexual things and have made so many memories together in general. I don’t know what to do but i can’t get over it. She has reassured me and showed me that she has changed and is saying that everything was a mistake and she didn’t want to do any of it. Even when i’m hanging out with her , I always have a bad gut feeling or i’m having bad vivid thoughts of her and her ex. They’ve done so much together sexually and in general. I don’t want to do but I really want to be with her.
@Dilpreets23,
that previous relationship is past. She chose you.
thanks but it’s still so hard to take in
@Dilpreets23,
I understand that her past can make you feel insecure. But, again, it's her past, not something you have to compete with. Not something you want to compete with as it will ruin your relationship.
She just had a wild period in her life. That period is in the past. She made it clear she wants to leave the past behind her. Don't feed it. Trust her. Start trusting you. Get beyond feeling insecure. Keep a private (!) journal of your thought. Cherish the little things you do for each other. Build the relationship, every day, we tend not to. As they say, love is a verb, not something to take for granted.
hello @Dilpreets23
i can really imagine how heavy it must be weighing on you
IT is easy for people to tell one to live in present and not think about things that aren't really true for the present time but it's not easy to let go and I get that
im not sure of you and your partner's age and age isn't really a restrictive factor but in general people after a certain age are attracted towards other people, they date and stuff and do things partners would do in a relationship... mutually consenting ofc
so it's very normal for your gf to have a past before you ... or have loved other people or been with other people or done things with them when they were together...before you... tbh when you mention "sexually wild" etc. more times here it seems you're somewhere judging her for having done those things with her then partner? and needing assurance from her that she regrets it or is a "changed person now"? try thinking from a neutral perspective .... are you judging her for her then actions as a person ? Or is your concern coming from a place of genuine disliking for such conduct no matter if she was your gf or not? Or you feel insecure in some way?
you are allowed to have opinions on what is right or wrong or acceptable or not for yourself ... but that shouldn't make another person ...specially someone who you may have a liking or even love for.. feel guilty or regretful of something that doesnt even directly relate with you or has you involved in any way I think ... because that's not what being with a safe person. should feel like... feeling judged or sorry for having done something in the past where this person didnt even exist ... people do life their way...what they felt right in that phase of their life...
it's nice that you're seeking ways to get over it ... maybe answering the above questions can get you some clarity on what the actual issue here is... and then you and your partner can talk things out and work on strengthening your relationship better currently rather than thinking and being bothered about a past relationship that doesnt exist anymore
id like to also mention that it was kinda cool that she shared all about her past relationship with you... she could've not shared also... but that seems like a good indicator that she trusts you enough and wanted to give you a serious chance with building something better together... what do you think?
@Dilpreets23 Her past is a ghost…mist. You’re the one making it solid and heavy and summoning it into the present. You say you want to be with her then be with HER NOW in the present. Her past is not HER. Her past has absolutely nothing to do with you. The only thing blocking your freedom is your insistence of focusing on the cobwebs in your mind.
