Marriage Challenges
My wife and I have been married for 12 years and we have 2 sons that are 8 and 6. We have had a nice life thus far. My wife and I are fortunate to have good jobs and both have our Masters Degrees. About 7 years ago, after a fight, my wife said she wanted a divorce. We talked through things and repaired our marriage and life moved on. However since then, she has use the Divorce Threat once or twice a year--usually to kill/stop a fight or disagreement we have. Yet, we keep carrying on with our lives, buying a new house recently, going on family vacations etc. Most recently she has said to me that she wants us to live separately and she actually seems to mean it this time. I just don't know what to do or think--I'm scared, anxious, etc. On one hand, this Push-Pull aspect she brings to our relationship just isn't sustainable long term, it's exhausting. On the other hand, I love her and I believe she still loves me (she said it three days ago). Plus we have two little kids, and a new house we just moved into a year ago...I need your thoughts please.
@ChannaBanana Relationship counseling would be great. There are things that you want to say but feel like you can't. Relationship counseling provides a safe space to spill your guts basically. It's great that the love is srill there. It's one of the strongest forces in the world.
@channaBanana, you sound like a caring and loving husband and dad, and I admire your love and determination to save and repair your marriage. I agree with everyone here who says that you and your wife need to spend some quality alone time to talk about your feelings for each other, how you are feeling in the relationship, what are things that are making you unhappy in the marriage and how do you want it to change?
I was like your wife, unhappy in the relationship, threatened divorce a few times, questioned his love for me and unfortunately my husband blocked his emotions, put up a wall to protect his hurt feelings till finally he lost all feelings for me and wanted a divorce. I regretted my outbursts, I wanted him to see how unhappy and hurt I was and wanted him to get into the fight with me so we can solve it. Instead he ignored my outbursts. Now it is too late, seems like I have burnt all the bridges and there is too much hurt to repair the relationship. There is no relationship where there is no love.
If you and your wife still have some love, work it out. Talk, listen, be curious, be kind and be open to compromise. Spend quality time together, pay compliments and show gratitude and appreciation for all the small and big things she does, tell her how much you love and care for her, and the positive things she does that makes you happy to be married to her. If there is love, repair is possible. I wish you all the best! ❤️
@quietKite7859,
sometimes, love is not enough, unfortunately. My wife and I seperated, soon to be divorced. We are each other's love of a lifetime, the damage done is too much for her (and yes I changed, for the better, and yes she always believed I would change, she witnessed it, yet, too late, damage beyond repair). We both still grieve the loss.
@ChannaBanana Sorry to hear that, you both need marriage counseling, i am witnessing a similar Situation in my family.
Mock divorce? Live separate for a period of time? Give yourself some space? See if that's what you both actually need?
No assumption, no theory, no calculation actually works with human emotions and needs. No 2+2= 4. She needs space? Give her. Either she will realise this is not what she wants or she will be sure of it.
Just know, from here you can't control it. All you can do is let her know how much you really love her and respect her decisions whether good for you and family or not and hope she realise it.
Best wishes.
I'm sorry that you are feeling that. Have you thought of having a conversation with your wife, where she speaks and you just listen? After she's done you can tell her what you got from the conversation so that she feels heard. Sounds like after that first divorce threat something has been really bothering her over the years and she isn't truly opening up about it.
