Is it me over thinking or is my intuition right
So I’ve been with my husband for 20 years. We have a mutual female friend. I’ve known her way longer. My husband goes to her parties that she has literally every weekend or if she’s going to a Friends cookout or gathering my husband gets an invite. I recently just found out he’s been going without telling me. He tells me he’s out working late at night and I believed him.
now that he knows that i know he goes to her parties he says that her male friends are the ones that invite him and he just goes without telling me.
my “friend” is not in contact with me how we were before. She ignores most of my texts or social media messages.
he tells me he would never do anything with her because she’s my friend and he wouldn’t do that to me. Which I don’t believe at all. She don’t even bother telling me he’s there hanging out. She’s all about social media so every time he’s around she makes sure to post videos while he’s talking and I’m guessing it’s so I can hear him but she never post any pictures or videos of him of course.
he tells me he’s only been there twice this summer but I know for a fact he’s lying.
my female intuition is so strong right now I’ve never had this feeling. So I know I don’t feel the way I do for no reason. I really believe something is going on between them. But every time I try to talk to my partner about it he denies everything.
am I wrong for thinking there’s something going on?
absolutely not! why would he lie? there should be no reason for him to lie about sneaking off to parties that your friend invited him to unless there was something to hide, please be safe i hope everything goes well.
That’s what I keep telling myself and him. But he says that I would get mad if he was to tell me he was going to her party. I feel like I have the right to get mad. Because I’ve known her way longer then him and me and her were very close. So for me to not get an invite it makes me question everything and it makes me feel upset also betrayed
@ModestlyLove,
his response doesn't match his behavior.
I always trust my intuition, and something doesn't add up in your case.
Whatever the real story is (be careful not to create your own story), you are entitled to honesty and openness.
Thank you.
I keep asking myself if it’s just in my head. But I have screenshots and videos of things she post that makes my feelings even stronger.
so last year on March 26, 2022 my husband and I went to her house and we were all hanging out (her male friends who are best friends with her child’s father another female my husband and I) About 3 hours of us hanging her child’s father pass by to say hi to us. They are no longer together because he is now doing heavy drugs. So while he was there I noticed how she was so drunk and wanted to get busy with her child’s father but his mind was on something else. He stepped outside to do his drugs and she went to speak to him. Well her child’s father left because he didn’t want to hear no one’s advice. My husband stepped out and started talking to “my friend” and giving her advice because she was crying. My husband is that type of man that loves giving advice and making sure everyone is doing good.
about 10 to 15 minutes passed and I was wondering why they were still outside. Right then my friend walked in and said she was going to bed and asked where her phone charger was at and went upstairs and didn’t even say bye or anything at all to me specially which I found super weird. We were very close. My husband walked in behind her and said “yeah and I have to pee” so I said to him “wait a few minutes because she’s going to use the bathroom before going to bed” so he waited about 5 minutes maybe less. He went to use the bathroom and I stood downstairs getting ready to go home while talking to 2 of the Friends my friend had over.
I realized my husband was taking long in the bathroom and I called him and asked him if he went to buy the toilet at the store lol 😂 so he came out about 1 minutes later and while coming down the stairs he say “I don’t know if (he said her name) is in the bathroom or in her room sleep. And I said to him why would she be in the bathroom if that’s where you was at right now and that bathroom isn’t big you would know if she was there or not. They were all drunk. I don’t drink so I know I wasn’t imagining anything.
the next day i started thinking about everything that happened the night before. Including a video she posted on social media of her and my husband. The video was so inappropriate she should’ve posted anything. My husband barely takes pictures with me so the fact that he took a couple of pictures with her for her social media and made a video doing provocative things with his mouth and tongue made me start paying closer attention to their “friendship”
about 3 weeks later he had to drop off some party things I created for a friend of her. She was at a party so he had to go drop it off there. She text me and says he’s going to take a shot with her and then he will leave. I got mad because I was waiting on him so we can order food and watch a movie with our little ones.
well by 2am he was still out. I FaceTime him and I get no answer but she FaceTimes me right when Im FaceTiming him. I found it weird and waited 5 minutes and FaceTime him again and no answer again and ones again she’s FaceTiming me.
I didn’t answer her at all. I already knew that meant he was still hanging out.
after that night she started ignoring my text messages and any conversations I tried having with her.
sorry I know I wrote a lot lol but I wanted to make it clear that it’s not me making things up in my head. It’s just there’s way too many coincidences for everything to be a coincidence. He’s been over multiple times without my knowledge. I don’t mind him hanging out with her male friends and I don’t mind him taking pictures with absolutely anyone. I just don’t like the sneaky things that’s going on and I don’t like how he goes hang out and no one says anything to me like if he was a single man.
he also went to get lingerie birthday party in July after telling me we wasn’t going because he didn’t want me wearing lingerie and having guys look at my “big butt” and he also lied and went to a friends of hers Cook out 2 weekends ago.
he tells me he’s doing DoorDash so I’m always under the impression that he’s out making extra cash. But what he does is he goes and do DoorDash for an hour or 2 and then he goes to hang out. 2 weeks ago he came home at almost 7am. After I told him I knew he was at the cook out. So he decided to just stay since he knew I was already mad about that.
I think you should trust your intuition. If it’s true hat he’s working late then it’s great but if he really is going somewhere without telling you I think it would be better for you to find out. I hope that you can find out the truth, good luck!
Thank you!!!!
so he does work a couple of hours and then he logs off and goes hang out. So I won’t know because the whole time I’m thinking he’s out doing DoorDash and probably super busy.
he has a problem with me not trusting him when he says he’s going to do DoorDash like I don’t have the perfect reason to not believe him. I feel like he wants me to think like I’m over exaggerating and it’s all in my head.
ive noticed that the next day after getting caught he won’t go anywhere and starts giving extra affection just so I can let it go. But 4 or 5 days later he’s back at it again. I’m starting to question if I’ve been with a narcissist this whole time and never noticed before because I’ve never knew what a narcissist really was lol
@ModestlyLove
I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. Nobody should be made to feel this way especially after a 20 year relationship/marriage. But I will say this, that if you have a "gut instinct" that something is "not right", then trust it! I'm not saying that there is, or that there isn't. Because obviously I dont know either of you. However, from the things that you have described above (as I haven't heard his side, only yours), it's not something that a husband of 20 years should be doing to his wife!
You might really want to consider sitting down and having a good talk with him. Even if you don't want to bring it up, even if you feel uncomfortable, even if you don't want to hear what might be true?... You have to have the discussion, or else you will continue to walk around in limbo "wondering" all the time. And thats no way to live, and no way to have a marriage! And as far as the "friend" is concerned, if what you say is true about her "actions" as you described above, then I would trust that she is NOT a friend by any means. At least not the friend that you felt she was. As NO friend would act/react this way in a "true" friendship.
I know a very close couple who've been married over 20+ years as well, and last year that fell upon some challenging times. You'd never know on the outside that there were complicated issues between them. However, the wife started to "notice the small things" that he was doing that just was out of his character. Even when she confronted him as to if he were talking to someone else, he lied to her face. And trust me when I say, this guy was a "godly" man. He was raised in the church etc...etc... The epitome of character. But, she STILL felt something wasn't right, and that something was "off". So she did her own "sluthing" only to find out that he was in fact lying to her. And had been talking to someone else. Several other women in fact. She called him out on it, presented her "evidence", and he had no choice but to tell the truth. Eventually, he agreed to marriage therapy, and they are definitely on a better road in a in a much better place today. But my point in this story, is to again "TRUST" what you are feeling about this. And then, DECIDE how you want to proceed with it. But try your best to keep a calm head about things, until you know for sure what is going on.
But, I personally feel that as a husband, he shouldn't be out there continuing to do the things that he's been doing (cheating or not). He doesn't need to be out all hours of the night, or overnight, or lying to you about where he is, what he's doing, or when he's coming home. There has to be a resolution to that.
"I feel like he wants me to think like I’m over exaggerating and it’s all in my head."..... (This part right here)...If you feel this way, He may be trying to gaslight you.
I do hope that you find out the truth. Because we all deserve to have the truth from our spouses. And I do hope for you that you get to the bottom of things and find that "truth" whatever it turns out to be. Because this is no way to carry on. Best of luck to you on this. And please keep us updated (if you wish) on how things are continuing to go for you.
If it looks like a duck and talks like a duck.... trust your intuition.
I think it’s no harm in telling him you feel uncomfortable with him going. You probably should be spending time reconnecting. 20 years is a long time and the relationship probably needs some attention between the two of you.
