I need insights as I am about to go nuts!

I am hoping for insights here. I am dating someone. We’re almost a year now. It’s a long distance relationship. Different countries basically. But we’ve met and went on vacation!

He has aspergers. To be honest I’ve suspected this for a while now. We only found out a couple of days ago when he took a test online. Thing though is his personality is INTP. And most traits of an INTP crosses over Asperger so we can’t really be sure until he gets diagnosed properly.

He would have depressive episode every few months or so. I notice this would happen everytime his routine is messed up. And when this happens, it’s always our relationship on the line.

I rationalize things by thinking, maybe it’s because thos disruptions to his routine makes sense. He has to do this because of this and that. He has to go to work because of something. They are logical.

But what doesn’t make sense in his life when he goes through this is our relationship. So i think maybe that is why our relationship is getting question every single time by him.

Now here’s the deal with his episode at the moment. He is doubting himself. If he is capable of handling a relationship. If he can be the man I can be happy with. If he even still wants to be in a relationship. Basically he said that he wanted to sort things out in his head.

If his doubts outweigh his desire to be with me and be in a relationship. Or vice versa. But he also said it’s like they are someone else’s doubts.

He tried to break up with me thinking it is in my best interest coz he know how hard this is for me. Me waiting on him while he figure things out.

And here’s where I may have mistake. I basically BEGGED him to give us another chance. Today is August 19. I told him to give us a chance maybe he would be able to work things out in his head by September 30!

He agreed. But was really hesitant. Then. He warned me that past few days and the coming days he might be apathetic. He is in robotic mode of sorts. All feelings and emotions are shut down for him.

I tried to get more out of him coz I am confused. Im neurotypical. He said he thinks after he’s think through things it would not be a positive one coz why else would he be having this doubts anyway? He also said he doesnt know what he feels about me but he thinks it may have lessen. And the outcome might 30/70 where 70% it will be him not wanting the relationship. Then again.. He is in “shutdown” mode. Any and all feelings are shut for him. He is… numb. Basically.

He never said he loved me throughout the relationship. He simply DOESNT KNOW. But he does know I love him. I told him. But never pressured him to figure out what he feels for me coz what matters is his actions. And he makes me feel loved. For more context… I am his FIRST girlfriend. First sex. First in a lot of things.

I do not know what to do. I do not know what is going on inside his head.