I'm scared and frustrated *trigger warning*
*Trigger warning : Abusive relationship*
My partner and my arguments have escalated to the point that I'm afraid I may actually physically harm her.
I feel so frustrated by everything because I feel as though I'm trying my best to be a good partner and parent to her biological children but I also feel like she doesn't care about anyone but herself.
Today as an example, we woke up and without even saying good morning or even hi, she just instantly started moaning at me. This afternoon again for the 4th day in a row, she was screaming at me. I got so frustrated and I screamed back. But the part that terrifies me is that I want to hit her to make her stop. And I don't mean slap. I mean hit. Hard.
And to make matters worse, her previous relationship was physically abusive and I am now relating to that person.
I know it's wrong. I don't want to hurt her. I actually love her. I'm completely dedicated to her.
I just feel so frustrated at being screamed at all the time. Being blamed all the time.
I don't know what to do...
@Sapphorion. Could you go into another room and do some deep breathing or go outside and take a walk until you calm down?
@Sapphorion. I forgot to mention . My partner screams sometimes. I tell him “I’m going in the other room to take a break until you calm down.”
@Sapphorion
Couples counseling? Would that be feasible and would she be open to it?
Do whatever you have to, no matter how drastic it seems, but definitely don't cross that line. The effects would never stop for you and her. Possibly the children too.
It's a good thing that you're reaching out. No judgment here, and I know just how abusive a relationship can start feeling emotionally, passive aggressively, etc. Maybe you just need a setting where you can talk and get all the pain off your chest so that she understands it.
@Sapphorion,
that sounds like a pretty damaging and toxic environment.
You both need space to figure yourself out and ask yourself whether you want to make things work and whether you can while being yourself.