I'm confused
Me and my girlfriend have been dating for about a year now and I believe that I truly love her, I still look at her and get butterflies and she feels the same way but sometimes it feels fake, she will disregard my opinion or what I want yet expect me to listen to her and help her. It honestly feels sometimes like she manipulates me and I confronted her on it recently, she flipped it on me calling me abusive and threatened to leave and I was so distressed I actually believed that I did something wrong for a bit but I didn't. I'm confused because sometimes it feels so real and at other times it doesn't
@ashen64
For me manipulative behaviours and giving ultimatums as a way of convincing someone to resign from their identity, needs or values are abusive.
How do you feel with yourself? Do you think that your opinions about what you both should do, or shouldn't do, deserve to be treated on equal terms with your girlfriend's views?
Personally I prefer relationships based on a mutual respect and mutual support, where most decisions are made together, with neither a "boss", nor someone to just obey and follow.
I agree with the first part but I don't know if she's right about me or not she's either manipulating me or I'm just crazy
@ashen64
I think that one of the most important things in a relationship is being in a good relationship with myself.
If I am OK with myself, I can trust my feelings, I can make mistakes sometimes and apologize for them, but deserving to be respected by my partner is crucial, not optional, and I can't be easily manipulated.
Im too blissfully ignorant to notice if I'm being manipulated I'm small ways because I think it just seems like she doesn't care and in some scenarios I'm wrong and in some shes wrong so I don't want to accuse her when I'm unsure myself because I always feel as if I'm wrong and actually she isn't do anything but I'm just paranoid.
Other than that should I generally try become a better person and in turn that will help me?
@ashen64,
how did you confront her? By making statements? Or by expressing how you felt like "if you do/say this, it makes me feel <how you feel >.
I don't remember vividly but I think I say along the lines of "this makes me feel" rather than making a statement or accusation
@ashen64,
if that is the case and she didn't validate your feelings by showing understanding and instead lashing out then your relationship is not really healthy.
Both of you should show respect, acceptance and that needs to be created and maintained on a daily basis. Communication, mutual understanding, comprehension.
If this is something that happens more often, then it's a pattern that will finally damage the relationship beyond repair.
Do you really want to work on the relationship? Does she? Then both of you have to work on it.