Over her and the love I had for her
She blew up on me again because the house won't up to her standards. Got into a huge argument bcuz of green freaking apples being whole and not sliced. Threatened me to get out of her house and just totally made me feel like I was nothing. Mind you....I can't make her see things she don't want to see and will not see what is done for her. I could have this house sparkly clean and everything done just like she'd want but it wouldn't be good enough.
She is a person who can do everything on her own and doesn't believe in partnership, intimate relationships, or anything you commit your heart, time, communication too. She does better pleasing people she works with and friends then she does with the person she's with. I'm tired of being the person who does what those won't do for her and I'm the only one who gets looked down on.
I know I've said it before about leaving and not dealing with this narcissistic control freak with no regards to any boundaries and doesn't even see she has issues of her own....I wish whatever keeps me here would just go away.
I've been looking for my own place and just want to leave peacefully and no arguments or tension between the two of us. When I do get the opportunity to leave...I will never allow anyone to try and dictate my life or ever make me feel like I'm worthless.
I'm over this lesson and ready to move on. I know I have trust issues with her and my emotions of feeling sad and depressed pop up when I get triggered by a memory or whatever it is that reminds me of the hurt I went through but I've learned to control my thoughts and understand them more and try my best to not let it affect the relationship. When I slip up...I try to keep it to myself but I do wear my emotions and I struggle but I would never disrespect nor call her names or ever tell her the things that she has told me especially out of anger.
I'm over it.
@somewhereiam142,
thanks for sharing.
You know, some people are just like that, or maybe I should say, they act like that.
Some people are afraid to let someone get close. Fear quite often represents itself as anger. It is tough to let people like that know that they are safe. It takes being very aware, very grounded, very stable, patient and consistent.
And if everything goes well, like the "for better" part in "for better and for worse", no probs.
If "for worse" turns up (and it always does, it's part of life), well then you need to be able to stay calm, understanding, kind, gentle. A lot.
I can sort of relate to your story. Different in details but similar on high level. Full trust that turned into full mistrust. And yes, I added to that, quite a bit. Things happened, and I was not strong enough to deal with those things and continue to be my true self.
I paid a price, my wife is gonna be my ex wife. Would have taken years of "good things" to put her totally in her comfort zone and make her feel safe, even if we would have a storm. Now the storm came too soon.
Fear can make people act in a way that destructs them and destructs a relationship that is founded on true deep love for each other. I know now.
Take care, and again, thanks for sharing.
