My poly girlfriend x monogamous me
My girlfriend is poly and I'm not. As expected ofc it's not the most pleasant thing and idk wtd... basically she kinda forces it into me....I tell her that I can't do poly and that I want to be only with her and her only with me cuz otherwise I won't feel like I'm in a relationship and she Is like "that's how poly works" or "u don't have to be poly only me" aka "I can date other people but u don't have to".... every time I bother to tell her how I feel like that I don't want to share her love etc she's like "that's what poly is etc" ....at the same time she doesn't want me to leave and she's like that I'm the best relationship she ever had and that she doesn't want to lose me cuz she's poly....and idk wtd....I kinda want to out cuz it's too much for me....I can't do that and she isn't listening + she barely gives me any attention rn...I literally have to beg for it...imagine when she finds more people...idk how to do it tho.... she makes me feel guilty and like it will be my fault if I leave and idk what to tell her to just out....she's the only one I have anyways and it's even more hard .....help?!?!?
How long have you all been together? If it’s not working and you can’t come to an agreement, consider letting her know you can’t be a part of the relationship anymore.
she May have to decide which is worth more to her
@SomeoneGR
if the relationship isn’t working for you, then you can get out of it. don’t let her guilt trip you into one way or the other. It’s unlikely that she will stop being poly for you
I know I just don't know how to leave .....
@SomeoneGR ,
Since she is the only one you have , and you dont have others and you are not able to take the pressure , thats ok. Neither you or your girlfriend can do anything about being poly or not , so just talk to your girlfriend about " can she spend time with you as a mono relationship for a period of 4 (or whatetever times you need not 1 cause it will be bargained) months before you leave the relationship without giving or taking any guilt.
Being poly is just an excuse to meet other people, date, have sex with others so she doesn't get labelled as a cheater. Real love - and if she really loves you - consists of 2 people ONLY. you're just her second option in case she doesn't find someone better than you, and if that's okay for you, then stay with her. But this is humiliating and disrespectful, I would run asap.
I mean that's how I feel...I just don't know much about poly and I'm trying to be respectful but deep inside that's how I feel rn about the situation
Don't feel pressured to agree to this, no matter what. Some people will try to convince you that you're close minded, but no, you're just being in your right mind. A person can never have relationships with others without having intense feelings for one more than the other. And God knows if you'll be the one, because if you weren't, she wouldn't really tell you that she prefers that other guy more, because she will have to invest her time in more than 1 person, emotionally, sexually and physically, this is impossible, unless she's unemployed and has nothing better to do. Don't put yourself in this situation. You deserve better. You deserve to be someone's priority.
While there are cases of polyamory that function and have agreement from both sides, that’s the thing: both sides must agree. The above post has some reasoning in saying it’s an excuse; I don’t think it always is just an excuse to keep someone second, but in some cases it can be. Many times people meet and both already identify as preferring polyamory therefore it can work. in this case however it’s like if someone tries to convert you to a religion you don’t want to be a part of. Ask yourself if your partner tried to convert your religion would you do that? In this case you would probably feel you’re losing your sense of self (identity) as well as self worth.
i had a friend who had a polyamorous relationship which she only made polyamorous once she found out she’d be living abroad for a year. Her partner was very into her but it was a new relationship and he seemed to agree more for fear of losing her than anything else. He didn’t end up seeing anyone else but she saw a few different men during their polyamorous stint. She ended up developing feelings for one and eventually breaking it off with boyfriend. That’s basically a reality that can happen if one person only agrees to appease their partner. Basically in his case for fear of losing her he agreed, essentially holding on too tightly, and ended up losing her completely. I wonder if he could go back if he would’ve just broken up with her before she left the country.
food for thought but just be wise in deciding if you want to continue this relationship or not
I mean I already feel like I'm losing my sense of self and stuff cuz I'm doin something that's completely opposite to my needs....I want a quiet life with just my partner and I, nothing fancy...not many friends around...maybe 1 or 2 you know.....she wants many friends around and many partners........I mean it's true that I only agreee out of fear too and that I should let go...I'm just scared how to do it
I think it sounds like it’s not a compromise you’re willing to make. She’s looking for excitement in an extreme way compared to your desire and seeking of tranquility.,
Well, either one of you gives in or you end the relationship. It sounds to me like you want to leave. So do that. She has no right to make you feel guilty for that. I know it can be hard not to give in to that, but I guess just stand up for yourself.
