Is this jealousy issues? (please read đ)
before i do start im sorry its a bit long
So all the way to the start of the relationship. I have this friend. lets call her maria. (june 2022) When i first started dating my close guyfriend, (that i still date) Maria questioned this alot. She often called my boyfriend unattractive and fat. (she definitely didnt like him at this stage)
moving on, when we changed timetables for new classes, Maria was in alot of my boyfriends classes, which resulted in them being friends. I didnt mind this at all at first. i thought it was good since they didnt get along before but eventually it turned into more (in my eyes). When i was walking with them (october 2022) i know its silly but my boyfriend was laughing about how small Marias hands are. This really got me overthinking and i know its overdramatic. I am in 3 of their classes and in all of them id see them talking and laughing. (they sit near to eachother while im on the opposite side)
Fast forward abit and now its January 2023. We had this groupchat with us three and a few other friends, and Maria sent a few pictures of her cooking (cakes and stuff like that that she sells) and my boyfriend literally said quote by quote âi want to come over you look really good at cookingâ. This really made me annoyed and i talked to him about it saying its not funny and he just said he was trying to *** me off.
She has sent him many bad photos of me. She always takes photos of me and sends them to him (embarrassing ones from ages ago and current ones) and always makes fun of me infront of him. (she still does this and always embarrasses me)
From January to now, theyve still been talking in every class, and my boyfriends friends tell me she waits for him after his classes sometimes. Also everytime i try talking to him she butts in, making useless conversion that weve talked about before. She also always makes gagging noises when people talk about us both being cute. She also uses all my inside jokes with him.
This Monday Maria got a new nose peircing and my boyfriend noticed 3 days after and went âoh nose piercing niceâ and then she replied going âwell i got it ages ago but thanks for the complimentâ and started pushing him around right infront of me. Obviously my boyfriend gave me a side eye because he knows shes being a bit weird. honestly i know he likes the attention and isnt really doing anything to stop it. ive talked to him about it before but he just agrees with me and laughs it off.
i honestly really didnât mind them being friends but she is obviously flirting. he doesnt really flirt back except for that one time in january but its still annoying.
what do i do without seeming controlling?
@exuberantBlueberry2488 How you are feeling is perfectly understandable and you have every right to feel that. You mentioned at first the two of them didn't get along well and eventually a "friendship" formed but there's got to be a line. You're the girlfriend and you do not deserve the disrespect. You are being disrespected right before your eyes and you don't deserve that. I'm proud of you for being able to communicate with your boyfriend how you feel. He said something that you did not like and you expressed it to him. Bravo to you. Have you tried openly communicating your feelings to your friend as well? Perhaps let her know that her behavior comes off as flirtatious and you find it making you uncomfortable. A friend does not want to intentionally hurt a friend and it seems she has no care about your feelings. You know if your relationship and friendship is worth working on but things won't gey better if you don't continue to voice your concern. I don't think you would be coming off as controlling or dictating. You are human and you have feelings. I hope things work out for you. âĄ
@YourCaringConfidant
Thank you so much. My boyfriend has suggested me talking to Maria about it but I know he likes the attention.He encourages her to send bad photos as he sends them to me to joke around with me. But its still so rude of her because friends dont do that??
a week ago, me and him were laughing around and she decided to text him privately AFTER school, not ME, her friend of 4 years, asking âwhat were you and her talking about in class?â like its any of her business. she was also texting him in class and giggling and when i tried to see their chats she told me to fu<k off like its not my boyfriend?
i told my mom about this and she said that i should be talking to my boyfriend about the boundaries and he should be cutting her off. I disagree. although she is sabotaging the relationship i wouldnt want them to completely stop being friends.
But this morning at lunch she was saying that her and him have a weird friendship and shes not sure if she âlikes him or notâ. this is so false she talks to him all the time she is just trying to appear âcoolâ infront of our other friends.
I dont want to confront her because she will definitely deny it and say im being a b1tch.
@exuberantBlueberry2488
This is quite a difficult and frustrating situation to be in. I'm so sorry that you're experiencing this, I'm glad you've spoken about this issue to your mother. And I think she's right about having a conversation with your boyfriend about him setting boundaries with your friend, he is partly to blame for your frustration. By continuing to laugh at the pics being sent to him by your friend, he is encouraging her behaviour of disrespect towards you and that is UNACCEPTABLE. Her behaviour is untoward, I think in the midst of things, she has found herself developing feelings for your boyfriend and doesn't know what to do hence the passive aggressive behaviour of sending bad photos of you to your boyfriend. I do hope you're able to resolve this amicably with the both of them.
@Babs10
Hi! thank you so much. i agree. i have suspected that shes caught feelings and i think when it comes up again (because i dont want to start out of no where) ill bring it up to him how him laughing is encouraging. honestly im quite sad about this because i actually liked this friend, but it all just shows the type of person she is.
Youâre doing the right thing.
Your (âfriendâ) is behaving inappropriately. Worse, she is indifferent to betraying your friendship, crossing boundaries with your partner, is in denial about the whole thing but conscious enough of her intentions to try to conceal it/play it down in front of your other friends. That makes her a treacherous little snake in the grass. Your boyfriend, while not positively reciprocating her flirting, has nonetheless enabled her with his permissive attitude. You're right that he probably enjoys the attention because its flattering .. but sometimes as a partner he is obligated to act and to enforce a boundary; and its not good enough to merely permit people to trample over his relationship boundaries even if he himself is not actively flirting back. His inaction and failure to push back against her flirting is disrespectful to you especially since it seems understood between you both and agreed that the friend is in fact flirting and behaving inappropriately.
He should be the one to enforce the boundary and take action. First of all hes the one being flirted with. Secondly if you are the one to intervene she will just flip it as if youre being a jealous girlfriend; and claim youre being paranoid and hysterical and laugh it off as if youre being overly sensitive. If he doesnt take action now, then he better not complain when this whole situation gets out of hand and peoples feelings are hurt, friendships are broken, and everyone's going to be wishing they had behaved more respectfully and proactively.
Shes not your friend! Youre absolutely right not to trust her.
CatsInTheCradle
