Is the sound of voice important to you?
After many months away from dating apps I am trying it again now that I feel I'm recovering from a depressive episode.
I have been reflecting on how voice impacts what we feel.
I know there have been studies showing how attraction or repulsion to a voice can make or break a relationship.
I'm completely baffled as online dating is a relatively new thing for me in my late 40s and I had never realised this issue until this week. But I have not dated much in my life.
I connected well with a guy and we chatted two weeks and I really felt at ease and was looking forward to eventually meet (he is from a different country).
Then he sent me a very brief voice message (just a sentence) and I realised I had imagined a totally different voice and I was shocked by the impact it had on me. Like instant repulsion. Not speaking of accent or tone. Just the sound of it.
I felt my heart sink.
And I truly am feeling uncomfortable about my reaction.
Trying to understand if it is a conscious bias of mine or, as some suggest, an instinctive gut reaction which shows the person to be incompatible.
Has anyone gone through this? Did you continue getting to know each other or suspended it?
I am thinking of trying a video call next as have no other ideas.
It's weird to date online. Usually it takes so many things for a reciprocal attraction when one meetd in person, whereas on an app you just focus on the chatting aspect and that does not feel right.
@anonyLemon4233
I feel you, Lemon. First of all I want to say give yourself some grace as you open your mind and your heart to this crazy world of dating. I may be off-base but if you've been away from the dating world a while, the "over 40" crowd has unique challenges adjusting within this internet world. The younger generation grew into it, but we are forced to learn it from scratch, which is a whole extra conversation beyond what you shared in this post, so I will get back on topic, lol. You mention unconscious bias, and it is hard to tell whether that plays a part, but maybe you test that theory by pushing past it and continuing to talk to the guy based on your initial good feelings and giving him a chance, you know? It may help you understand yourself better or get to the bottom of how you're really feeling. It could also be that you are scared of entering into a new relationship, so weird excuses are popping up to protect yourself from the potential of emotional pain. Again, it could be SO many things happening. Getting back into a dating world, especially one that has really changed in the past several years, is definitely an adjustment. Give yourself time to sort it out, consider these first interactions as test runs. Then you'll begin to trust yourself to know when it's right and the individual is worth pursuing.
@MidwesternCalmSeeker thank you so much for your feedback, I appreciate it.
Long distance online dating is really challenging...
Aside from personal likes or dislikes which impact attraction I realise I'm also doubting his identity as the voice to me sounded way older than his age.
So I'm hoping the video call will clear that.
Rather than an excuse (as have been single for many years and really wish to experience a relationship now) I think it has to do with some inbuilt mechanism which helps us find partners. The same seems to be true with the way we perceive the body scent of a person which in itself alone seems to have a great influence on attraction.
a voice which is in tune with my ears seems such an important aspect but I had not considered it before as we were used to meeting people in person...
Hope I can find a way around this if it seems worthwhile!
@MidwesternCalmSeeker yesterday I managed to video call for first time and it did not have same effect. The voice did not annoy me at all.
I feel relieved!!
I think it has to do with seeing the person as a whole rather than few words on an audio clip. discovering people online seems to be more of a bit by bit thing than in real life
Hey
I think it definitely is a reason, a factor for liking/disliking.
All sensory stimulus, be it voice, looks or more subtle ones like touch, smell and taste do contribute to how we like to enjoy the other person.
And, you are right. In this long suffering world from corona, society has put masks on our needs and desires, maybe se of it good as now we can question what's good and what's bad. Although, one cannot touch, smell or taste a person on a person, sense of sight and sound are equally distorted on Internet. Still, they are available for connection. Along with conversations!
Conversations online and offline differ, I feel like, but you might have it flipped, in camparison to most of the millennial or people born with Internet. That's something I'm always fascinated with. So, I hope you are experimenting, trying to nourish yourself.
Stay hydrated. Ciao. 🔆
@Fluxelixir
Thanks for the feed back.
It's difficult to know someone even after living with them! So knowing someone online is truly impossible!
I'm sorry for the generations depending only on what they see on social media to determine if a person is likeable or not.
I understand better now how hard it must be growing up in a tech world. The more so in a pandemic 😔
Yes thanks I think I'm finally back to experimenting and hope I am learning better how to deal with rejection
Good say!