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Did I really mess up that bad?

exuberantSky2669 May 1st, 2023

Ok, this is going to be long. I’m a 40 year old female that jumped back in the dating pool about 6 months ago. About a month after that, I met a man whom I absolutely adore. (I will call him T) However, T has a roommate because he’s got quite a bit of financial burdens and he’s trying to be responsible and take care of those things. He’s not originally from the state that he and I live in. So when he moved here for work he used a website to find a roommate. Unfortunately, he didn’t really know the woman he is now roommates with. (I will be calling her R) I had met R a few times when I visited T at his house. I kind of got the impression that she might not want me there, but thought maybe I was just being paranoid. About a week ago, I stayed overnight with T. Things were ok enough with R even though she was adamant about leaving the moment I got there. Well, the next day, T and R were looking for a missing tv remote. R thought that maybe one of her grandkids who had been there prior to me arriving may have accidentally taken it. She used a voice assistant to call their mother. This is where I messed up. I heard her phone say “calling (insert name here) and I recognized the name. Her grandkid’s mother is my friend’s wife. I’m sitting there wondering if she is my friend’s mother in law but didn’t mention it to her. The next morning, I’m waiting to go to work, think to message my friend to ask him if she is his mother in law and explain that it’s a small world type situation. Turns out, she’s not. She’s his stepkids paternal grandmother. They legally are not related. Well, a couple hours later T messages me asking why I’m messaging R’s family members. (Note that I said members and not member!) I explain the whole situation. At this point, I’m still messaging my friend and he repeatedly tells me they are just roommates for some reason… and that R is mentally unstable. T realizes it’s just a misunderstanding mostly and says “I will talk to her when I get home and all will be fine.” Except it wasn’t. R made up all kinds of things. She told him that I told her that everyone with her political beliefs needed to be k***ed and that I messaged every single one of her family members including a son that supposedly wants to end her existence. I did NONE of that. Two days later, R flips the switch on T and tells him that it was actually him talking about people with her political believes needed to be k***ed and that he is crossing her by seeing me. Y’all, he said she was in the kitchen sharpening all the knives and talking about beating people with baseball bats. I was afraid for him. He pays most of the bills over there because she hasn’t worked in over a month and she told him he needed to move out despite that he is on the lease. Just because he’s talking to me. She doesn’t even want me back over there which is fine. I will respect her wishes. Even my friend and his wife think that she has blown it all out of proportion. At this point, I’m thinking of cutting my losses, and breaking it off with him, but it also seems unfair to him for me to do that. Was what I did that bad? How bad would it be if I broke it off with him over this? Thanks if you read all that.


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toughTiger6481 May 1st, 2023

@exuberantSky2669

wow that lady has a few screws loose ....... i do not see anything you did wrong .... i wonder how the information got so messed up.....

did the friend tell any other family members "hey yeah just found out my friend is seeing T who lives with R" It seems odd she assumed you texted all her family.

did you ask or discuss anything about her with your friend it is easy to be lumped into something if your friend does not have a high opinion of her and assumes you agree with them etc.... sounds like a real bad game of telephone that the original message may have been innocent but twisted as as few of her family discussed it....

if she is unstable like she sounds just backing off and not speaking with friend about her seems like the best plan

2 replies
exuberantSky2669 OP May 4th, 2023

I haven’t spoken to my friend since the day the whole thing got started. He basically ended up telling me he didn’t like her and that she was crazy. I didn’t comment on that. I know he mentioned it to his wife because that is how R found out about me messaging my friend. If he said anything to anyone else it is beyond my knowledge. I haven’t been given the opportunity to talk to R at all. I’ve only been told that she remains adamant that I do not go over there. T was in the hospital the day I posted

this and he needed somethings from his house and I couldn’t even go get them for him. I have no way to contact R outside of social media and that seems like a bad idea.

1 reply
toughTiger6481 May 4th, 2023

@exuberantSky2669

Yes this is a good example of how social media IMO is the ultimate telephone game .... i used to look at posts and see at least 2-3 ways it could be taken.

it again may never have been something you said but as you said friend talked to his wife and if she said anything ....... things can be attributed to you even if it is their opinion.


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dukeofdearham May 4th, 2023

Why would you break up with T?