Tell me about your relationships.
I want to hear the happy, the sad, the good, the bad. No one is perfect. Everything takes work, and more often than not, things don't work out. It's sad and it sucks, but we keep trying to pull through to find someone who will work with us. I want to hear your experiences because I think it's important.
@kitpry
My relationship is... challenging. On the verge of being destructive. But we are committed.. Going on 12 years of marriage and we're in it for the long haul!
@PeachT
I like hearing about stuff like that, but I also worry sometimes too. If both parties are willing to try to make things work, then that's all that matters. If it's one sided or toxic, then things need to be reconsidered.
Sometimes, a split can be for the best despite being very sad in itself.
These days I feel like people are very quick to jump ship without even trying to work things out; that there's a significant lack of committment wherein there's too much of a "me-first" mentality. By all means, that can be a good and healthy perspective to have most of the time, but when you're in a relationship, it's no longer just about you. There's give and take, and there's another person's needs and wants and emotions. It comes down to balancing your own health and theirs at the same time. If the balance simply isn't there and can't be worked out, then there is definitely a need to reconsider the relationship.
In any case, I wish you the best of luck! 12 years is a long time, and it'd be sad to see it all go down the drain.
@PeachT
Wow. You described my relationship to a T. I have also been married for 12 years and it seems like every year is more challenging than the last one. We're struggling so hard right now and there doesnt seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel. I don't think either of us knows what to do.
I'm soon 26 and I haven't so much as kissed a girl. I've tried to find someone for a very long time but I just don't seem to be good enough for anyone.
@ThomasHs
My fiancé was 27 when he had his first kiss and 28 by the time he met me. He is in no way broken or not good enough, as far as I can see. I know it can be discouraging, and my fiancé has fully admitted to me that he purposely avoided girls and didn't ask them out for a long time because he thought he wasn't good enough. But, for us anyway, we found in each other someone with whom we were just so comfortable, and it works for us.
Sometimes, I think it's less about being "good" and more about being right for each other. Neither of us is perfect, but I help him with lack of motivation and social skills, and he helps me with debilitating mental (and sometimes physical) health issues.
Putting aside things like first kiss for a moment. How are you with talking to romantic interests? Or talking to people in general?
@engineeringPenguin very bad. I'm currently waiting on getting assessed for autism. I've tried to talk to girl online and getting to know them but i just get either rejected or ghosted. I can barely carry a conversation.
@ThomasHs I'm sorry to hear that and, yes, autism could make that more challenging.
What is it about a relationship in particular that you're seeking? Are there other areas in your life where you can maybe fill those needs?
@engineeringPenguin I wish to have both emotional and sexual intimacy. I want to explore and learn all that.
@ThomasHs That's fair. And both of those will definitely require interaction with others. As far as girls go, though, it's likely that their needs will require the emotional intimacy comes before the sexual. There are exceptions, and a long term relationship requires both, but that's my (limited) experience.
Eagerness to learn is definitely a good sign. Do you have any trusted friends or mentors with whom you can talk about this? Intimacy is hard, and it's much easier to talk to someone who knows you well (although I know not everyone here has the luxury of having someone like that). That said, I can try to help at least talk about theory, if you would like.
@engineeringPenguin I don't feel close to anyone.
@ThomasHs I wish I could offer more on how to build close relationships, but I honestly don't really remember how mine got built. Some combination of "I got lucky" and "Someone who likes to interact with people decided to adopt me." I enjoy talking about human behaviour, but I'm actually pretty bad at people.
What sort of stuff do you enjoy regularly?
@engineeringPenguin pretty much just playing music and video games.
@ThomasHs
EngineeringPenguin has pretty much covered everything that I wanted to say so far.
So long as you keep putting in the effort and keep putting yourself out there and trying to meet new people (usually through other people) you'll eventually find someone who takes interest in you, and you them.
It's hard and it's depressing and it sucks to continuously put forth effort to seemingly no avail.
Have you tried joining a local band? Putting your music on YouTube? Going to conventions? They're all valid ways of meeting new people with common interests.
I love my husband and know he loves me but I don't think he's in love with me. He has a female friend he sees after work sometimes doesn't tell me he's going till he's home. When we met he was in love with his married counsellor who said no. He was texting his ex and allowed her to use his bank for a whole year after. Now it's this girl and tho there's no cheating I feel he likes her which is worse.
I've told him how I feel and he just doesn't really say anything. He just hangs his head like a boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar. We both have depression and 2 kids but I feel second best. Don't know what to say or do anymore q
@cakebaby87
Have the two of you already tried marriage counseling?
This sounds like it's been a chronic problem from before the two of you were even married.
@kitpry
No but we do talk. I've had 'THE TALK' with him a few times since we married and even before that. But it's like he doesn't realise what he's doing he just sees it as talking to another girl. I see it as him talking but also having feelings for someone else. I can't tell what goes on in his thoughts or feelings but I know how I feel and maybe I'm just blowing it all out of proportion but I feel like second best and like sh#t
Relationships are so hard. My age is "mature". I don't know if thats helpful or not. You would think with age comes wisdom. My husband passed away over 4 years ago. I've dated some since. I've met a man that is crazy about me. It's so nice to not be alone. But, I'm not sure he's really THE ONE for me. We have nothing in common. His response to that is "opposites attract". I believe that's true to some extent but not really to the extent of us. I can't decide if I should just end it and continue to date or be happy with him and what we have, however limited. He has so many great qualities. But, I don't know if its enough.
@scarletNickel750 if you enjoy his company, and you respect, trust and adore each other to some extent, enjoy the moment! that is my advice. Ther eis no reason to worry about how things will look in 1 year from now. 1 year is not guarenteed, none of know what the future holds.
@Regatta707
You're right, no one is ever guaranteed anything. And thats part of my motivation. I'm not getting any younger. I don't feel like I want to waste any time on something I think won't get better. Does that make sense?
@scarletNickel750
I've felt the same way in my few relationships thus far and the advice often given to me is "enjoy it while it lasts." Suffice to say, none of them have lasted nor ended particularly well.
It comes down to finding the love that you feel you want and deserve. If the chemistry isn't there, it probably won't be. But love has different forms. It's up to you to decide if that's what you want.
My relationship of almost 2 years just ended. Well, he ended it. I was in love with him, but in the end, he said he did not feel that for me. He broke up with me, but first, he cheated on me. I was very open with communication, I was willing to be vulnerable, and I showed him, and gave him my heart. Uncondtitionally. Dealing with losing him, the person who had become my best friend, has been very difficult. I miss my friend. I miss his compainioship, and I miss the connection I felt with him. Ultimately, He does not have the capacity to love; I see now, he does not even know how to love himself. His fear of intimacy is too overwhelming. During our time together, I never saw these things. If I had, I known I would have tried to work through them with him. I saw so many great qualities in him, it is sad to me that he does not see these in himself.
@Regatta707
Feeling sad about losing what you feel is a good person is definitely understandable, and very relatable.
More often than not we make ourselves vulnerable to people who cannot do the same for us. It's unfortunate.
I hope that writing that out was able to help you at least a little bit in processing your break up.
Its very complicated and very rocky bumpy ride my fiancée and I got together in 2014 and in 2014 I destroyed our engagement by telling someone about my partners problems health things wasn't my place I wasn't in the right state of mind and I had loads of making up to do further along in the relationship is was great things got a bit tricky but we managed it now being almost 2yrs and 7 months together things are going down hill him and I can't have a normal conversation I really want to but sometimes I talk different and say things in a different way and he having asburgers its kinda difficult at times him and I always argue about BS things every effin time and we are both sick of it its about money for him smokes for him games for him he always ask how much money I got we use to be very happy till we moved and he changed and when he changed I did too our life is like beauty and the beast it feels so real just like that I talked my partner like crap by mistake I got a cold and I'm loosing my voice and can't talk very well I gave him a bit of attitude and it was a huge mistake and he flipped out and came at me with my attitude and threw it back in my face he keeps telling me to leave I said no he walked out the door we try and have space from one another but its hard with a car that drinks so much petrol when there isn't any need to and with him always wanting me to go out every second for him drains my petrol we do get space I let him have his own time been doing that when we first got together he dose his thing I do mine and we leave it at that but its becoming so hard we use to be happy and he said he ain't happy within himself cause of what he's done for us not being happy ever since we moved house we both changed we argue more over worthless crap when there is no need for it I just want a norm normal conversation with him without being called names hurtful names and when its not about him and things he wants we ain't even engaged and we ain't even sort of bf n gf its so complicated we are together but sort of not together if that makes sense him and I have so much in common we always get along very well when we don't argue about things that he wants or this or that I just want to wake up one day and without arguing just a normal good day but sometimes I'm afraid to wake up cause I'm scared things will hit the fan again I just want the guy I fell in love with back
@BrightRedFlower2322
We're slowly working things out him and I have this connection with each other I feel moody when he's moody and things like that we love each other a lot but we gotta work things out with him always wanting things when he knows he can't get and has to wait till money comes in just hard but I'm going to make sure him and I jump that hurdle together to the other sideand mend things
i just started dating my bf almost two months ago and we were friends for a while but didn't start talking till this past semester and we been doing pretty well he has an anxiety disorder but he takes medications for that he is the best thing that has ever happened to me and he loves me for me no matter what i never had that before till now i love my Edward 
There's a man i'm undeniably in love with. I have no doubt in my mind that hes my soul mate and ive never in my life felt this with someone.
I've been in many relationships in my life and somethings always ALWAYS been off in them and I could never fully commit myself, until he came around. We've had a rocky go for the last 5 months we've known each other, he was on and off with a 6 year relationship, dealing with his brothers death, his fathers death, and battling with feeling emotions and feeling PAIN more importantly. He's numbed it out with alcohol, hes numbed it out with drugs, hes numbed it out with his dark but hilarious sense of humor..
We're good friends and talk daily about anything and everything but sometimes he gets scared and closed off because he starts to feel anything.
For a long time he's told me im the only thing thats brought him true happiness in years, how special I am, how I deserve the world. He's never lead me on or lied, never been anything but honest no matter how brutal it was to say.
I don't doubt he loves me too, even if we're just in a weird spot right now. Everyone sees how we interact with one another, everyone sees how happy we make one another, everyone sees how like his old self he becomes around me (joyous and open and vibrant). I'm just worried for him. I see him numbing the pain still and telling everyone else (besides me) hes fine constantly when he's not.. I want to stand by him and support him every step of the way, whether we're just friends or not, I want to be there. For once in my life theres not a hesitation of how I feel or what I want to do or know is right.
I guess I'm just curious if anyones been in the same situation.. or if anyone has any advice?
Am I doing the right thing? I don't want to look to him for affirmation because he's not asking me to be by his side through all of his pain, I just know I need to be.
Any input would be helpful here, negative or positive.
@Bellumpax This, at the very least, doesn't seem like a toxic relationship. Your dedication is very admirable. Hopefully with your help he can begin to pull himself out of himself and allow himself to be vulnerable.
Just remember, it's not your fault should anything happen. Keep trying your best. It will be and likely is exhausting; keep yourself healthy.
@kitpry I definitely needed to read this right now for a little reassurance so thank you
My first relationship actually was going really great. We never argued, never cheated. Even though that may seem like the perfect couple we broke up back in January for one reason or the other. Thing is I still like her but she has another boyfriend so you can imagine how bad i feel right now
@kitpry djsnwk
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