Meeting a potential girlfriend
Hi everyone,
I want to ask you for advice or your story about how you overcome a similar issue.
I am 22 years old guy. I have been socially anxious since I can possibly remember (started off as being shy during childhood). Talking to strangers (often with old friends too) is just stressful. I usually think I'm the worse one and that there is one right response that I don't know (but logically I know I'm wrong).
I managed to make few friends that approached me and put effort into being friends with me. But this is not going to work with meeting a woman that could be my potential girlfriend or wife in the future.
I have heard of this community called "Game" or "pick up artists", where guys simply learn pick up. I thought this may be the solution towards getting more confident around people and it would be just fun, so I started approaching woman with my friend on the street. Then I stopped for a while and after few months started going out to clubs with my friend, where we would introduce each other to girls. And this is where the problem starts. I did have lots of great reactions but I pretty much ended up being more anxious than I used to be. There is always this thing buzzing in my head "I don't know what to say!", "I have to be fun!!", "I have to flirt, but how?!" and lots more. It's even illogical cuz I can simply see that girls are interested in me even when I barely open my mouth. I always try to hide my lack of confidence by maintaining open body language, keeping eye contact... but when it comes to talking I'm simply quiet and stressed. Often just leaving the group after like 5 minutes.
And approaching on the streets. Many women used to walk away, many used to stop and talk (even during those conversations I would be awkward and trying to hide it but they were still smiling and asking questions). Yet, I got even more anxious. Now I just can't open my mouth even to strangers (guys/girls) standing with me in the queue. Simply ridiculous.
This doesn't revolve all around meeting a potential girlfriend. I also want to be able to choose my potential friends. Not always be the one that has to wait till people decide to come and talk to me.
I don't really know what is a normal way of meeting a potential girlfriend 
I thought that there will be girls at university but I haven't foreseen that most women are not into Computer Science.
I don't know if I need help with this or if I just needed to get this off my chest. I have been thinking about going to a counsellor at my university but then I don't even know if I have some disorder or if this whole social anxiety is just my illogical imagination.
Thanks if you managed to read all of this. It's a bit long.
@Michal94 Hmm . you're 22 and in college right? And you go to clubs and bars looking for chicks? If you are looking for girlfriend material .. try to have a serious, normal conversation w/her. Don't be insecure w/yourself and worry about how to talk or what to say. Just be yourself. The girls are nervous too!
(Edited for unsupportive content by @Lyra)
@Michal94
Hey want to chat i am here for support <3
@Michal94
It just sounds like you've become overwhelmed about it all because you've been pressing at it all too hard. Try to just relax, be yourself and don't worry about the outcome so much. That might help.
If you are mostly focused on the scripted aspect of it then idk what to say but I will say that not every girl desires that. Remember that nuance and diversity exists, even if it's less common and hard to find. Not all girls look for someone who is super overconfident and dominant.
@Michal94
Howdy Michal,
no mather where you want to meet your next girlfriend, you have to keep in mind all the questions you should ask her to get to know her. I found something that might help you:
21+ Good Questions to Keep Her Interested & Curious by THE STALLION STYLE!
1. What is something you have tried, but will never do again?
2. What quirky habit do you have?
3. Who is your best friend?
4. What is the one thing you did in your past you wish you could undo?
5. What is your biggest fear?
6. What is the one place in the world you wish you lived in?
7. Would you rather be loved or have a lot of money?
8. What is the happiest memory from your childhood?
9. What is the most embarrassing moment of your life?
10. What would your dream date be like?
11. What would you change about your personality & look?
12. Who has influenced you the most in your life?
13. What is something you used to do as a child that you wish you could still do?
14. What is the worst thing about dating?
15. What is the one career you would love to enter?
16. Are you close with your family?
17. What is the one movie that influenced your life the most?
18. Where is the one place in the world you feel safe?
19. What is the one thing you want to experience before you die?
20. What is your ultimate goal in life?
You can find more questions here: http://thestallionstyle.com/20-really-interesting-questions-to-ask-a-girl-you-like/
I hope you like this resource and keep finger crossed for you! Take Care!
Hi Buddy,
I can relate to you on many levels. I would love to hear your experiences after using the advice people gave here. We can even share some ideas on pm. Feel free to drop me a message. my id is goofup14.
Regards,
Hi there, I really hear how stressful it is for you when talking to people. I do not have social anxiety per se (or in better words, I have never checked to see if I am diagnosed with it... though I'd admit that I wanted to before but chickened out as seeing a college counselor about it seems so serious lol), but I do feel a lot of anxiety when talking to people, especially in a new scene. What is a good tip to remember though is that many people are nervous as well. What you see on the surface (the inflated confidence and sociability) during social interactions... well let us just say that it's just good acting haha.
I mean sure, not everybody feels the fear and pressure that can come with talking to people, but it is good to keep in mind that there are many people out there who are scared when it comes to socializing! You are not alone. And it's understandable to be scared too because people are so unpredictable after all.Thus, in short, what you're feeling stressed about is the uncertainty of where a conversation will go, and the irrational fear/possibility that you could somehow mess up a potential chance of gaining a friend/girlfriend.
All in all, what really helps me is to push myself to do something that puts me in an uncomfortable scenario (and trust me, it took me years to finally get to where I am lol). You grow from such experiences and gain tips/ideas on navigating the social scene. For example: I forced myself to take dance classes, and through there I get a workout and meet people too. It's tough and I'd admit that it's always great, but what keeps me going is that socializing is like a tool/skill that you have to learn and sharpen. If I don't do this for myself, I'll lose out on meeting some of the most coolest and understandable people out there. So the main thing I guess is to find some courage and know that if you're uncomfortable...you're doing it right :)
@2cupsofteaa
I will admit that it is not always great*
@Michal94
If you're in university, maybe a good place to meet girls would be campus extracurriculars. Think about your interests outside of your major and see if your school has a student organization for that. That way, you can meet new people that you wouldn't regularly get to interact with. Also, conversation starters would be taken care of for you because you can just talk to girls about whatever was discussed in the meeting or about events that are coming up! Good luck!
