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Michal94
1,370 M Little Steps 4
PathStep 19 Compassion hearts55 Forum posts15 Forum upvotes16 Current upvotes16 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2019 Member sinceSeptember 30, 2016
Recent forum posts
Meeting a potential girlfriend
Relationship Stress / by Michal94
Last post
 February 20th, 2017
...See more Hi everyone, I want to ask you for advice or your story about how you overcome a similar issue. I am 22 years old guy. I have been socially anxious since I can possibly remember (started off as being shy during childhood). Talking to strangers (often with old friends too) is just stressful. I usually think I'm the worse one and that there is one right response that I don't know (but logically I know I'm wrong). I managed to make few friends that approached me and put effort into being friends with me. But this is not going to work with meeting a woman that could be my potential girlfriend or wife in the future. I have heard of this community called "Game" or "pick up artists", where guys simply learn pick up. I thought this may be the solution towards getting more confident around people and it would be just fun, so I started approaching woman with my friend on the street. Then I stopped for a while and after few months started going out to clubs with my friend, where we would introduce each other to girls. And this is where the problem starts. I did have lots of great reactions but I pretty much ended up being more anxious than I used to be. There is always this thing buzzing in my head "I don't know what to say!", "I have to be fun!!", "I have to flirt, but how?!" and lots more. It's even illogical cuz I can simply see that girls are interested in me even when I barely open my mouth. I always try to hide my lack of confidence by maintaining open body language, keeping eye contact... but when it comes to talking I'm simply quiet and stressed. Often just leaving the group after like 5 minutes. And approaching on the streets. Many women used to walk away, many used to stop and talk (even during those conversations I would be awkward and trying to hide it but they were still smiling and asking questions). Yet, I got even more anxious. Now I just can't open my mouth even to strangers (guys/girls) standing with me in the queue. Simply ridiculous. This doesn't revolve all around meeting a potential girlfriend. I also want to be able to choose my potential friends. Not always be the one that has to wait till people decide to come and talk to me. I don't really know what is a normal way of meeting a potential girlfriend I thought that there will be girls at university but I haven't foreseen that most women are not into Computer Science. I don't know if I need help with this or if I just needed to get this off my chest. I have been thinking about going to a counsellor at my university but then I don't even know if I have some disorder or if this whole social anxiety is just my illogical imagination. Thanks if you managed to read all of this. It's a bit long.
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