Friendships being converted into romantic relationships ... can it work? Share your story
Okay, so you're good friends with someone and then suddenly ... uh oh, one of you develops romantic "feelings" for the other, or you both develop such feelings for each other. Where would you go from here, if anywhere? 
Maybe the friendship can become a successful romantic relationship, but there's so much that can also go wrong and end up derailing both the friendship and the chance for that friendship to become a successful romance.
Maybe your friend developed feelings for you and decided to act on them, but you're not comfortable with it and furthermore, have begun noticing things about your friend's behavior toward you previous to them acting on their feelings that you overlooked before. Some of these things may include your supposed friend not listening to a word that you're saying during group discussions with other friends. That can be overlooked in a friendship with that person, perhaps, but could spell TROUBLE in a romance where communication is paramount to the success of the relationship (and communication is also very important in regular friendships, as well).
Maybe you developed felings for your friend, but you don't know how to tell that person and you find yourself becoming more anxious when you next meet your friend, and talking to them seems to become more difficult and nerve-wracking.
Can friendships even be successfully converted into romantic relationships? Why or why not? Please share your story and your opinions on this question here. 
I have a story to share here, also (and have actually posted it on another thread on this board, so I will post a paraphrased version, which will likely be shorter, here) ... I'll post more about that on this thread later.
Im gonna tag some people here 👍
@Daisy7Cups @ASilentObserver
More taggies (because I think you will all have great insights into this 🙂)
@intellectualDrum3128 @frigidstars27 @NoneTheWiser
@AbbyHarris1976
Hi Abby 😃, thanks so much for the tag and for making this forum thread.
I will share two instances based upon this topic. That basically destroyed my friendship with two friends I had in school time, just because of this romanticism that was from their side 👎, but from my side I just liked them as friend and had no other feelings for them.
1) back some years, I had a good friend and he was really helping and kind. We two used to be good friends, but then suddenly my batchmates used to tease us about that we two are seeing each other. But it was just ridiculous as I just saw him as brother and as a good friend. I talked to my friend about this that I don't have any sorts of feelings for him, and I told my friends but they kept on telling stuffs. And finally from another friend I came to know that this friend of mine, he had told to his other friend that he had some feelings for me .This just made me feel bad as I didn't felt that way for him and I feared about losing the friendship, and I spoke to him, about why he did so. And after this incidence this just broke our friendship, as he stopped talking. And so I formed boundary as well from that friendship.
2) 3 years back I had one friend, who was good. I had met him in school and he was helping. But it was some months only, that I noticed that from friendship attitude his attitude weren't like that of a friend and this made me just form boundary and quite the friendship.
🔶 so for me I feel that, yeah there are some situations where some friends form feelings mutually for each other and they can work upon it and be romantic partner.
But often these romantic feelings that one develops while the other doesn't feels in the same way. And when the former takes some steps and crosses the boundaries of the later, this just ruins the friendships as that hurts the later one.
👍I feel that, people must initially try to understand that, all people have their own sets of emotions and one can't forcibly impose their feeling for others who can't feel in the same way. When I had spoke to my friend, he was just angry with me, but am glad I formed the boundary as that made the friendship toxic.
Hugs, have a good day ahead 😃.
@AbbyHarris1976
I've been in this situation a few times. Specificially with my ex husband in fact, and I absolutely did overlook some things that I should have seen as red flags because they didn't matter when we were friends. For us, we kind of fell into a friends with benefits situation, and we both had kids who became like brother and sister...and eventually we decided to get married. Looking back I feel so dumb not talking through what we wanted in the future, because of course the kids didn't want to be together as much as they got older, and that glue holding us together fell apart. We really should have talked periodically about where we were and where we wanted to be.
Currently I'm seeing someone who I dated 10 years ago and have been friends with since. One big difference is that he is very upfront with what he wants in a relationship and has been giving me space to progress slowly as I heal from my last relationship. We are talking about what we want and don't want, and sort of exploring areas where we are compatible and potential issues.
I think regardless of whether you are friends first, that sort of open communication and future thinking is essential. If you don't have that as friends, you probably won't as lovers.
I posted a big multi-post retelling of what happened between me and my (former?) friend Juan Carlos, who I also used to co-organize the social anxiety support group with. That multi-post is on my diary thread (Abby
If we are to constantly be afraid that things might go wrong there will come a point when we will not only not have any initiative anymore but be even so scared and closed as to not recognise or respond to signs given to us...
In my life I had both experiences, from friends to romance and from romance to friends and they worked while they lasted and my only regrets are overthinking things and many lost opportunities that life begifted me with and because of this fear of "what if" s...
Life is an adventure, the worst thing is to fail, but if you don't even try for fear of failing, that is not living, just "conservation", "preservation" in a state of "rien faire..."...
@dontputworriesonClouds
Absolutely.
I settled in my marriage for less than I wanted, and it made me miserable. So I left him once it became clear he didn't want to put in the work. I simply couldn't imagine looking back 10-20 years from now and knowing that I settled for that long.
Life is short. You should seek out people who make you feel happy.
I only have one experience and it's current.
I've never been in a romantic relationship. Never cared to be either, honestly. I've had plenty of friendships with guys too and haven't had anything happen due to it. In the beginning of last year I met a guy and we were friends for about 5-6 months before he started dropping hints that he liked me. I've been flirted with before but his statements were much milder and overall endearing so I didn't even notice what was happening at first. Thinking back on it, he might've been testing the waters (although I think he was also wary of getting into anything serious). He'd often thank me for being his friend and eventually said he considered me his best friend. He too, became mine. He started confiding in me a lot about personal things. Then one day he apologized saying he was sorry and that he didn't want anything weird to happen between us, but that he wanted to say he loved me. He quickly explained that he loves his friends of course and says the same thing to his guy friends too. I told him he was a great friend and I loved him too. There was a very gentle escalation that continued.
Throughout all of this I was very accepting and I think that added to his confidence. I think if I had rejected him more on those things early on, things may not have gone down the road of romance. And I think we would have stayed proper friends. However, I had already developed a crush on him (something I thought was a friend crush) so I was more than fine with being extra friendly. Things were fine until one time he admitted to me that I made him feel warm and fuzzy, a feeling he had felt when he had been in love before. He reassured me that I shouldn't worry because he hadn't fallen in love with me and reiterated that romantic relationships weren't his thing. As usual I thought nothing of it, but knowing I made him feel like he was in love... it made me a little too happy. Which sent me down my road of discovery about my feelings and my fight with denial started.
Our confessions went in an interesting way. He didn't have any girls as friends at the time although he had in the past. However, he brought up some things and I felt... jealous. He could tell right away that I was upset. He then wanted some space for a couple days. Even suggested that maybe we don't talk for a month or so; that we could use some time apart. That hurt too but I supported his decision. A couple days later he got in touch and told me he spent the time thinking. He admitted that he considered breaking off our friendship because he was scared of something he had known about for a while. And that's when he confessed his feelings. I was so relieved because I thought I had scared him off. I did confess mine as well, which he seemed oddly surprised about. We went on for a while still as friends although it was a little awkward haha. He'd often half-joke about how we should just date. Eventually he started saying I was his defacto girlfriend. And finally he asked me out.
Sorry for the long story there! I'm surprised at how much better I feel after writing it out. He and I have been having some troubles the past few months. He had long shared something with me concerning his troubled past but it was something I overlooked because we were friends. Now it's crept into our relationship. He's been faithful of course and he's only worried about hurting me. For a little while he actually got scared of losing me. He's going down a path of self-discovery, acceptance, and change. Thanks to our foundation of friendship, I've been able to better support him. Our romance has some wounds but it's nothing that can't be healed. If we hadn't started out as friends, I really don't think I'd be sticking by him through this.
I will say, however, that if our romance does end in the future, he and I both have acknowledged that we wouldn't be able to remain friends. So we've accepted that. Not to say we wouldn't try, but we already feel that it wouldn't work. Although he seems convinced we'll be married in the future haha
One last note: he did have a romance prior to mine that did not start as a friendship. He was also to blame for her breaking up with him. And they had tried to remain friends afterwards but it didn't work. He told me most of the story when we were just friends. I think he and I are just more suited to having a friendship as a foundation. Although that could mean that a marriage might not work for people like us. Who knows what our future holds, but I hope it'll be a good one.
