Exhausted, overwhelmed looking for a different perspective.
I (38f) confronted my husband (39m) and he admitted to sending multiple messages out to "test the waters"/feed his ego. Claims he was bored and not thinking of the consequences. Obviously because he's probably been doing it so long and never been caught. During our discussion, he unwillingly admits during one of his chats, he said he wished he was single. Being that we are newly married (2022), I lashed out and beat him. I have never done that in my life, never even been in a fight. We've always discussed being violent towards each other as a hard deal breaker..... He now says we can sweep it under the rug. I apologized for my actions and told him that neither one of us is right but they dont just cancel each other out. I don't want to leave him but I don't want him to think everything will be ignored.
@shyCow1118,
sweeping things under the rug means that was actually should be talked about starts leading a life of its own. And when that happens, relationships tend to go down south.
The question is, why is he showing this behavior. Relationship therapy might help to improve heart to heart communication.
@dukeofdearham - He told me he lacks self control.... I admit that our sex life died down after having our child. But keep in mind, our kid is special needs and I am the primary caregiver, as well as having a 12yo to mother, and working a full-time job. I communicated with him many times that stress has killed my libido. All he has to do is help out around the house and pay some bills and I'd more than happily tickle his balls more often. 🤷🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️
@shyCow1118,
it feels like he knows somewhere that what he's doing is not ok, won't admit and uses excuses to justify. We all have needs, we all need help and understanding, space, feeling safe and appreciated. Often things happen in a relationship.and we stop communicating from the heart.
Sometimes it's too late to restore trust and build, sometimes not.
Have you ever considered relationship therapy?
Hey just wanted to ask how things are going if you're ok with sharing about it?
@myfreshstart - Lucky for me I was already seeking therapy and my first session was the night this all happened! #whataretheodds 🤯 ... My therapist said my feelings and reactions were valid based on the situation. I have made it clear that my physical reaction was inappropriate and I'm sure it wouldn't happen again because I'm learning on ways to process my ***.... He on the other hand, has not scheduled therapy and acts like nothing has happened. I don't know if he's still doing whatever he wants because I haven't gone thru his phone again telling myself, it was a one-time thing.
Now I'm hit with the dilemma; do I bring up the subject to him and see if he talks (is he still messaging ppl or not) or do I go thru his phone and check for myself?