should I send the message?

@amicablePlum9127 I’d lean toward the second option - it has more potential for what you want. 

@PineTreeTree

The second option? The one where I leave it to her to reach out if she wants to?

@amicablePlum9127 yes ball in her court

Before anything else, you know your ex probably better than anyone you know who could give you advice on this. Always take that into consideration when someone suggests you do this or that because they think that’s what she would want. It really depends on the kind of person she is. Is she indecisive? Is she avoidant? Does she run away whenever something goes even slightly bad? What I’m trying to say is, do you believe her when she said she lost attraction to you? If any of the above is correct and you don’t believe what she said is true, go ahead and shoot your shot. She might be regretting what she did now, but is too ashamed or prideful to ask for you back.

But—if she is someone who sticks to her word, is stubborn, is in a new relationship or showed signs that she lost attraction to you while you were together, then I think you already know what her answer will be. You can still ask if she’d like to meet just to “catch up”, and then ask if she’s ever thought about you while you were apart, because you have been thinking about her. If she stands by her word, then at least you get your closure. Because if by continuing to think about her you are delaying yourself from finding someone you could do all those sweet things with and more; someone who won’t break up with you because they’ve lost attraction.

@singularitypls

She is avoidant and does tend to run when things get tough. So I'm not sure she'd contact me if she regretted ending it. But she is also very stubborn. So I can't say she'd even consider trying again if she did regret it.

I don't think she's in a new relationship, but I can't say for sure.

The closure thing might be the best option cause I'm just stressing myself out over whether or not telling her this and asking if she'd want to try again is a good idea or not.

Maybe I will do themeet to catch up idea. If I ask her, I was just going to text because I'm stressed as all ***. At least I'd get an immediate answer in person

@amicablePlum9127

You say the thought or idea keeps popping up in your head .....sometimes i think there is a reason ideas keeping popping up. 

it is not asking her back but a simple how she helped you grow and you liked the time you had spent with her..... she inspired you to try things that would have not without her..... 

I think these type things are things people should say....   think of all the times in life when people made a difference and we never shared this.... 

@toughTiger6481

I'm gonna need some help with that one. How is telling her all this not basically asking for her back?

@amicablePlum9127

Have you ever told anyone you appreciated what they added in your life without wanting anything in return ...something like " i know we are not together and we will do different things in life but i wanted to thank you for  time when you ....( whatever she added to your life) .    taught you something made you view world differently gave you confidence or wanting to be a better person..... that does not scream come back ...

a favorite teacher/ mentor  even someone who helped you navigate something difficult...   thanking others  is something many feel uncomfortable with and the people who freely do it seem to have ulterior motives...   but i will tell you the many times i have done it was uplifting and rewarding for a person to know you appreciate them.... just for them  

@toughTiger6481 great advice!

I decided to send a message asking if she wants to grab dinner sometime and catch up. She agreed. I'm MORE stressed now than I was about deciding whether to reach out or not!

@amicablePlum9127 That makes sense. Bring your appetite and intuition to dinner. Try not to be to invested in a result.