Unusual Breakup
A couple of weeks ago I told my boyfriend that I was going out with some friends in November. The conversation started out normally enough until he began to get very anxious and angry. He demanded to know why he wasn’t told earlier and why he wasn’t invited to come along with us. This evolved into a whole argument where he accused me of planning on cheating on him.
I kept on telling him the truth and getting increasingly more upset and even frightened of his behaviour. I apologised several times and even cancelled the meet up with friends to try and appease him. Nothing worked to calm him.
Eventually he cut me off and stopped talking to me until the breakup text came a week later. He still believed I was going to cheat on him at some point and that I needed to be honest with him. He also said that we could still be friends and maybe get back together when I learn to be more honest.
I’m beating myself up for not telling him sooner about the meet up with friends and just thinking that I’m the villain in this situation. I also don’t think there’s a chance of another partner in my future, I just don’t want to get hurt like this again.
I am quite curious what your friends think of him prior to this and then after this. Has he always been like this or is this new to you that he can act this way?
@TiaLeopard11 This person sounds manipulative. The hopes he gave you about getting back together, show he doesn't respect you. You did nothing wrong and all this thing is based on his own insecurities and nothing more. You deserve someone much better than this toxic man. No regrets. Move forward. Thank you fir sharing and we're here for you!
Heyy don't feel like this. Coming out of a situation like this I understand your pain. No one can convince a partner who has a doubtful mentality they can never trust you despite of your efforts. I know u blame yourself, I blame myself too. I'm sending you the biggest hug of comfort. Please don't beat yourself up, u deserve better darling. Lots of love
@TiaLeopard11 my dear, this is not on you at all. Do not blame yourself or allow him to place the blame on you. How dare he tell you, you need to learn to be more “honest”?! That is completely gaslighting you into making you believe you did something wrong. You did nothing wrong and are in know way there villain. If anyone is the villain it is him for making you feel this way. You should be allowed to meet up with friends without your partner and your partner should accept this. He clearly has trust issues which is not on you to fix. This is something he will need to work on. I know it seems like the worst right now but it will get better and he doesn’t deserve you if you would treat you like this. Stay strong ♥️
I feel a little better now it’s been a couple of weeks since the split. I don’t know if I can be in another relationship since he treated me like this, I’m still confused as to why he thought I was going to cheat, because if it were true I wouldn’t have told him at all.
I’m happy you are feeling a bit better. I wouldn’t worry about if you could be in another relationship right now just work on being in one with yourself and give yourself some love. You didn’t do anything wrong. Give yourself grace ♥️
@TiaLeopard11 sorry this is a different kind of comment. I am sorry this happened to you.
I have never been in a relationship. I am really really scared I will be like your partner. I will have trust issues. A person has to lie to me once and I will never ever trust them again. It could be the smallest of the lies that don't mean much.
Plus I am very insecure about most of my things: I am ugly, I really don't really come across as smart to others usually. I am usually considered boring (i dont really have any hobbies) so my personality is boring too. Because of this insucurity, I am already kinda scared, my future partner may cheat on me.
Working on myself is going to take a lot of time. I could be really good and still won't feel enough. So meanwhile I try to improve myself, how can I stop myself from not trusting my partner. I will also be unusually quarrelsome when this happens
I’ve tried to work on my own insecurities in the past, a good therapist helped a lot.
But what bothered me most about this incident is that I wasn’t lying to him. I told my partner the truth about where and what I was going to do.
@TiaLeopard11 yes I understand thats pretty crazy. I am not sure what to say. Don't mind me - did you in the recent past lie to him (that need not have necessarily come up in conversations, in the sense you dint know he knew but he could have known) it could be something very very small. A white lie or something you tried to hide. Doesn't have to do with another person. Please please please don't take what I am saying to your heart. I am trying to play the devil's advocate. You don't have to mention the answer here. Maybe just contemplate.
The reason I ask this is: it could be something completely irrelevant. And maybe he dint trust you on something small and decided to never trust you. Again I am sorry if this is coming across as too nosy. I am not trying to get answers but just making you think if that's what you wanted. Take care. Again this is because he's too sensitive. Not your mistake