Lost

Been in my relationship for 2 years. Always struggled to feel comfortable sexually with others, before we dated too, and I am going backwards. I don't want to be touched and I don't want to be sexual with my partner. It's heartbreaking because I know she can feel my distance and I can't explain why I feel this way because I don't know. I just know I'm getting worse and not better. I don't know what to do. I find myself wishing she'd break up with me but then also wishing she wouldn't because we live together and have cats and could have a good life together. I'm so scared of leaving or messing up a relationship that's good but also so scared I'm lying to myself and maybe my toxic thoughts are right that I want to leave. I have anxiety and depression disorders and I know those are factors as to why I'm so unhappy. But I know parts are because of her and I'm just overflowing with guilt shame confusion worry and empathy it feels like I cannot make this decision or trust myself to know what to do. How do you know when the love you felt is gone for good or if you're just going through a major depressive episode and it makes everything impossible.? Any thoughts would be helpful. I'm letting her down and I hate this feeling.