Knew it was going to happen, just not this soon
My husband and I seperated 3 1/2 weeks ago. I unfortunately made the mistake of distancing myself from my friends over our ten year relationship, and became closer to his friends. Now that we are seperated I feel like the outsider, and that they are hanging out with him and being cautious of me, as they try to support him through this. I feel very alone, and to add to everything my husband has cut me off financially and I am being supported by my father whom is retired. I can't earn more than minimum wage at the moment, and I have our 2 children half the time, and I struggle to keep us warm, clothed, fed, and mobile (luckily I had one car that my mother left me when she passed away that I kept in my name).
He has also began hanging out with a group of friends that don't like me b/c a wife of one of them absolutely does not like me, and spread rumors that I tried to steal her husband (it took some time to quelch those rumors and everyone thinks she's just kind of nutty now, but they still hang out with her) and I believe she continues to bad mouth me when she gets the oppurtunity. My husband did not stick up for me at all when she was saying these things, and I told him I was uncomfortable with him hanging out with that group of friends, much to his dismay. Now only 3 weeks into or seperation he's hanging out with them again.
It hurts so bad, I just feel lonely, and turned on by nearly everyone I know. I have no idea if my husband is bad mouthing me or not, but I get so frustrated b/c he is making it so difficult for me, almost like punishing me (financially), and I imagine he makes himself look like the good guy and me the 'crazy' person. I know that 'karma' always comes back around, so I am keeping my mouth shut and only being courteous, especially for the sake of my children. I knew this was going to happen, but it's crushing for it to be so early on when I'm in such an emotional and stressful state.
@nania7707nx
Wow, it sounds like you are really going through a lot right now. I guess I wonder if you feel like separating was the best decision for you. If the answer is "yes," then hopefully you will be able to weather the storm and know that there is something positive on the other side of the situation - hopefully something more like the life that you were hopign to have for yourself. If you are unsure of whether or not the separation was a good idea, then it makes sense that you might be super conflicted right now about everything that is going on. No matter what, the pain of feeling isolated and even kind of betrayed by people that you thought were mutual friends is going to sting hard right now. Hopefully there are some people in your life that you can reach out to and that you can ask for help from as you rebuild your life in the direction that you want to go in. I am not sure what you feel like is the most important thing to focus on right now - getting more income, more friends, self care, picturing your future, or any other number of things. Hopefully you will ba able to get some clarity over the situation and decide whether or not you would like to remain separated or get back together - regardless of how your friends seem to be acting. Good luck.
@AndreaMendezLCSW
Thank you for replying. Now that some time has passed I am getting a litlle more clarity all the time. I really have no idea of how our mutual friends feel. I think they are just going on with their lives as usual, and not giving it too much thought. i would love to see many of them again sometime, but it isn't a live or die situation. My husband and I seperated 3 years ago, and I remember feeling so lonely and I was so offended by the lack of care everyone was giving me, and I just couldn't deal with it. This time around I knew that I would have moments of lonliness, and that it is normal and it will pass. I am actually grateful for the contact of my own friends/family that I have gotten, and i realize that it isn't all about me, which is actually a relief. I have ups and downs, I usually come on here when I feel down, and it helps me to vent (my kids said today that they want to go back to their dad's and live there all time - they're 4 and 6. As you can imagine that hurts, but that is a whole other topic). As time goes by it seems that seperation is the best thing for the family. I still have feelings for my husband, but I can feel them fading after every 'negative' encounter I have with him - which reminds me why I wanted to leave.
I've moved this to Breakups and Divorce.
