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nania7707nx
598 M Embraced 5
PathStep 31 Compassion hearts37 Forum posts30 Forum upvotes64 Current upvotes64 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2023 Member sinceMay 15, 2016
Recent forum posts
Brother in Downward Spiral
Addiction Support / by nania7707nx
Last post
 March 16th, 2021
...See more My brither and I have both have addiction problems since we were teens. We had the same friends and drank, did drugs and partied together (He's 2 years younger than me). We also both share our trauma together. We were physically, sexually, and mentally abused (often at the same moment in time) so in many ways we are very connected. I went down a very self destructive path after our mother's death (she was an alcoholic) from about 2010 to 2016 I was a mess. Suicide attemtps, self harm, severe addiction, DUI, and just adding more trauma ontop of what I already felt. Well, I started therapy, got on meds to stabilize my moods, and started group therapy which all really helped. Unfortunately my brother has started his own self destructive path recently and is up to a fifth of vodka or more every day, plus pills if he can find them. He drives to work every day and his job is starting to notice how bad he is. In the past month he has broke his arm, wrecked two cars, and collapsed at work and had to be escorted off the job for being intoxicated. I am trying to help him any way I can, but my first priority is to get him off the road. How do I do this? Who should I call? This whole situation is just wearing on me physically, mentally, and emotionally. My husband and I are trying to rally friends together to help him. My father is almost no help, so I really have very little family members to turn to. I just need help.
A family of addiction
Addiction Support / by nania7707nx
Last post
 May 29th, 2020
...See more My mother was an alcoholic for 25 years +. She drank when she was pregnant with me, and I never knew her sober up until the day she died from liver failure at 48 years old. Her being an alcoholic, she was never taking care of my brother and I. I watched my little brother. I made sure he ate, he wasn't thirsty, cold, scared...unfortunately we were always passed around to babysitters and one of them molested and mentally/physically tortured us for years. I started going to therapy and doing specialized treatment for PTSD about a decade ago. I still struggle, but my life is much improved. I am able to make much more rational decisions. Yesterday a friend called my husband and I and told us my brother is drinking "just like his mother did," and is spiralling. We both called him and he told me he shakes and hallucinates when he doesn't drink. I am so worried for him. I try not to get too wrapped up in it, becuase I have children and my husband, and I also don't want to become co-dependent. My brother doesn't understand this, and thinks that I'm abandoning him. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink...is what I keep thinking. I'm not sure what to do. If he doesn't stop or get help I know he will eventually die.
BPD and wanting isolation
Personality Disorders Support / by nania7707nx
Last post
 April 4th, 2020
...See more Does anyone else with BPD want to be alone? I know that there is an abandonment quality to BPD and wanting the person of focus to be around all the time, which I have definitely suffered from, but as I get older I find myself wanting to be alone more and more. I get tired of the ups and downs and arguments that happens in relationships (and are intensified with BPD). I kind wonder what it would be like to be on my own, and not be so hyper focused and emotional over a person.
social anxiety at it's worst but I have to keep going
Anxiety Support / by nania7707nx
Last post
 May 7th, 2017
...See more I've always been socially anxious. I have ups and downs with my social anxiety and this is usually the result of what I am going through at the time. I have PTSD from things that have happened throughout my life, and I know this effects my anxiety levels. I've sought some EMDR treatment, and it was effective, but also expensive. My social anxiety has been really bad since a good friend of mine commited suicide last year. My mother died in 2010 from alcoholism, and when my friend died (he had asked me for help with his depression 6 weeks before he died, so I felt even more responsible) it attached itself to the trauma of losing my mother. There were 3 instances where I broke down in public and started to cry and it was sudden and completely out of my control. This caused some kind of 'switch' to flip in my mind and I have trouble talking to people face to face without twitching and keeping eye contact (I even get nervous getting gas at the gas station). My mind begins to race and I can't concentrate. It's not that I'm afraid I will cry, it's just that I can't control my face/body movements. I'm also terrified I'll lose control, like get sick in front of someone. My husband and I recently seperated, so I needed to get a job to support myself and my kids. I recently got a job and the orientation is tomorrow. I'm obviously concerned of how I'm going to be able to perform, and while I know that in a few weeks my anxiety will improve, I just need to find some mental exercises and/or tips, on how other people with social anxiety get through high-stress situations like this.
Knew it was going to happen, just not this soon
Relationship Stress / by nania7707nx
Last post
 May 16th, 2017
...See more My husband and I seperated 3 1/2 weeks ago. I unfortunately made the mistake of distancing myself from my friends over our ten year relationship, and became closer to his friends. Now that we are seperated I feel like the outsider, and that they are hanging out with him and being cautious of me, as they try to support him through this. I feel very alone, and to add to everything my husband has cut me off financially and I am being supported by my father whom is retired. I can't earn more than minimum wage at the moment, and I have our 2 children half the time, and I struggle to keep us warm, clothed, fed, and mobile (luckily I had one car that my mother left me when she passed away that I kept in my name). He has also began hanging out with a group of friends that don't like me b/c a wife of one of them absolutely does not like me, and spread rumors that I tried to steal her husband (it took some time to quelch those rumors and everyone thinks she's just kind of nutty now, but they still hang out with her) and I believe she continues to bad mouth me when she gets the oppurtunity. My husband did not stick up for me at all when she was saying these things, and I told him I was uncomfortable with him hanging out with that group of friends, much to his dismay. Now only 3 weeks into or seperation he's hanging out with them again. It hurts so bad, I just feel lonely, and turned on by nearly everyone I know. I have no idea if my husband is bad mouthing me or not, but I get so frustrated b/c he is making it so difficult for me, almost like punishing me (financially), and I imagine he makes himself look like the good guy and me the 'crazy' person. I know that 'karma' always comes back around, so I am keeping my mouth shut and only being courteous, especially for the sake of my children. I knew this was going to happen, but it's crushing for it to be so early on when I'm in such an emotional and stressful state.
feeling so confused...needing some advice
Relationship Stress / by nania7707nx
Last post
 May 5th, 2017
...See more My husband and I seperated 3 weeks ago. I'm not sure if I want to repair and pursue our relationship in the long run, and I am confused with the feelings that I have. Sometimes I feel like I want to run away from this relationship as fast as I can, and sometimes I find myself missing my husband and all of the positive things I love about him. Most of all I am lonely and under so much pressure to take care of my home, bills, kids (when I have them), and struggling with my mental health problems completely on my own. My husband is very hard to read and is not one to open up easily, especially since we've hurt eachother so badly. I want to ask him if he still has feelings for me and if he wants to work on the marriage, but in seperate spaces (we absolutely do not get along living together right now). If he told me how he felt, I would feel a little more grounded. If he still cared then I would put some effort into repairing the damage. If he doesn't then I can reserve my energy for other things and disengage romantically to ease the pain of losing him. I want to reach out, but I am worried that my feelings will change in the future, and I will realize I want to move on, and then I will feel like I strung him along. I want him to be happy too, with or without me. Should I tell him how I feel? This confusion is driving me insane!
Lost my friend to depression
Depression Support / by nania7707nx
Last post
 June 28th, 2016
...See more One of my good friends took his life 3 days ago. He had come to my husband and I about a month ago for help. He had always struggled with depression, and he had been there for me when I had my bouts of serious depression. I recently had begun to recover, so he turned to me for help. This past month I talked to him for hours, got him professional help with one of my therapists, hung out at the river, had a bbq at our house (we made terrible burgers that fell apart, but tasted good), watched shows and movies together, and had long talks into the night all to help him through this difficult time. When all of us (my husband, I, and his close friends) heard about his death on sunday we all fell apart. He was one of my husband's best friends, and it hurts to see my husband struggle with such a loss. His death has been devestating for all of us, especially for his wife, which we are all surrounding her with support right now. I am so sad, and I miss him so much. I felt myself slipping back into my depressive thoughts and feelings, but today I feel stronger. I also have a lot of support from my husband, family, friends and I am continuing in my therapy which will help tremendously. I will always miss my friend. <3
Social Anxiety
Anxiety Support / by nania7707nx
Last post
 March 16th, 2017
...See more I have had social anxiety for as long as I can remember. I have coped by avoiding situations, making excuses to myself and others, and substance abuse. I have always had trouble maintianing multiple relationships, so I have always clung to a few relationships very tightly. I rarely go to a social event with out one of my 'safe' people (right now that's my husband). I enjoy my alone time, but I also love to socialize, tell stories, and laugh with people. I am usually outgoing at a party becuase I want to be, but I have to drink or use drugs to be able to open up. I am finally confronting my anxiety, and trying to recognize harmful thoughts and reducing their effect on me. However, I am in the beginning of this process and my anxiety is still VERY VERY high. I have been invited to a babyshower this saturday by someone I don't know well, but I like, and I really want to go. The harmful thoughts are getting more and more intense as the day approaches. Some of my thoughts are: what if I do/say something embarrassing? What if I get ill? What if I offend someone? What if I get nervous (or 'twitchy' as I call it), what if no one likes me? Am I going for the right reasons? And, if something 'bad' happens how will that effect me in the future? I always have an encouraging thought after these worries, but honestly, they don't really help. It feels like running in a very old, very deep rut in my mind. Practicing mindfullness helps, becuause it helps me to focus on the present, but I am still looking for more relief with out having to drink. It helps me to hear other people's thoughts and experiences on this subject. So I would appreciate any shares!
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