I feel so stupid for holding out hope
My husband and I are separated and I held out hope for our reconciliation. I thought if we take this time apart to connect with ourselves, we will come back stronger and better than ever. I took this time to work on my self love and becoming more independent and making more friends. Turns out, all the separation did was make it clear that he did not want this relationship anymore. Now I feel like I’ve hurt myself more by holding on to hope.
Update: I told him I wanted a divorce. He said some very hurtful and low things to me. I’m not sure why I’m crying over someone so awful. I’m not sure why I tried so hard over someone like this.
Don't beat yourself up or feel bad for holding onto hope. Everyone does it in some way or another, no one wants to willingly give up someone they love. You had good intentions/reasons for separating, and from the sounds of it you needed it to be able to work on yourself. If anything look at all the work you did on yourself, the growth you accomplished that you might not have been able to together as a positive from all of it.
Thank you. I’m trying to not let this hinder my growth, but I’m a mess. Tomorrow would have made six years together.
It's okay to be a mess though and it's okay to grieve, just don't let it consume you. It's not a good place to keep yourself in (living proof of that here). 6 years is a long time with lots of memories good and bad and those won't disappear overnight. Neither will the feelings you still have for him. Don't beat yourself up over it.
@raisin12 So sorry to hear what you're going through. But someone once told me, "Hope is just a made up word and it's not real" but we all have a bit of hope inside of us for the relationship. Hopefully you have learned something from it all like I did.