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vash151
608 M Embraced 5
PathStep 42 Compassion hearts30 Forum posts22 Forum upvotes24 Current upvotes24 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2021 Member sinceFebruary 8, 2021
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Moving forward one day at a time.
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How do you deal with the silence?
Relationship Stress / by vash151
Last post
 February 22nd, 2021
...See more It's been about a week and a half now since things blew up for the second time. I can get through the days for the most part, the kids, work, exercise, and doing general stuff around the house keeps my mind busy and not thinking about everything that has happened. Right around now though, kids are in bed and I'm settling down and it's quiet. Silence makes my head wander, makes me think about things that I have no control over, and just plays reruns of everything leading up to where I am now sitting quietly alone. Even end up playing out situations or arguments that I haven't had in what I can only describe as daydreams that don't allow me to wind down or sleep. How do you get past this part or get through this stage? I've tried reading, tried listening to an audio book, journaling, have even taken some sleep helping things like melatonin and still can't really relax and sleep. This is the hardest thing for me right now and I'm struggling to find something to take up that silence, fill that emptiness and let me put down my guard and relax. Any tips? Advice? Anything?
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5yrs, left without a word
Relationship Stress / by vash151
Last post
 February 11th, 2021
...See more Where to begin... Girlfriend and I had been together for about 5yrs. Due to living situations and covid messing everything up, we hadn't been spending a lot of time together, but would every moment we could and spoke every night about everything. December came around and some thing seemed off, but it's normal as her and Christmas isn't a good thing after her dad passed a couple years back right after new years. We still spoke, messaged, and things felt right. We were talking about the future, about where we wanted to be. I had gone through the process from about mid November and finally was able to buy a new house after trying all year, had it all setup to give her the key on a necklace for Christmas or new years depending on when I saw her (she had family and I had family and couldn't be together Christmas eve/day). We talked on the 26th of December and things seemed fine. I didn't hear from her again after that. She would read messages sent, but wouldn't reply, she wouldn't answer phone calls, could never finder her at her place and didn't want to bother her at work. After about 3 weeks of this I came to terms that I wasn't going to see her again. About 2 weeks later I saw she changed her profile photo and saw someone I didn't recognize liking it, made the mistake of clicking on their profile and there the two of them were, all in love and doing tiktok videos together. I can't begin to describe how much it took out of me seeing that. I wish it ended there, but it actually gets a lot worse. I was packing up with the kids as we are moving at the end of the week, and came across something of hers that I didn't want and thought she wanted back so I sent a text, and she replied. After a few back and forths, I couldn't hold back asking why she didn't just say something. I got a reply back saying she did send me a message, a message that never went through as she was having issues with her phone which I still can't believe. After thinking about it for moment though, her phone was having those issues a week or so before she stopped talking to me, when we were still talking about everything, where she was still saying she loved me. I made a stupid mistake of looking up this other person's account again. There were videos of the two of them weeks before she had ended it with me. And to make matters worse, her account was showing them flirting for months before that. I was being strung along like everything was fine while she was actively looking for someone else. I'm so lost, so confused, so broken down. Haven't been able to sleep for days now even after taking sleep meds. Haven't been able to eat and when I do it's very little. And now I'm moving into a new home, I should be thrilled and excited as it's a home we've been dreaming about all year, a home that was meant to have her with me and I don't want to even look at it. My kids are so excited and overflowing with joy, and I can't do anything to get myself to move my body let alone continue to pack and actually move out and on. How do you move forward when you were so worthless that someone you were deeply in love, who you thought for certain was the one, couldn't even even tell you it was over until after they had moved on and were happy with someone else? And even then had to be asked why in order to tell you.... I'm incredibly lost right now
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Trying to let go and move on & Failing miserably
35 & Over Community / by vash151
Last post
 March 26th, 2021
...See more Hey everyone, 35 out of Arizona. Been having an amazing start to 2021. Long story short, Girlfriend of about 5 years decided after Christmas to stop any and all contact with me, thought I had moved past it but found more things out this past weekend and everything hit me again all at once 10x as hard as it did when I gave up after after weeks of trying to get some response from her. So here I am. Trying to find some new ways to let go of everything, move forward, move on and not give her the control over my happiness in life. May have made a gigantic mistake today by letting emotions get the best of me and sending a text that I probably shouldn't have sent. I'm a mess right now and don't know why this is so much worse than other times.
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