Hurt
Sorry, need to vent. A guy just broke up with me today after 2 dates and I’m honestly hurt.
so just a little background, I had never dated before until this guy and had zero experience. He approached me while at work and asked for my number. I gave it to him but flaked out at first because I was worried about how it would affect me, him, and our work so literally called HR to make sure we were okay and not breaking any policy. After getting the okay from HR, I agreed to dating.
At first he was pursing me hard and after the first date wanting to hold hands and kiss which was very overwhelming for me considering I have never dated before and physical touch is something I don’t really do. Didn’t kiss him but agreed to hold his hand. To be fair, he had told me physical touch was his love language before our first date but I had also told him that I don’t really do physical touch well and was up front with him that I had zero dating experience.
After the 1st date he seemed totally in love. He was super sweet. But after the 2nd date he stopped texting me as much.
And then today he kissed me which was my first kiss. I initially didn’t want to kiss but he talked me into it. I thought to myself oh what the heck you’re thinking too much just kiss, so I did. A few minutes later after that he calls me while I’m driving home and says he doesn’t think we should do this anymore, that he felt no spark nor chemistry between us. He said it in a nice and respectful way and I kinda felt that this was coming but I feel like absolute trash. I mean I know I could’ve done a lot of things better. Our second date was honestly kind of a disaster for me because I was still very anxious and struggling to open up, which he was nice about.
However, to be fair, he knew I had never been kissed before and he was my first kiss. On the 1st date, I let him know I was kind of afraid of and new to dating and that it can take me a while to open up to people. It took all the strength I had to date him and put myself out there, and this whole ordeal has taken such a toll on my mental health. I just feel like it wasn’t very fair because how do you really get to know someone after 2 dates? I feel like he didn’t give me much of a chance and didn’t love me for who I am. I mean I know I made mistakes but all this was very new to me and pushing me out of my comfort zone. Dodged a bullet I guess but it still sucks.
One part of me is relieved, another part of me is really sad. I keep thinking of all the things I may have done wrong to cause this, like did I eat my spaghetti wrong, did I not hold his hand enough, did I not take a selfie with him when I should have, did my driving bother him, did I say the wrong thing, did I not say enough?…I know it’s silly to think all these things and I know I can’t make anyone like me or control what people think of me. Even after all this, I really liked this guy and wish it would’ve worked out. But I feel like if he truly loved me he would’ve taken the time to get to know me better and let me open up?? I don’t know….
I took a risk, did something I’ve never done before, put myself out there which took a ton of courage and then got rejected. Feeling pretty crushed right now. Don’t know if I’ll date again, at least for the next few years or if I’ll ever really be capable of love and opening up to someone. Don’t think my anxiety can handle going through this again. Any tips for healing from this?
@MarP
Hello my name is Josh, I am very sorry to hear about your breakup. First of all this was a big step for you dating, opening up & being affectionate. You should not be guessing yourself I know it is hard but sounds like you did a lot of things right! I wish you nothing but the best, you can always message me or click on my profile if you need a chat.
@MarP I don't think you need to be frustrated for him, because you don't understand it, it is meaningless to make any physical contact, so it is the right choice to find the relationship early when you find that it is not appropriate. I believe you will meet you in the future.
@MarP I'm sorry you had this experience. It sounds like it has been, weird, confusing, and upsetting for you. Also tbh, it sounds like he didn't really respect your boundaries around being physical, so as you said, he probably wasn't the best match. But, can I be honest... it was two dates...I've done online dating and been on probably 50 first and second dates that didn't work out. It's frankly kind of the nature of those early couple dates where you are both just meeting a new person and seeing if you are interested in each other. I mean your feelings are valid and definitely go at your own pace, but also...sometimes somebody just isn't interested and it's not anything personal. You have to kiss a few frogs to find your prince as the saying goes lol.
@ Daydreamer47 thank you so much for sharing your words and experience. I am gratefully overwhelmed by the outpouring of support from this community. Yeah, you’re right it was just two dates and thankfully not more. I guess I just am taking it pretty hard because this was my first dating experience ever and I had no idea what to expect (which is also something I think he took advantage of). I think I shrugged a lot of things off/dismissed a lot of things that overstepped my boundaries because of inexperience. I was getting a lot of mixed signals from him because after the first date he was already planning the next one and inviting me to future events like family holiday get togethers and even a wedding. And then after the second date, radio silence. So yeah just really confusing. But you’re right, now I know for the future and to stand my ground for my boundaries/feelings. And sucks he was my first kiss but there always has to be a first before there is a second and so on, so yeah may have to encounter a few frogs before a prince :). Thanks so much
@MarP Keep trying your person is out there I've had to kiss frogs too it's just a long process it's good you found out now that years later I wish you nothing but the best I always look at articles on dating so I understand could help you.
@MarP
First of all you are very brave putting yourself out there. Be proud of yourself for taking that chance and love yourself for it. You indeed dodged a bullet but it doesn’t make the hurt any less real. This person did not respect your boundaries that you so clearly and bravely stated to them and this is not your fault in any way. You gave them the opportunity to be with you and respect you and they blew it. It is their loss. No one should force you into a kiss that you aren’t ready for, that is so unfair and selfish of that person. Im so so sorry and I hope you feel better soon💕 if you need to talk I’m here for you💕
@reservedMango5210
Thank you so much. I can’t tell you know how much it helps to hear your words. Many times I second guess and fight my own feelings, often dismissing them and thinking they aren’t valid. Your words bring me comfort and some closure, and are helping me accept, sit with, and acknowledge these difficult feelings rather than trying to fight them away. I feel embraced and heard. Feeling much better than before. Thank you for listening and being here :)