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How I Am Dealing With a Boyfriend Who Cheated
lovelyEagle51 November 23rd, 2017
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My (ex)boyfriend and I have been dating for 9-10 months. He was off to college a few months ago so we did long distance for a while. I am a very trusting girlfriend so I tried not to let it bother me when he would post other girls or talk about them. The other day I found out he betryed this trust.

Flashback to last week.. I was starting to realize that our relationship was not going to work out: we were just so different and the distance was not helping. He wasn't making me a priority at all and I felt like I didn't even mean anything to him. He recently posted a photo of him drunk with some other girl in her dorm room. So, I called him with the intention of breaking up with him but I was still open-minded to staying with him if he really wanted to. "I love you" "You're so special to me" "I would never even consider dating anyone else here" ...

I was so close to telling him "Okay, we can just try this again one more time.." but something in the back of my mind was forcing me to mention how his picture with the girl made me feel. So I told him how upset it made me. Stupidly, I also said "I know you would never do anything with her but if you're that drunk you never know what could happen.." I was waiting for a "You know I would never do that to you" but instead, he says.. "I kissed her."

Embarassment. Humiliation. Heartbreak.

It took all of me to not cry on the phone. Instead, I asked calmly if he was going to tell me. He responds "later.." So I say "Okay. We're done." and I hang up and blocked him on everything he could contact me by.

Don't get me wrong I cried hard, for a good 20 minutes (which is not a lot for me). The next day I was as happy as I have ever been.. I have just been focusing on the fact that I finally got rid of a big source of negativity in my life. In some twisted way, I am almost glad he cheated because if he didn't, chances are I wouldn't have dumped him. What is keeping me going is that while I got out of a bad relationship, he is dealing with the guilt and suffering through what he did to himself. For the next few weeks, whenever someone asks him how I am, he gets to tell them that he is an unloyal liar and stand in front of them in shame.

The only thing that scares me out of this is being able to trust anyone ever again... Every cheater has at some point said they would not cheat.. Has anyone ever dealt with something like this and was able to overcome it?

Also, he is coming back in December for his winter break and I am terrified of seeing him in person, because I do not want to risk giving in to whatever lie he can feed me next.. Advice?

9
intellectualTree468 November 23rd, 2017
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@lovelyEagle51 takes a lot of courage to share an experience like this, you

lovelyEagle51 OP November 23rd, 2017
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@intellectualTree468 Thank you, it means a lot :)

considerateCity5066 November 24th, 2017
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@lovelyEagle51 I would try to avoid him during his break. Old feelings always arise, especially around the Holidays. people look for that Holifay connection, and as soon as the Holiday is over, you don't hear from them. College is a huge time when someone is trying to learn more about themselves. There is a sense of freedom as while and people get into enjoying different relationships. College boys now have a lot more options available and they experiment not having a single emotional connection at all. Especially the first two years. Only after some years do they come to realize who was actually very important and the best person for them. Then there are second chances or not. And if no second chance, they simply are filled with regret and try to find that connection again with someone else. A hard lesson to learn.

So while he's gone exploring... it's time for you to learn about yourself as well And you May learn that he was just a learning experience to love someone more who loves you in return. It gives you more reason to enjoy your next relationship and not take it for granted.

Take each person as an individual the same way you would like to be treated. You wouldn't want someone always suspicious of your faithfulness Just because their last girlfriend cheated on them. Every person should be given a clean slate unless they prove otherwise.

lovelyEagle51 OP November 24th, 2017
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@considerateCity5066 wow, i never thought about it like this.. youre absolutely right thank you so much ill try my best to follow through!

November 23rd, 2017
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@lovelyEagle51

You are right in how you feel about releasing him. I know that when your heart is already emotionally tied If to someone it is even harder to let go.If he can not be trusted long distance it will be worse if he were close. It's going to be hard but you deserve better. You need to be able to trust him no matter what. know you will

Trust is the foundation of any relationship, and without that, you are basically spinning your wheels and going nowhere. I feel like you should listen to what your mind is saying and not so much the heart. I know you are a wise Young lady and I know you will do what is right for yourselfheart

lovelyEagle51 OP November 23rd, 2017
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@scarletPear1945 Thank you, i did actually break up with him. But i will use your advice for future relationships if this situation causes any trust issues for me!

Mywonderfulworld December 30th, 2017
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@lovelyEagle51

ahhhhh poor youbroken heart

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