Getting Out of an Abusive Marriage

I have been in an abusive marriage for almost 2 years ( 4 years total). He controls everything I do and I have to ask permission to do little thinks like watch tv and listen to music if he is home. I am not allowed to move things on the shelf and he only lets me do laundry one day a week. He says really hurtful and cruel things to me and makes me feel worthless and stupid and unlovable. He got worse because we found out my health problems are more serious and I had to be put in the hospital. He yells at me for being sick and ruining things all the time. He also blames me for getting him sick. He tells me no one wants to spend time with me or talk to me. Sometimes I feel like he orders me around like a dog. I feel stupid for staying so long but I kept hoping that with our talks he would get better he promised of course but then it was always all my fault.

One of the worst things was I lost my grandma whom I was extremely close to last year due to Covid and he yelled at me and went off on me in the car after her funeral. He also scared me so bad that I hid in the bathroom with my dog. I am scared of him because he is bigger than me and has come at me twice. He blames all our problems on my health issues and tried to convince me that this was all in my head and I was just messed up and I believed it. I am only allowed out of the house for work and doctor appointments so my home has become a prison. I also think the whole Covid thing scared me and made me stay because at the time things were the worst I also lost my job. It was rough and he was mean then but I kept telling myself its my fault and things would get better once I was working again. Although it was not the case and things just kept getting worse to the point I started having panic attacks at work and my depression became so severe. Then I ended up in the hospital last week for serious health issues that could kill me and he just dumped me at the ER. While I was away from him I really let everything sink in and realized I can't keep going like this being scared all the time and walking on egg shells just to keep him happy/not yell.

So today is my birthday and even though I am sick and in horrible pain (recovering from my hospital stay) I got up the courage to tell him I am leaving and its because of his abuse. So for the first time in four years I am no longer afraid and no longer pretending everything is fine! I am looking forward to actually have freedom and a life.