First Breakup
S and I were best friends for the past five years. We told each other everything and we were each other's go to person to talk to when we needed advice or just any kind of help. Three years ago, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and S was the only person who I told and he has really helped me through it. I'm only 14 so this is your classic boy and girl are best friends, then realize that they like each other. I used to self harm on a daily basis and he got me to stop and onNovember7th, I'll be a month clean. Early this year, we went on the band trip together and he started being romantic towards me which I wasn't used to. We sat next to each other on the bus and I fell asleep on his shoulder with his arm around me. We went to an amusement park and we were holding hands and he kept hugging me. We had a pool party at our hotel and I was/am ridiculously insecure, but I never spoke to him about that because I knew I would get awkward compliments that would mess with our friendship. When I went to the pool, I was super scared being in a bikini and he walked up to me, told me I looked beautiful and jokingly grabbed my hand and pushed us into the pool together. We had a mutual friend who told me that he liked me and I had liked him for a while so this person obviously tried to set us up. So one day at school, he came up to me which wasn't surprising but then asked if I wanted to go out to dinner that Saturday and I said sure because we would do that in a totally friendly way. Then, he asked if I knew what he was asking and I was confused, it was just us hanging out and he said I'm asking you if you want to be my girlfriend. I hugged him and said of course. Over spring and summer, we hung out on a multi weekly basis, as much as possible. He never kissed me or did more than lay on me while watching the stars. Beginning in around June, I was diagnosed with anorexia and he really helped me with that. Since school started, we didn't see each other as much which upset me, but we were able to hang out as much as possible. Last night, he sent me this "So from like 7th to mid 8th grade I really liked you. And after a while I just sorta guessed you weren't into me and I just didn't like you a whole lot (not as a person just in that way) but when Cole said that you liked me I figured that I couldn't say "oh yeah I don't like her" after the year or so that I had. So I said yeah and then after we went out a few times I started to really like you again but slowly the feeling sorta started to fade and at art on the avenue I realized that were really different, not like taste in movies, and music and all that but more in like our personalities. And ever since I've been thinking about it and realized how were just different and I don't know if we should really continue with it" so that was my first break up, ever, with my best and only friend and I don't know what to do. I have been hospitalized for anorexia, anxiety and depression for the past four weeks and I was supposed to be discharged today, but they thought I was too emotionally unstable to be discharged because I was crying out of control. So tomorrow, if my safety is low in terms of suicidal thoughts, anxiety or restricting, I will be residentially hospitalized for 30 days. If my safety is high, I will be discharged. I don't know what to do with the relationship and if we are still friends, so this is where I came. I am open to any advice, feedback, or anything that anyone has to say about my situation with S.
Kelsey