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sadkelsey
1,925 M Hopeful Heart 1
PathStep 29 Compassion hearts75 Forum posts38 Forum upvotes22 Current upvotes22 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 1970 Member sinceSeptember 9, 2014
Recent forum posts
An Anorexic on Thanksgiving
Eating Disorder Support / by sadkelsey
Last post
 April 10th, 2015
...See more I can easily say that today is my least favorite day of the year. I have attempted suicide a few times and my uncle was killed in Afghanistan, but none of those days are the worst for me. It is the one day where "I already ate", "I'm not hungry", "I'm not in the mood for this" or "I'm not feeling well" doesn't work. Everyone eats and they all eat a lot. I sit, slide food around my plate, drop as much into my napkin as possible without any notice, and eventually end up eating a little after a few lectures [edited by a forum moderator for potentially triggering content]. Of course, it doesn't last. Dishes are washed and whatever was eaten is thrown up. I have already had three nightmares about how the day may go I have only been sleep
a year
Self-Harm Recovery / by sadkelsey
Last post
 October 26th, 2014
...See more I used to self harm very severely for about three years straight, but as of October 26th, I will be a year clean. I was also just discharged from the hospital so I feel like I deserve some sort of reward, but I don't know what. While in the hospital, my mantra was this too shall pass so I was thinking of maybe getting a ring saying that? but I feel like people may see it and ask me about it and it's not a comfortable topic for me. Does anyone have any suggestions for what I should do to celebrate? It's similar to a sobriety anniversary to me, but I have serious social anxiety so I wouldn't want to have a party or do anything social. Only one person outside my family and doctors knew and he is no longer in my life, so it would have to be discreet. I'm open to any ideas, anything you've done to celebrate something similar, or even just a congratulations.
First Breakup
Relationship Stress / by sadkelsey
Last post
 October 24th, 2014
...See more S and I were best friends for the past five years. We told each other everything and we were each other's go to person to talk to when we needed advice or just any kind of help. Three years ago, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and S was the only person who I told and he has really helped me through it. I'm only 14 so this is your classic boy and girl are best friends, then realize that they like each other. I used to self harm on a daily basis and he got me to stop and on November 7th, I'll be a month clean. Early this year, we went on the band trip together and he started being romantic towards me which I wasn't used to. We sat next to each other on the bus and I fell asleep on his shoulder with his arm around me. We went to an amusement park and we were holding hands and he kept hugging me. We had a pool party at our hotel and I was/am ridiculously insecure, but I never spoke to him about that because I knew I would get awkward compliments that would mess with our friendship. When I went to the pool, I was super scared being in a bikini and he walked up to me, told me I looked beautiful and jokingly grabbed my hand and pushed us into the pool together. We had a mutual friend who told me that he liked me and I had liked him for a while so this person obviously tried to set us up. So one day at school, he came up to me which wasn't surprising but then asked if I wanted to go out to dinner that Saturday and I said sure because we would do that in a totally friendly way. Then, he asked if I knew what he was asking and I was confused, it was just us hanging out and he said I'm asking you if you want to be my girlfriend. I hugged him and said of course. Over spring and summer, we hung out on a multi weekly basis, as much as possible. He never kissed me or did more than lay on me while watching the stars. Beginning in around June, I was diagnosed with anorexia and he really helped me with that. Since school started, we didn't see each other as much which upset me, but we were able to hang out as much as possible. Last night, he sent me this "So from like 7th to mid 8th grade I really liked you. And after a while I just sorta guessed you weren't into me and I just didn't like you a whole lot (not as a person just in that way) but when Cole said that you liked me I figured that I couldn't say "oh yeah I don't like her" after the year or so that I had. So I said yeah and then after we went out a few times I started to really like you again but slowly the feeling sorta started to fade and at art on the avenue I realized that were really different, not like taste in movies, and music and all that but more in like our personalities. And ever since I've been thinking about it and realized how were just different and I don't know if we should really continue with it" so that was my first break up, ever, with my best and only friend and I don't know what to do. I have been hospitalized for anorexia, anxiety and depression for the past four weeks and I was supposed to be discharged today, but they thought I was too emotionally unstable to be discharged because I was crying out of control. So tomorrow, if my safety is low in terms of suicidal thoughts, anxiety or restricting, I will be residentially hospitalized for 30 days. If my safety is high, I will be discharged. I don't know what to do with the relationship and if we are still friends, so this is where I came. I am open to any advice, feedback, or anything that anyone has to say about my situation with S. Kelsey  
In Need Of Help
Eating Disorder Support / by sadkelsey
Last post
 September 20th, 2014
...See more � � �I was diagnosed with anorexia exactly right days ago, but I have been struggling with my eating habits and insecurities about my weight since I can remember. I am 5'9 so naturally being taller than average, I would weigh more than average. At my highest I was probably around [number edited by 24Help1. In June, I decided I was done with exercising a ridiculous amount and eating extremely healthy without losing weight so when school ended, my eating ended. I don't have a scale in my house so I rely completely on doctor visits, measurements and how my clothes fit to tell me if I've gained or lost weight. On the third day of school we were weighed for gym and I was [number edited by 24Help1]. Now, two weeks later, I am [number edited by 24Help1]. I've seen a therapist off and on for five years now and last week was when she actually diagnosed me as anorexic. My body fat is [number edited by 24Help1] when for women, they say you need 14% in order to survive. I have seriously been trying to eat more and change my habits but it isn't working and I don't know what to do about it. I have already looked at the self help guides on here, but honestly I am just scared. My therapist said that she wants me hospitalised�as soon as possible, but just the thought of missing so much school scares me. �I know that once you're diagnosed there is a less than thirty percent chance of lifetime recovery but I really want to get better. Has anyone been in a similar situation and is willing to help me? Even if you're currently struggling i ned all the help I can get. Please respond I'll chat with anyone whenever
feeling worse by the day
General Support / by sadkelsey
Last post
 September 13th, 2014
...See more so here it goes this is my mental health back story. i was a pretty happy kid until I was 9 and my parents told me and my two younger brothers that they were getting a divorce and I was really upset and started crying a lot and taking all my stress and anger out on my family and eventually I realized I can't do that so I started taking it out on myself self harming before I even knew that existed so I would twist my thumbs backwards and I ended up actually breaking one once and then my parents made me start seeing a therapist so then my parents realized that their arguments made me upset and decided against their divorce so now they are together and basically miserable. ok so that's when it all kind of began. but three years ago I started seeing myself as a lot larger than other girls my age when I wasn't and I knew about binging and purging so I tried it and sort of mastered it but I only did that maybe once a week for the last three years. but I started really self harming and cutting a little over two years ago and it wasn't a minor thing I would do it in the shower until I passed out from blood loss then often times keep going. I also always did it on my upper thighs so until I was in a bikini no one ever saw it. I am 306 days clean right now though. but one day I was wearing pajama shorts and my mom did and sent me back to the same therapist who is now probably my best friend. I was diagnosed with depression and severe anxiety in almost all fields but worst in social situations and in the past two years I've been on 17 different medicines and I am currently on 4.  starting maybe last Friday my suicidal thoughts became a lot more prominent they never really left but I was able to go to school and do normal things without the contemplation of suicide constantly but right now that's all that's on my mind. I've had a boyfriend since March so about 6 months now and we are really close and for years before we were dating he was my best friend but then I started liking him and he admitted he'd liked me for three years as of march and here we are he is definitely not in the relationship for the physical things but we have gone fairly far in those ways (ive given him a blow job) he's the only one outside of my family and drs that knows I have depression and anxiety we were almost going to have sex once but I realized he doesn't know that I ever self harmed and obviously if he saw my upper thigh area he could tell in an instant so I said I wasn't ready and he was ok with it.. so back to eating disorder stuff. this summer it got really bad I'm 5'9 and I was 140 a perfectly healthy weight but I starved with a little bulimia and ended up losing 35 lbs so now I am 105. and my boyfriend asked me why I've gotten so bony and said that he misses my thighs and when I was more than just skin and bones and so I'm really scared to tell him about how i actually lost the weight but I hate lying to him and telling him it's a medicine that I'm on that's making me so skinny so I don't know if I should tell him or not and I am scared he will be dissapointed in me. I also have a concussion right now so my brain is really messed up and I don't know what to do because homework just make it worse but homework is a priority and my teachers don't care about my mental health. so I'm stuck and super stressed. any advice?
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