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Feel numb how rise above this?

1Lotusflower July 7th, 2018

Thanks for the positive energy here today. This is the first time posting on 7cups. I had to be proud of myself today for showing up for life because I feel like a shattered mess on the floor. I am meeting my responsibilities today but I am totally not there if you know what I mean? The guy I was seeing- which we practically lived together- emotionally flipped on me this past Sunday when out I asked him about his mood-it was weird mood. Since he was showing such crazy behavior I went to my car to leave and give him space -no angry words at my end. Yet before I leave, he comes out with the few things I had at the house, took my garage remote and asked me to leave. I had never seen this fire in his eyes before-it looked like pain and anger. Anyway, he went radio silent since then. I have no clue what brought this on. Weird. We were very close by the way.

i dont know why I feel as I do -like a mess and my heart hurts so bad I can even describe it. Feels like I got run over by a train. I feel Betrayed, disregarded and pretty must lost. I live in a new city so my support system stinks.

How does one get on with their life when something like this happens?

Thank you you for letting me share -I really dont share much about my life generally -so thanks for creating a safe place I feel I can.

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ReadBooksDrinkTea July 7th, 2018

@1Lotusflower Welcome. I am sorry that happened.

You have every right to feel the way you do: asking someone for their mood is not an extreme question to ask and his reaction is a bit over the top, to put it mildly. However, it seems like he must have something else going to make him feel/react that way.

Honestly, I think it seems like he may have doen you a favor. Someone who is so unpredicable and who will cut you off in that way does not seem to have healthy coping mechanisms. I knew someone like this (roommate was in a relationship with him) but she kept going back, told the rest of us she didn't want to abandon him even though he could never seem to decide that he wanted to be with her or not.

Ultimately, you'll need time to move on. If you were practically living together then there's obviously a lot investment: emotions, time, maybe money, etc. You'll get through it.

Good luck. I hope this was helpful in some way.

2 replies
1Lotusflower OP July 7th, 2018

@ReadBooksDrinkTea thank you for your kind words. He was becoming so moody the past few weeks -it felt like I had to walk on eggshells as -no fun at all. It is clear to me there must be something going on in the background -I keep reminding myself its not me but you know ....our mind doesnt always take directions well : )

Relationships come hard for me as I am single parent and I work for myself and no support system really in the be state I live in. People dont seem to want to have new friends anymore but seems like there is so much loneliness out there. Then things like this happen and so tuff to feel better.

It is better he is gone -I really cant be with someone like that -i did not know there was this part of him. Surprise right ?!

thankyou again soooooooooooo much for your thoughts -it really helped: )

1 reply
ReadBooksDrinkTea July 7th, 2018

@1Lotusflower You're welcome. I'm glad this was helpful. smiley

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freshLight64 July 7th, 2018

@1Lotusflower

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

Thanks for the positive energy here today. This is the first time posting on 7cups. I had to be proud of myself today for showing up for life because I feel like a shattered mess on the floor. I am meeting my responsibilities today but I am totally not there if you know what I mean? The guy I was seeing- which we practically lived together- emotionally flipped on me this past Sunday when out I asked him about his mood-it was weird mood. (This is a red flag, it tells me he tends to keep things bottle up and then would lash out at someone. I believe this was his way to sabotage what you two have and he must had felt smothered when you asked about his mood(not your fault, he has certain issues) Since he was showing such crazy behavior I went to my car to leave and give him space -no angry words at my end. (You did the right thing by walking away, you didn't deserve to put up with his behavior)Yet before I leave, he comes out with the few things I had at the house, took my garage remote and asked me to leave. (This tells me he had certain unreasonable expectation of you such as staying to handle his behavior and his abandonment issues were triggered here after you left. I believe he gave you those things to punish you because he felt hurt, and made you responsible for it. I don't see anything wrong you did here, this is mostly his fault for not being able to handle his internal state)I had never seen this fire in his eyes before-it looked like pain and anger. (It must had been uncomfortable going through this, but he pretty much took his anger on you. Let's say you end up having long term relationship with him, he would have often keep things bottle up and then blow up at you.) Anyway, he went radio silent since then. (This is another problem people like him have...he went radio silence because he didn't want to feel too close to you, so he blow up at you, and because he wants to punish you as well) I have no clue what brought this on. Weird. We were very close by the way. (That's actually one of the problems...too much closeness will make him do an act out to push you away. It's a closeness issue he has when it comes to people, he doesn't do well in closeness)

i dont know why I feel as I do -like a mess and my heart hurts so bad I can even describe it. (This definetly separation anxiety and hurt from how he behaved with you. I know it's really hurtful what he did, but you didn't deserve to be treated like that) Feels like I got run over by a train. I feel Betrayed, disregarded and pretty must lost. (It's normal to feel this way, things were going well and then boom he behaved so angry and weird, it would cause you to feel so many emotions) I live in a new city so my support system stinks.

How does one get on with their life when something like this happens? (The only answer it's time, but I can what happened triggered your abandonment issues from the past. The guy you were with has certain issues, it's not your fault what happened)

Thank you you for letting me share -I really dont share much about my life generally -so thanks for creating a safe place I feel I can.

5 replies
1Lotusflower OP July 7th, 2018

@freshLight64 thank you for braking each of those parts down for me-you are so insightful. You really opened my eyes to see beyond his behavior I witnessed-it helps so much since I had nothing to go by since he went radio silent. Thinking about his upbringing -big abandonment issues plus a 25?year marriage where he reported so many mean things she said to him and did then bankrupt him when she decided ton divorce him. Not much kindness or love modeled most of his life, funny as he said I have never felt loved in my life until I met you. That is sad for anyone to have to say that and it was true.

Because of your thoughtful insights and those who havr offered me valuable feedback -its the first time I feel I think I am going to make it off the floor here lol. Sending much appreciation for the info which is helping me to find closure-thank you !!!!

4 replies
freshLight64 July 7th, 2018

@1Lotusflower

You are welcome, hopefully you feel better soon. Theres a few things i would like to point out;

I witnessed-it helps so much since I had nothing to go by since he went radio silent. (You didn't do anything wrong, he just decided to back away because of the wrong perception he had and certain triggers came from his past) Thinking about his upbringing -big abandonment issues (This is going to create one of the insecure attachments, and its going to play a major role on how he handles closeness a relationships.) plus a 25?year marriage where he reported so many mean things she said to him (This may have happen, but im starting to doubt it did based on how he treated you. Theres a chance he was the one who said mean things to her, he projected how he felt on her) and did then bankrupt him when she decided ton divorce him. Not much kindness or love modeled most of his life, funny as he said I have never felt loved in my life until I met you. (That statement is a major red flag, Run away fast as you can next time someone tells you that statement, because they will project unmet needs on you, have this unreasonable expectations of you and you will be in a role where you are the parent. He will rely on you to feel loved and happy because he doesn't feel those things inside of him)

3 replies
GuardianAngel77 July 7th, 2018

@freshLight64

Hi

I really like how you broke this down!!!

It's clear and you can understand it!!

And to the point!!

That's a great skill to have!! 😊😊😊😊!!

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GuardianAngel77 July 7th, 2018

@1Lotusflower

I am proud of you!! That you reach out and

share a part of what's going on in your life.

You did the right thing to leave and give him some space. It gives him time to think and you to think about these things that happened. You didn't do anything wrong. You did the right things.

3 replies
1Lotusflower OP July 7th, 2018

@GuardianAngel77 thank you soooo much ❀️

2 replies
GuardianAngel77 July 7th, 2018

@1Lotusflower

You're welcome!! 😊😊😊😊!!

GuardianAngel77 July 8th, 2018

@1Lotusflower

You're welcome!! 😊😊😊😊!!

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LanLaLand July 8th, 2018

@1Lotusflower

I am sorry this happened to you. You will be surprised at the intensity of emotions during times of extreme stress. There is no justification to any reaction towards you that was unprecendented, and you should remember a couple of things when these situations arise: 1) It is not you fault. 2) When people respond to you in this manner, they themselves should take a step back.

Often times people don't understand that there is such a thing as emotional intellect. Not everyone can be as trained in this as some. Taking on your responsibilities one at a time like this, despite feeling helpless and alone, is brave of you.

3 replies
1Lotusflower OP July 8th, 2018

@LanLaLand Thank you -it is so helpful to have your perceptive insights-when in it cant see a darn thing just consumed with pain and confusion. Brave stinks lol but the alternative is no good whatsoever for me. Thank you ❀️

2 replies
LanLaLand July 8th, 2018

@1Lotusflower

You're welcome. I'm glad I could be of some help or insight. And you know, whatever you decide to do with this person, and yourself, remember that communication and conversation is important. Although it is in no way your job whatsoever to try to justify this behavior from their end, it will always make you feel confused if you are left without closure, even if it does amount to nothing, at least you'll know you have tried.

Best of luck to you, have a great one hun. <3

1 reply
1Lotusflower OP July 9th, 2018

@LanLaLand heart

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