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Breaking up but still in love

SheepishMemory November 15th, 2022

When she said she wanted to break up, I got confused. Everything seemed to be fine, there were no significant issues with the relationship. We aren't perfect, yes, but I loved her all the same and I treated her well. I negotiated with her, then begged her, and appealed to everything that was good in our relationship. Result: nope. I was devastated. I fell in love with her and chose to be in love so I didn't want to give up. Here I am, heartbroken because she gave up on me and on us. I can't force her to stay, despite her telling me she still loves me but she needs the space. It's difficult but I'll let her go and wish her luck. If it was meant to be, she will be back. One difference would be that I refuse to be a backup/second choice. I refuse to just be friends. It's either we got something or nothing. She chose to give up on someone who would love her unconditionally. Why should I continue to hurt? Am I wrong for doing this?

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November 15th, 2022

@SheepishMemory Rhetorical question. Do you love her, or do you love the relationship structure?

2 replies
SheepishMemory OP November 15th, 2022

@helpfulAvocado7912 I really do love her. At least I think I do. May I ask what's with the relationship structure?

2 replies
November 15th, 2022

@SheepishMemory You say you love HER but you refuse to be friends. So, I think you love the RELATIONSHIP you had with her, but not HER. If you did love HER, you’d put on your big boy pants and be friends. That’s just my opinion for what it’s worth.

2 replies
SheepishMemory OP November 16th, 2022

@helpfulAvocado7912 I see where you are coming from and that was my initial position. Honestly, I would still be a friend. She tells me she still loves me and wants to be friends with none of the commitment. I got some input from others telling me I should cut her off because they think it's exploitative. I'm not entirely certain if it's the right way but they made a point and so here I am. Do you think I should roll back?

2 replies
November 16th, 2022

@SheepishMemory I see. Well you have to protect yourself. Your friends closest to you might be the best source of advice.


— All the best
1 reply
SheepishMemory OP November 16th, 2022

@helpfulAvocado7912 thank you for your input and well wishes. I wish you well too. I'm just lost and I don't seem to see a clear path or solution. I wish someone could give me an answer.

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scarletCherry3980 November 18th, 2022

@SheepishMemory


Hello. I'm going through the same thing at the moment. I can't give you much advice but if you want to chat we can, I don't mind.

easyWater4109 November 18th, 2022

@SheepishMemory

In my experience, if I’m still in love with someone that has broken up with me it feels excruciating to be just friends for a loooong time until I can say I’m over it and then maybe, just maybe a friendship can grow. I’m sorry about your heartbreak, friend.

reliableWest8997 November 19th, 2022

Hi, sorry to intrude and I do hope this helps you. You cannot control your feelings, you are not wrong, you have feelings and you can't just shut them off all at once, it's completely normal.

Give it some time, give yourself some time, don't be too hard on yourself

it will get better

I hope this helps.


ichabodJules November 20th, 2022

I'm going through a similar process but I'm the one leaving my wife. You definitely need more time to process this new development. Maybe it can help you understand your wife better if I tell you that it is extremely tough on the one leaving, too. For me to tell her what I decided felt like hurting myself very badly.

But what I've come to is, it wouldn't make her ever happy again if I stayed because I wouldn't be happy.

courageousMoon5589 November 21st, 2022

I am in an almost similar situation as you and it is not easy. You hurt my friend because you love unconditionally and deeply.

You are not wrong for feeling this way because you truly love your girlfriend with no strings attached and no matter how much she has hurt you by wanting to distance herself from you you still love her. This shows you are a genuine, caring and passionate person and there is nothing to feel bad about

SheepishMemory OP November 22nd, 2022

Thank you everyone for your input. I’ve been crying all so often this past few weeks. As it turns out, I can’t seem to let her go. I still love her and we still talk but I’m just so wounded. Life doesn’t feel the same. Nothing seems right.

1 reply
blueAngel00 December 21st, 2022

@SheepishMemory I don't envy you in the least. Losing or letting go of someone you care for for is probably one of the toughest challenges a person faces.


And unfortunately, experience does not make it any easier the next times (if there are any next times, that is).

May I please make a suggestion? In your original post you stated you weren't willing to be just friends. Then later, you said you still stay in contact, even though it's extremely painful. Other than the feelings of loss, how's that going for you? Are you happy when you're with her? Do you feel any kind of agenda on her part, which isn't based on your best interests? Do you confide in each other like friends tend to do? If so, what are your reactions when she confides something to you about her love life? Do you feel you need to hide it?

Does this friendship feel like your other friendships?

Tough questions to have to answer honestly. I'm sorry, she I hear to break this to you, but all relationships come with commitment. For her to have said that, it sounds like she's only thinking of herself, and knows you are someone special. Furthermore I believe she wants to keep you around for what you can do for her, not because she cares about you in a platonic way.

Heck, not in any way.

I hope my honesty hasn't insulted or offended you. If so, please know it wasn't intentional, and I profusely apologize.

But I do have an exercise you could try that may help. If you decide to cut her out of your life completely, or even if you keep the rocky one you're enduring now, the following is something I've told many a heartbroken soul which has helped speed up the healing process:

Take an entire day to mourn. No distractions, no entertainment, no cell phone, no internet, no TV or books or people. You'll be with just you, your pain, your thoughts, and your reality.
Think of all the wonderful times, discussions, dates, intimacies, knowing looks, same wavelengths you've been on, etc. Really dwell on them, feel the loss, sob, don't cry, your eyes out, wail at the unfairness of it all. Write down what you're feeling, what it is you miss and why. Try to be as detailed as you possibly can. Wonder if you'll ever have that kind of bond with someone ever again.

Really, and literally, MOURN your loss. Try your best to use the entire day for this event. But be sure to do the writing part and be brutally honest when doing so.

After a few days review what you wrote. Because you'll be seeing everything with fresh eyes, your answers will just likely reveal if you actually love her, or just being in a relationship with someone, or you just love the idea of love and being in love. Whatever the outcome, there's no wrong answer, just as there's no correct answer. It just is what it is, but you'll have more clarity on how, what and why you're having such painful feelings, and what it is you're truly missing. That clarity will not only alleviate the intensity and duration of those feelings, but help guide you in future romantic relationships.

Please let me know what path you decide to take, if you do the exercise I described, and if so, if it helped or not. Because I have a vested interest now. 😉

But no matter what, I wish you well, and please know there are no right or wrong feelings. They just ARE. And you can't control what you feel, you can only control your reactions to your feelings.

Take care 🌹

🐻

PS: Your problem isn't the problem. The problem is your attitude about your problem and your reaction to your problem. - Famous Quote
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Bellybeeee November 23rd, 2022

How are you dealing with the post break up?


1 reply
SheepishMemory OP December 1st, 2022

@Bellybeeee not too great I suppose. Can't focus that well at work. I don't feel very... Normal. Just constantly down, yearning, and drained. I'm getting tired trying to be happy/normal.

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scarletCherry3980 December 4th, 2022

@SheepishMemory

How are you doing?

2 replies
SheepishMemory OP December 12th, 2022

@scarletCherry3980

Thank you for asking. I'm... Not great. I thought I was moving along a bit. I broke down last night. Cried from time to time for almost 4 hours. Cried several times today now. I don't think I'm getting better. Doesn't feel like it. Therapy is going. It's helping. Just not quite as fast as I would like. I need this to improve.

1 reply
scarletCherry3980 December 21st, 2022

@SheepishMemory


Stay strong. I literally cried today and I'm struggling as well. I am also going to therapy and I understand how it feels about wanting to improve and it just feels like it's never going to end but I know something good has to come out of this.

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selfconfidentSailboat7769 December 12th, 2022

I'm in the same boat


1 reply
SheepishMemory OP December 13th, 2022

@selfconfidentSailboat7769

It's rough. Really rough.

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