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this is a ROUGH DRAFT of my book (it's the Frist chapter) please give me tips on how to improve
It was an evening like any other, around 9:30ย p.m [http://p.m/]., when a woman, no older than 25, began crying hysterically, claiming that her husband of five years had been killed in their own home.
For a moment, I stood in shock, my face betraying nothing, but my assistant, James Brown, gaspedโhis first week on the job had already led him into a horrifying scene.
โMam, we need to know everything that happened. Donโt leave out any details,โ Mr. Brown said, trying to maintain composure.
โWell, yesterday evening, around 7:15ย p.m [http://p.m/]., Jackson and I were debating where to spend Christmas. I told him we had already visited his parents for Thanksgiving, so could we please go to mine this year? Jack replied, โHoney, my parents are 95 and 96. This might be the last time I see them.โ I compromised, suggesting we spend Christmas Eve with his family and Christmas Day with mine. Jack said that sounded just fine. Afterward, we went to bed around 10:30ย p.m [http://p.m/]., as Jack had work in the morning. At 7:00ย a.m [http://a.m/]., I woke up and made breakfast for both of us. Jack came down to the smell of bacon and eggs at 7:15ย a.m [http://a.m/].โ She smiled briefly, her eyes glossing over with the memory of happier times. โAt 8:30ย a.m [http://a.m/]., Jack left for work, and I started cleaning the house. By 10:00ย a.m [http://a.m/]., I had finished and decided to read The Catcher in the Rye byย J.D [http://j.d/]. Salinger for about three hours. At 1:10ย p.m [http://p.m/]., I began preparing lunch.โ
โDid anything seem out of the ordinary with your husband?โ Mr. Brown asked, his voice steady but soft.
โNo. Nothing seemed unusual,โ she replied, her voice breaking with the weight of the words.
โMake sure to tell us if you remember anything else,โ Brown insisted.
โAnyway,โ she continued, her gaze distant. โAt 2:30ย p.m [http://p.m/]., Jack came home from work, and we ate lunch together. At 3:00ย p.m [http://p.m/]., he took a nap while I went grocery shopping. At 3:45ย p.m [http://p.m/]., I came back homeโฆ and found him on the doorstep. One arm stretched toward the road, the other clutching his stomach where a knife was lodged.โ
Her sobs were uncontrollable now, but I had to keep focused. โIโm so sorry for your loss,โ I said, my voice calm in contrast to the chaos around us. โWhatโs your address, maโam?โ
โ214 Avenue,โ she whispered through her tears.
โThank you. Iโll have my assistant book you a motel for the time being,โ I told her. After she left with Brown, I remained behind, my mind whirling with the details of her story.
By 10:00ย p.m [http://p.m/]., I left the office with James. He seemed anxious, his hands trembling slightly.
โJames, are you alright?โ I asked, noticing his discomfort.
โThe womanโs criesโฆ they were blood-curdling,โ he replied, his voice shaky.
We arrived at our apartment complex, each of us retreating to our separate spaces. But sleep eluded me. I couldnโt stop thinking: How? How could something so violent happen so suddenly?
At 5:30ย a.m [http://a.m/]., I prepared for work. I showered, donned my trench coat, fedora, shirt and tie, high-rise pants, and black dress shoes. A gun holster rested at my sideโsomething I didnโt plan to use unless absolutely necessary.
By 6:05ย a.m [http://a.m/]., James and I carpooled to the womanโs house. We arrived at 6:45ย a.m [http://a.m/]. to find her sitting on the doorstep, her gaze empty and distant. When she looked up and saw me, her face twisted in horror.
โMurderer! Youโre the one who killed Jack!โ she screamed, pointing a trembling finger at me.
The accusation hung heavily in the air, but I didnโt flinch. Inside the house, I sat on the couch, trying to process what had just happened. My thoughts swirled uncontrollably. She knowsโฆ they all know. The voicesโฆ the voices are coming for me.
I reached for my gun. I must end this. With trembling hands, I raised it to my head.
BANG!
Everything went silentโฆ