Solipcistic Member Profile

...See more TLDR: I AM A SIMP AND A *** It all started with my female coworker, the two of us have know each other for a year now. At first I had no interest in her, we all knew she was in a relationship but it was classic textbook kind of toxic. You name it, gaslightning, manipulation, etc. After he found out she had $8k in savings he manipulated her into making her pay for his bills until she went broke. Even made her feel like she was always the problem and the reason it eventually ended was also all her fault. The horror story goes further but I'm going to continue on. She would of never left him if she never opened up to each one of us coworkers, but I think I'm the one who made the most impact by telling her to love herself. Eventually after a month me and her fell in love since we realized we share the same values and goals. The problem was that her ex was very persistent even telling her that even after they broke up he will still be friends with her mom. I told her to block him but she could never do it. Me and her were doing amazing, the best experience of my life being with someone. But some of our dates would get ruined when her ex shows up out of nowhere. Eventually, about months later he eventually sweet talked her and made her think he was changing. Over the months my heart broke slowly and suffered trying to figure out why she was more and more distant until eventually I realized she was falling in love with him again, she would flake out on dates and text/call me less. Me and her eventually had that talk and she said she wanted to see him fail one more time, my heart broke again, she said she loved me but then she goes back to her ex anyways. About 2-3 weeks of them dating again, he hasn't changed much at all, making her spend money on everything. But then he said she didn't want her talking to other guys and even wanted her to block me, she couldn't do it herself so she let him do it(which hurt like *** after she told me). She flipped things on him and checked his phone, to which she saw him messaging other girls and also watched p☆rn. After that incident she tells me she isn't looking for a relationship right now. I don't know why but in that moment I asked if she still wanted to pursue something with me, she said yes and we both made a promise that she and I won't see any other people and she won't talk to her ex again. Although she's asking if I can wait a year, but lowered it to 5 months to try things again with me. Why am I willing to put up with all this disrespect? Why am I willing to put up as just an option? Even now she isn't even responding to my texts at all. She said she would call me again more but nothing. I learned from my time here that I'm putting up with it because I have no self respect and I don't love myself. I also put up with it because I have hope that she would go back to her old self like before but that is naive thinking. Now I am stuck in an uncertain promise that she can easily break and have no power over anything and just holding on, suffering everyday, missing her everyday, and hoping that things get better. Please learn from my mistake, I just will have see this through and maybe its a happy ending or I get hurt one more for the last time.

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