This is a poem I wrote as a preteen. It's not very good, but even reading it now makes me remember what I went through and what I've accomplished so maybe it'll make some of you feel something too. You may think it was written about losing someone else, but I actually wrote it about missing the person I used to be.

This is How it Feels

This is what crying feels like.

I forgot how it felt to truly cry;

When sadness controls your eyes.

Your vision is blurred.

It's impossible to breathe correctly.

Your eyes burn,

But the water does nothing to soothe the fiery pain

This is what pain feels like.

Forgetting pain was easy

Because I wanted to forget it all;

The tight knot in your chest

Making its way slowly up your throat,

The headache from the lack of oxygen,

The fire in your eyes from crying,

The cramps in your fingers from trying to hold yourself together.

This is what despair feels like.

The empty pit in your stomach.

Your head erupting with thoughts.

Your throat burning

With the words you want to say but can't manage to get enough strength to whisper.

This is what depression feels like.

The feeling of "what's the point?"

Knowing it's the end; game over.

Knowing there will forever be a hole in your life

Where there shouldn't ever be one.

This is what the end feels like.

Where the road had been smooth

Up to this sudden point.

Where the dead end has come,

However, there is nothing there.

This is what missing you feels like,

Where I remember how it feels.

To cry,

To be pained,

To feel despair,

To be depressed,

To remember the end;

To have lost the battle you have forgotten.

Trust me, I am an insanely good poet (not to brag..) HOWEVER I don't want to risk people stealing my poetry and copyrighting it so oops! Im taking up space in the forum now... I appreciate that there is a poetry forum her nevertheless. Good luck and happy writing!

I dreamt I found the light,

Remembered whispering to myself, "No longer do you have to hide."

Tried to touch it but it slipped through my fingers like sand.

Another false alarm, no harm done.

Until

Im doing alright w myself/ Doing my own thing/ Something I always wanted/ Hustling all night and day/ I'm all good, all good

Until You came/ Pushing me away/ As if I'm doing nothing but nonsense/ Pricking every corner of my strength/ Harassing inch by inch of my weakness/ Brainwashing my good into bad/ I tried so hard to compromise/ To make you feel at ease/ Pushed myself to please you/ And do the things your way/ I let go of the things I like/ Just to make you happy and all that

I keep quiet/ For you to have the spotlight/ I didn't argue/ For you to have the last word/ I played lesser/ For you to become greater/ I didn't struggle w you/ But I'm struggling inside of me

Until I come back to my own/ Understand that my home is ain't you/ I'm done, I'm done, I'm done/ I'm not gonna replace myself just for you/ Not even be like you, oh no please/ I don't want to be like you/ Atleast I know who to emulate/ And how to treat people around me/ That's the opposite of what you did to me

She Still Remains The Same

I knew her as a young girl

Emotions driven by the rain

No one quite really understood her

Yet she never once complained

Her fate was sealed in plastic

Yet she was made of fragile glass

Though many thought they knew her

She was the only one in her class

She reached out to all that cared to listen

With hopes that they'd understand

That her suffering was kept in silence

For there was no one to hold her hand

They all spoke of her intelligence

Never once reflecting on her pain

She vowed in all her misery

That her dignity would always remain

I knew her then and I know her now

Life has never been fun and games

She has encompassed all that she knows how

And yet she still remains the same

YOU TOLD ME

You told me to go away, but you won't let go of my hand when I tried to leave

You told me that it's over, but you are keeping me close

You told me that you don't love me anymore, but you are kissing me as if you love me to eternity

You told me we don't have a future, but you show me that how wonderful we are together

You told me that I cannot be understood, but you know most of the thing I wanted as if you are reading my mind

You told me this is wrong, but you keep indulging in this mistake

You told me I'm cold, but you are hugging me tight

You told me that you had enough, but you keep searching for my presence

You told me thousand things that you contradict yourself. You make me at loss with what you say and what you do.

And if you tell me you love me, would you leave me instead?

I am like the ocean, calm and pure.

Gently guiding turtles back to their home.

Radiating beauty to the world with my works, even though mankind has been cruel.

But there are times where I lose myself, too caught up in situations that I cannot control.

I am like a storm, I will destroy. I will be merciless. I will kill.

But I am also the poor fisherman on his boat, fighting against the storm.

I am at war with myself.

TRIGGER WARNING

SUICIDE -- SELF HARM

She felt so much emotionally, she would say, that a physical outlet - physical pain - was the only way to make her internal pain go away. It was the only way she could control it.

Due to the emotional pain inflicted on a lot of people i have talked to on 7 cups many have resorted to cutting , heres hoping that some of them read this and find solace.

SHE

Another day,

With it another tear that rolls down her eye,

As all her cries get lost…

In the noisy emptiness of the world,

And the deafening silence inside.

Shes an empty shell,

One more flame,

Burnt out before her time,

Battling the winds of the worldly crimes.

She once had the brightest smile,

Now just dark lifeless eyes.

Lost her spark to the world,

That broke her down piece by piece until only fear survived.

She fights pain with pain,

As cold metal presses against her skin,

Bringing out the warmth…

Her drug, to the raging tempest within.

Getting ready to cut again,

She looks back at the time gone by.

When a thought comes to her mind-

What If I end my worthless life?

With that in mind, she writes a note-

‘I love you mom, but I cant take this anymore.

I hope I didn't die in vain…

I wish the world learns and bows its head in shame.

And then she splits her wrists!

The last drops drip down,

Painting the picture of a wasted life.

Mumbling the words-

Bring the motionless veil ‘O heaven

She finally smiles, breathing her last sigh.

**trigger: abuse**

hit or miss

near deadly mistakes

fatally flawed

but it will never be the death of me

so sad

night after night

under the sheets

the bed holds

sinful needs that cannot be quelled

he will not stop

everything is dark

except a spotlight

and it's shining down on me

it's burning bright

destroying pieces of a child

pure and good

now i'm waiting for my next disgraced act

and a little snicker escapes his lips

an evil grin

the dreaded twisted half smile

and a silhouette I will never forget

but i'm not allowed a reprieve

no breaks or spare moments

to catch my breath

we are lying under a starless sky

where there is no rest for the weary

only greedy hands and whispering

hush tones and insecure remarks

only you

a shell of me

I will smile involuntarily

things are so perfect, if asked

when questioned, I'll lie

but I cannot crave your insatiable appetite

the stars in my eyes die down

when you have a change of heart

day and night collides

these are the rolling tides of my life

everything changes

until there's nothing but yourself to change

and you refuse to change anything

a little girl is begging you

pleading for you to stop

with her silent screams

her tear stained cheeks

with all her insecurities

she's not okay at all

there is no safety

only my pain

your pleasure

maddening thoughts...

of wanting relief

praying

planning

finding ways to end her life

end her pain

so she wishes and dreams

escapes and makes believe

travels far away in her own mind

but never too far away

to crawl back through the twisted remains

she loses herself

and finds you

and makes her way back

to the remnants of...

unconventional love

the unconditional kind

the unspoken pain of euphoria

all with your secret games

and living for the high

crashing down on me

drowning me with its love

so cold to the touch

and frayed at the ends

frozen outside

the hot acid melting me inside

burning me to my core

fire and ice raging a war

all consuming

please pick me apart

make me someone new

just let me burn out

be born again into someone different

let me die down

or waste away

build me back up

make me worth it

cause i'm only a sweet smile away

a reminder of how good I am

a blissful 'i love you'

inches away from innocence

but you never cared enough to try to fix me

all you did was kiss me

then mumble goodnight

am I still your babygirl

because every night i still lie here

awake

alone

scared

hurt

wide eyed waiting for your return

your footsteps

the creaking door

the light from the hall shining through

heavy breathing

terrified

feelings never change

i'm still so afraid of everything

i'm still very afraid of you

ITS MY HEART ITS NOT YOU

Its my heart.. Its not u..

Not ur wits, not ur charms

None of your crooked ways

Could get me in your arms

You may never know.. But ohh so true

Its my heart.. Its not you

You ain't nothing more

Than a shining star

Only good when

Away so far

While Getting your ways with a maiden heart

Ever you wondered?

What took you through

Well again.. Its my heart.. Its not you...