wellhere'sanotheroneandimsorryistillcantputspacesinbetweenmywordsiamreallysorryforyouguysifyouhavetroublereadingthisiwrotethisforthegirlilovebutitdidntpanoutsowell*sigh*

you-feel-like-the-world-is-dragging-you-down

and-is-shoving-you-to-the-ground

and-yet-i-dont-know

how-i-can-show

these-feelings-i-have-for-you

that-i-wish-you-knew

ive-tried-my-best

to-put-it-to-rest

but-i-cant-lie-anymore-as-i-stand-here-alone-on-the-dance-floor

i-love-you

as-sure-as-the-morning-dew

i-can-learn

for-you-i-yearn

for-my-heart-is-yours

just-please-dont-walk-out-that-open-door

just-give-me-one-more-chance

one-more-dance

ughthatwasstrenuoupressingthedashinbetweeneverywordisotedious

2am

the silence weighs heavy

down

down

and the clock seems to slip away

alone

the dark wraps you in it's sickly caress

but

sleep illudes you

though the weight of the morning rests heavily on your eyes.

My winterlight

[this is a poem about the SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder, that I have.]

Crystal-white, snowy ice

sunshine sparkles the snow,

ignites my happiness.

True hope, love and warmth...

So beautiful it is, the winter light

I need those days to stay alive

during pitch-black hours

I feel torn, but still alive.

With the will to survive

Even when my body gives in,

my soul will keep going.

And when spring is here again,

my body can heal.

I keep finding clues

that trigger me

reminding me

that somehow

maybe

for sure

you have some other lady

damn.

her drawing.

a girl...caressing

a man who looks

so much like you.

this drawing

looks like everything i did for you.

except it's not mine.

and she got your face wrong

her proportion sucks

but despite all this wrong-ness

the impression was there

and it punched me in the gut

slapped me in the face

and stabbed my heart

dated 2 days after my birthday

august 31

the day

you said things

that made me feel

you were fine without me

suddenly

like that

somehow

hot potatoes

would stay longer in your hand

than me.

so what

that fast?

because she's popular?

i knew you telling me she was ugly was just a bunch of horseshit

when feelings come in play,

ugliness or beauty has no match for the rosy tint of romance.

and you replaced me with her convenience.

just like that

while i have to agonize over every single thing.

the regret, the guilt, the pain.

i pity her really.

she doesnt know you're just a devil in disguise.

but i hope she makes you happy

the way i couldnt have done no matter how much i tried.

nah

not really.

may she realize what i realized.

and see you for what you are.

i want you to feel this pain

i want you to experience this fear that nobody might ever replace you in my heart

because i loved you.

but the difference is...you will realize it too late.

and i will realize i deserve better.

Sometimes the beginning is the end

My broken heart shall one day mend

What lies in store for me to see

When there's nothing but pure misery


I do my best; it's not enough

Why must my life be so darn rough

Who cares to know and understand

I'm amongst the living; a walking deadpan


My heart is forsaken; my mind is null

I'm taken for granted and fed a lot of bull

No one can ever hurt me once more

The pain has tarnished me to the core


I gave my all; Theres no more to give

Please breathe life into me and allow me to live

I am lost; but have reasons to be strong

My suffering enhanced far far too long


I do not ask why I must stay

I just want the pain to go away

My heart in pain; my mind is lost

I must alleviate the pain; no matter the cost


I have no regrets within the past

My oh my the thoughts that last

Unfocused I am; my eyes are blurry

The rage within;the unspoken fury


No one has ever extinguished my pain

I m seeking rainbows in the mist of the rain

Yet with all that I must face

I still have never given up the race


Something new must replace the old

The only way my story will be told

I've cried a river and and one great sea

Then breathed my soul back into me


My thoughts seem bleak and often scary

To those who do not know that I am weary

This is a lesson learned that I chose to share

Because I need someone to care


I haven't lost faith though my heart bleeds

For mercy as I fall upon my knees

I bow my head and speak into the sky's

"Lord please hear my humbled cries"


I know that my anguish is not forever

My reflections are my inspirational lever

My mind begins to clear the haze

And I continue to challenge the maze


I speak in riddles but there is no doubt

That I above all know what it's all about

I have to get my life back in sync

Because I don't want to be one of the extinct


It's completely rational for me to say

That with my awareness I'm on my way

To Achieving my goals and reaching my mark

But I had to near my end before I could start

Remember October

It was by the month of October

I can still hardly remember

When my poor heart start to render

For such a damn cute great pretender.

One look and you'll say she's decent

You'll with to smell her fresh scent

But she has this mind full of Judgement

And she won't talk to you unless you're "Someone".

It's never hard to be "Someone"

But it's also never easy to be "The One"

Now, my life is done

Im such a loser to her eyes

When she pass, I seemed to turn to Ice

I guess I have to take my pal's advice

That I have to stop living such Lies

"The Pearl"

The pearl, radiant and delicate

knows the customs and transitions of the world.

Being part of a necklace,

it knows it's worth and purpose

That it was meant to fall apart one day!

Why is it scared of breaking?

When breaking into pieces is its destination!

Falling apart is its purpose!

(My own poetry)

#thoughts

things that keep me wide awake:

anxieties over artworks, and

this whole idea that because of my stupid decisions 10 years ago, and

the damages it entailed, means

that i definitely contributed 60-70% of the damages between us and i

forever lost you in the process. and

i have to live with that for

the rest of my life.

I dont miss you while the sun shines,

For my minds occupied.

But when it sets, as it will do,

Thoughts of you wont subside.

I dont miss you while Im laughing,

Until I think of yours.

It could charm birds from the treetops.

Your laugh I do adore.

I dont miss you while Im writing,

Except when I ponder

You gave me a reason to write.

And then, my heart grows fonder.

I dont miss you while playing songs,

But your memry comes back.

You played beautiful piano,

And you had skill I lack.

I dont miss you while the sun shines,

But do under the moon.

I may not see you again,

But I hope I do soon.

-Lucas Durand

Hope

I chanted her name in silence and crowds
Bolted her initials on citys charcoal walls
Swallowed through shady woods by her bedside
Was I consumed and burnt in her breath, each time I sighed

Every day I brush by her feet or her freckled arms
As the crimson sun, dew on flowers, capture this moment warm
Hope for the vase to break, tongues moist be remade
Oh my love, on city's very corner I swayed alone as I prayed