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Soulcry
895 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 15 Compassion hearts71 Forum posts45 Forum upvotes59 Current upvotes59 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2019 Member sinceSeptember 5, 2014
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Tired of triggers making old traumas/survival behaviors come back in full throttle
Trauma Support / by Soulcry
Last post
 April 2nd, 2019
...See more Kinda had an anxiety attack because my guest teacher triggered memories of past happenings. Not gonna go into details of the past because that isn't really the point of this post. I'm just really tired that things that happened so many years ago (this particular one was 10 years ago) can come back and hurt you as if it was yesterday. I'm really sensitive to people who are suddenly loud and brash. They could be really kind and caring, but the way they move or speak makes my brain go "danger!!" and I feel the need to become submissive and move away as unnoticeable as possible. I fool myself that I'm better now, and sometimes I feel like I am. Things that would send me into a scare doesn't. But then someone becomes angry/upset in my presence and I reverse into my old instincts. After these happenings, I'm back at square one and tense up at any sign of danger. I'm just really tired and want it to fade. But when I have these attacks and triggers, the pain is just as strong as it was when it happened. It doesn't have to dissapear completely, I'll settle for a decrease really. I only wanna stop feeling like a broken human who pretend to be whole again by holding my pieces together with my arms and some crappy glue.
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Got almost tickled to death (no, not a joke)
Trauma Support / by Soulcry
Last post
 December 12th, 2015
...See more Being tickled is something most people just feel is annoying and some even enjoy it. I panic and start kicking, clawing, biting as if my life was on the line. That's because when I was a kid my brother was sitting on top of me, pinning my arms down with one hand and tickling me with his other. I was laughing and giggling, it was all fun. Then I started to get out of breath. I tried to tell him, but I was laughing so much I couldn't speak. It just went on and on, and somehow the feeling of being tickled felt painful. It was just the same pressure as before, but it hurt. I couldn't tell him to stop, and I couldn't move. Just as everything was going black he stopped and rolled off me. I could breath again, and when I got angry at him for this, he just uttered a 'sorry', still laughing about it and not really believing me. I can't ever get tickled again. The panic rises as soon as someone mentions tickling and starts walking over to me.
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I fantasize about killing people (would never act upon it thought!) Warning: Graphic details!
General Support / by Soulcry
Last post
 May 9th, 2017
...See more I think this is the right forum. If you can't handle reading about blood and gore and such, please don't read this! As stated above, I often daydream about sick things, such as severely injuring someone, and drinking their blood. I just enjoy the feeling of power and cruelty I get from it. Now, I wouldn't do it for real, because I can't even squish a spider without feeling bad for it, and I hate spiders. I also can't see blood without almost fainting, so there is no need to worry about that. I just feel like if I could enter another world and be an anonymous human, I would do all this things, and I just feel such an rush thinking about it. I just needed to share this, because I don't think the people in my circles would be able to hear this without freaking out or something. I edited one detail due to the graphic nature of the description. The post's intent remains in tact and I believe that this is a discussion worth having. If there are concerns you may PM me. - AdVictoriam
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