Attachment Issues - A Poem

I wrote this poem after experiencing some heartbreak from this one guy I am currently talking to.. I expect to feel more heartbreak but I can't walk away from him.

‘Didnt wear my seatbelt

Fell so hard

So fast

Wanted to enjoy myself

Ended up in a pit of misery.

Feels like a crushing rock

Holding me down under

Air bubbles lessening

It’s like I’ve lost the ability to breathe

To see the light

The rug got pulled from under me.

I’m falling

And there’s no where to grab.

Got too close to something real

How silly of me to think it was for me.

How silly of me to let myself believe

That I deserve security and closeness.

Wanted so badly to be connected

I doomed it from the start.

I knew I’d mess up

So I sabotaged myself.

So now I’m drowning in my tears

Wishing I could breathe.

How silly of me to think

Green flags were for me.

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Have me twisted

Heart pangs

Blood down my wrists.

Pain clouding

Breathing labored

Feelings crushed

Doubts intensified.

Questions in the air.

Did I mean anything?

Or was I just another body

To add to your count?

Felt so safe

Now i feel tossed

Like yesterday’s garbage.

You say you’re not leaving

But you don’t show yourself.

All I have is heartbreak

And I did this to myself.

I got close to you

Let myself be hurt.

Opened myself to pain.

I don’t know how to exist

How to pretend you never happened.

Misery in my soul

All I know is sadness.

How lame of me

To think I’m allowed happiness.

It was fun

While it lasted.

I let myself be fooled

Thinking someone could love

All of me.

Should have known

Mother knows best.

No one can love

A broken stitch like me.