Thoughtful Thursday: Shame
Thoughtful Thursday:
Shame
What is Shame?
According to Arlin Cuncic (2021), shame can be defined as “a feeling of embarrassment or humiliation that arises in relation to the perception of having done something dishonorable, immoral, or improper”. Shame may be a negative emotion, but it can help us in everyday life by motivating us to “adhere to cultural norms, follow laws, or behave in a way that allows us to exist as social beings”.
Reactions to Shame
Here are a few different reactions someone might have if they are feeling shame.
- Feeling sensitive
- Feeling unappreciated
- Uncontrollable blushing
- Feeling used
- Feeling rejected
- Feeling like you have little impact
- Being worried what others think
- Worrying that you aren’t treated with respect
- Feeling like others take advantage of you
- Wanting to have the last word
Two Steps to Release Shame
Step 1: Explore your shame
In order to move on from shame, it can be helpful to identify what you are feeling shameful about. Some ways to do this include noticing your emotions in different situations, writing in a journal about how you feel, and thinking about what past situations may have taught you about yourself.
Step 2: Embrace your shame
Once you have acknowledged what you are feeling ashamed about, try to talk to people who you would feel safe sharing it with. This could be friends, family, a support group, or a therapist. Receiving unconditional love and acceptance from other people can help with feeling like it is okay to love and accept yourself.
Questions
- What has been a moment of shame that you feel you can share?
- Acknowledging this shame, how can you start moving past it?
Sources
Cuncic, A. (2021). What Is Shame? https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-shame-5115076
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@WhiteRoses25 Thank you so much for this post!
@WhiteRoses25 I also really like Brene Brown's work on shame and vulnerability.
https://brenebrown.com/collections/love-belonging-and-the-quest-for-wholeheartedness/
https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-kristin-neff-brene-brown/
@WhiteRoses25 Shame has been a predominant state in my life. There wasn’t a single event when I was younger, but like a string of events that made me feel like an unworthy person over time. It’s a little different as an adult, but some events connect in my mind to this same view of myself. Failed relationships contribute, particularly when I feel embarrassed like I thought things were different than they were. Sometimes I think a relationship is good and growing for a long time, but then I find out people were trying to avoid me or just use me for certain things. Criticism and neglect contribute too. I hadn’t understood until writing this though that I think embarrassment leads to shame more than anything for me.