Thoughtful Thursday: Need for companionship
Understanding the need for companionship
Companionship is one of our basic needs. Although the intensity of the need varies for everyone, we all seem to have it. It can be anyone ranging from friends to partners.
Not fulfilling this need can make us feel isolated from the rest of society. It can feel like you're one unit and everyone else is another unit. This may make social situations or even just being out in the public uneasy and exhausting.
Companionship does not equate to losing your personal freedom. It is possible to balance the need with the activities you like to do by yourself.
Companions offer a mode of support which can be a protective factor from distress. When you have a personality disorder that's causing you some impairment in daily life, having people to support you and just be there can mean a lot.
However, in some cases it can be difficult obtaining companions when you're struggling. People often steer away from those that are different from them. They might be unable to relate or understand the person who is struggling because their experiences vary drastically. It's especially difficult in cases of odd behaviour (like in cluster A personality disorders).
Fortunately, there's always people who share similar experiences as us as well as those who are willing to understand and accept them. This makes communities meant for that purpose helpful. It's always nice to be able to hear from others who speak from a place of experience and understanding.
How to find companions?
You have some interests? Dive into communities where others also have them. You can also explore other interests or hobbies and hear from people who are already into it to see if you might enjoy it. Example: something broad like sketching or something specific like a sport or TV series. There's communities for everything online! In a lot of places, they have offline communities as well.
Get to know your acquaintances more. Reach out to old ones, maybe some people you want to know or even liked talking to in the past. Even if it doesn't work out all the time, that's okay. Perhaps it's worth trying. I often do this: I text people I haven't talked to in months and really get to know what they have been up to. These conversations can be fun and interesting!
Talk to your family and friends. Get to know more about them! It can be nice taking an active role in planning stuff out. A picnic, get together at a restaurant, music event, and so on. Just spending time with others is very valuable.
For some of us, the need for companionship can be even more difficult to fulfill. This can be because of various reasons such as 1. Not having the framework of social skills required to initiate conversations. 2. Anxiety on trying out social endeavours because of past experiences or hurts.
In such cases, it's nice to talk to people who you know will be supportive. Support platforms like 7 Cups, professional counselors/therapists, and so on. It helps get a headstart which might be all you need!
Questions
Q1. How do you satisfy your need for companionship?
Q2. Any other thoughts about the topic?
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@sereneButton43 I struggle with this. I don't have friends or family. I had a friend about a year ago but I messed everything up and now I don't have a friend. I isolate alot and I'm lonely alot but I'm afraid to tell people that because I feel like I'm supposed to be alone and it's my own fault for not stepping out of that comfort zone all that much. I did start visiting with one of the closest neighbors though. They're an elderly couple and they're really nice but I get really nervous sometimes because I'm pretty sure I'm going to mess something up. I like coming here though to cups and popping into people's threads and offering support - there are so many wonderful people here and I am so grateful to have met them :)
It is hard to make friends - it's hard to maintain them too. People might not understand that sometimes we isolate because we feel like bad people or that we isolate because we're hurting. Or we're depressed and don't want to bother them or anxiety hits and we feel like we've allready bothered them enough and worry about wearing out our welcome. Idk - alot of times it seems like there's too many expectations and I can't live up to them and then they leave :(
Thank you!
@mytwistedsoul it's nice to hear that you're trying to make it better and hiking it with your neighbours and here on 7 Cups, it can be quite difficult to meet people when you feel like isolating. And I get what you mean about people not understanding why we isolate. Expectations can be difficult to meet when they're overburdening. People leaving unfortunately just reinforces the beliefs that stop us from approaching them in the first place which makes it difficult to get out of the cycle. I hope you'll take care of yourself on this journey. Have a great day! :)
@sereneButton43 You're so right about how difficult it is to break that cycle! Thank you so much for your reply :)
Take care and I hope you have a good weekend