Personality Disorders Community Check-in: August 29th–September 4th

@QuietMagic

thinking about…. 

The list would be far to long to document….

should people have rights? Definitely!

EQUAL rights though! Completely equal! Respect goes both ways! Rights goes both ways! 

Demands people should do or use xyz, should equality be accepted by those who won’t do or use xyz.

You can’t have rights if not balanced, otherwise it’s a persons right above another’s. 

That’s not rights just a means of devision where there should be none. 

Only rights we have bestowed upon us, (thinking rather deeply) none. Life, happiness and pleasantries are not a right . Just what is, and for those less fortunate seen as a gift 

@LabeledBPD

Haha, what are the top couple things on your list?

Makes sense, rights lose their value if they only apply to a select group of people and they have to be universal.

Reminds me of some times in the past when I've recognized or "discovered" a right that I've realized I care about other people respecting when interacting with me... and suddenly I'll realize ways that I haven't been respecting other people and my morality/behavior will shift. (Works too for things that aren't "rights"; sometimes when I accept things I don't like about myself, suddenly I'm more compassionate toward those things in other people.)

@QuietMagic

i will generalise as far to much detail as rather vast . 

Thinking about my behaviour and actions.

thinking about support ending and being hit with something that will cripple me that I hoped would never happen.

not very fun things to think about.

@LabeledBPD

Yuck 😢 Feel free to PM if you want to talk in more detail about anything that's been happening. 💜

@QuietMagic Things I've been thinking lately...

Well, finding my ideal job has been on my mind a lot, and I've been getting back into my spirituality again and manifesting. It has helped improve my mood a lot, and I'm proud of my progress. I've also been working out and meditating daily again, so I'm also proud of that. I hope I keep up the momentum because these things really go according to my cycle. But I'd really like to stop allowing my cycle to control my life. Yes, I understand that I'm human and need rest days, but my self-discipline needs improvement, and I want to actively show up as my true self more than letting my cycle control my life. I hope I can maintain control as I have been so far, but also ret when I need to rest without becoming lazy.

@NabeelahHendricks

That sounds great, like there are things you value (spirituality, working out, meditating) and you've been able to start doing those regularly and it feels nice being able to maintain them with some consistency.

Sounds like you're trying to find that sweet spot in terms of "I want to maintain my routines that I find meaningful even if my cycle might make that difficult" balanced with "I know rest might be necessary sometimes".

Maybe once you're closer to the difficult part of the cycle, you'll have a sense of what feels doable, like either "I can power through this and I feel motivated to do that" or "I really do need to rest". Or maybe there might be ways to maintain the routines but adjust them slightly based on how you're feeling (e.g. still do things but not as long or with lower intensity)?

Hello PD community. I have recently started DBT therapy. This week upcoming will be my third meeting with the therapist. I primarily am going for severe anxiety but I'm also diagnosed with BPD. She has been really helpful and encouraging so far in letting me share my symptoms and history without judgement.

I hope all of you are building/have a support network 🙏.

Lately I've been thinking about the things I have avoided due to anxiety like going to physical therapy appointments and other things I needed like the library (printer) and the pharmacy. Feeling guilty about it just makes me want to avoid it even more.

On the topic of rights, I think we need to look inside ourselves and figure out the reason behind wanting certain things from others. We have to build boundaries from a healthy space before advocating politically. This usually happens subconsciously but I think it's important to check in and reflect even if something seems self evident. For example, both me and my partner were survivors of child abuse. He and I have both said "there should be some way to prevent children from being born to bad parents" when upset. But, in practice, this actually means very authoritative policies around who is good enough to be allowed to reproduce and historically, there hasn't been any good measure of restricting births - you end up harming often minority communities (which me and them are part of as well). If something like that existed, me and them couldn't have a child either most likely. So I had to step back and reflect, okay, what can I reasonably expect from others? I think it's reasonable to expect people not to abuse children, obviously. But it's not reasonable for me to expect to judge fairly who should have a child. I can't tell.

@StrawberryShaken

Hey, I'm glad that the therapist has felt like she's been helpful and making things feel safe. 💜

When you mentioned that the guilt that makes you want to avoid those things more, is it like the guilt is uncomfortable so then it feels like "nope, I can't think about any of this, because it's too stressful having to deal with that guilt"? (Makes me wonder if there's a way to start on the actions while side-stepping the guilt--like coming up with a different motivation/framing--or a way to ease the guilt just so it isn't paralyzing.)

***

That's really interesting what you're saying about the "prevent bad parents from having children" idea. Sort of like intuitively/emotionally, it definitely feels like there's something valid and true there: some people are awful parents, they do a lot of harm, and it would be great if there was some way to prevent them from harming people. But then when you think about trying to implement certain policies and possible negative ripple effects, it feels like it doesn't work.

So the takeaway I'm getting from that is that emotions are a valuable starting point for identifying what feels important (including maybe a felt sense of "people should have a right to __"). But sometimes there's also some planning and pragmatism needed in terms of thinking through "What will happen if I try to do this? Will it go the way I want it to, and am I okay with the consequences?"