Another hello
In the middle of January, I experienced trances that were triggered by the chaos of the students at my school. These trances took away my appetite, luring me deeper into them as my hunger grew. That's a large part of them. But as the days went on, and the weather got colder, there were school delays left and right, making some people not show up and classes a bit shorter. As they didn't show, my mind was never triggered. Although, there was a day where there were a lot more students than usual and I felt something rising in me, 'til I got in the classroom and everything was shut off. That was when I knew the trances did in fact exist and actually meant something.
The number of students was still a bit low and I felt decent. Then I got sick, which sickness mutes my symptoms cause it physically makes me focus on me, if that makes sense. Sickness has just always muted my symptoms no matter what was wrong with my mental health. So, no trances, just a bunch of laughing because sickness makes everything funnier or something. I'm now recovering from sickness and the students still aren't fully there, so they're probably sick too. But the days have been fine.
My stepmother has shown subtle signs that she's still the same person she was when I talked to her and tried doing things like wear one earring only. She's not home yet though, so it's fine. It makes me wonder though, how she'll react when I ask Father if going on the family trip is mandatory or not cause I wanna focus on my art and guitar so I can become the person I actually wanna be—free and figured out. I can't do that if I can't draw or haven't published a book yet. I don't have as much fun when I go on the trips with my stepmother anyway.
I think I feel vulnerable. It just feels like if I was exposed to something terrible that lasted days or weeks my mental health would get bad again and it would stay bad. Idk. Bye
@rabbitandthehare A fellow teacher! Hello! I'm glad you are reaching out. We have a stressful job, don't we? What ages do you teach?
What? I'm not a teacher I'm a student. Anyway, it's a mental state I can slip into when triggered by overwhelm, etc. They involve morbid topics and it feels like I'm being pulled inside of myself during them. That's a vague explanation of them.
They're new, but I've gone through multiple severe mental health experiences throughout my whole life, like psychosis and more.
@rabbitandthehare Oh, sorry! I shouldn't have assumed. I guess it would have made more sense for me to assume you were another student rather than a teacher overseeing those students, sorry. Thank you for explaining the trance states.
I can relate a little on the sickness aspect- the moment I learned I had a fever the other day, I let out a sigh of relief and somehow felt better that I could 'justify' my bad mood and had an 'excuse' to relax and just focus on my own life.
It's lovely to hear about your hobbies with art and writing and guitar- creative hobbies take energy and motivation (as an artist and a writer, I know that struggle intimately well). Do you have an idea for a book?
