The Cycle

I am in therapy. It has helped my regulation a lot. However I have been splitting recently. Alienating people and withdrawn. My relationships don't seem to be as strong I'd like them to be after I invest. My family does not "believe" in mental illness. So it's a cycle of having to feel guilty I'm don't feel great, hiding it, pretending to be well-adjusted, shaming and being discredited for anything I dont agree with. It's hard because I'm trying to get better. I need support. I dont wanna feel guilty because this feeling exists and I am the way I am. I just want to address it. But instead I have to feel bad because "I handled things differently than other people" people who had it worse. This is my response. I'm so depressed I dont wanna go to work. I dont wanna end up in crisis. I wanna address everything while I'm still functional but I'm taken seriously when I'm in crisis and maybe that's part of the attraction. Anyways, having a bad day. A couple of bad days. Trying to make it through.