Splitting
Here I am again, thinking the same thoughts that I thought I could beat. I make the smallest mistake, a change in tone, a reminder about a past favorite person, and I'm falling. Spiralling. That's how my brain works. Anything that anybody seems to say wrong about me means that I'm terrible, that I'm a bad person. I hate them, I love them. I deserve to hurt, I'm the best person in the world. And yet I'm here, time again, feeling so terrible. I can't put it into words how much it hurts. And all it was was a slight change in tone from a person that I don't even know very well. It feels like I'm being ripped apart, so many emotions and yet so so empty at the same time. And I feel bad by fighting back. I deserve to hurt, it's right to think this way, right? I don't want to fight back, even though I know I should. Hhhhh
Wait ha I spelled splitting wrong oops
@ahhhhelpimalive
Fixed the title for you 😊
@ahhhhelpimalive
Sorry that things feel like they're spiraling. 💜 That makes sense what you're saying that it feels like there's this flipping back and forth where sometimes you feel like the best person in the world and other times you feel terrible. And right now things feel terrible sort of like, "I hurt so much but I feel like I deserve this. I have all kinds of thoughts about myself that feel really bad but I feel like they're accurate."
If you feel like sharing, what kinds of thoughts do you have about yourself that feel like they are hurting a lot?
@QuietMagic unsurprisingly, the feelings have already passed. Feeling better now, although not doing the best. It was sort of a 'you can't help them, you're a failure, just like how you weren't able to help people in the past' type thing when it started, which just got worse and worse as the thoughts kept going. But I manages to get through it and not do anything too bad in the process! c:
@ahhhhelpimalive
Glad that it passed and you were able to get through it. 😊 If you ever want to share more about some of those thoughts/experiences with not being able to help people, feel free to post about it here or PM me.
Wow I can really relate to everything you wrote! I don't know how I can help but know your not alone ❤️