Is this related? What is this?

Hi there! First off, I'm really glad to hear above all else, that your life is going well. That's great and definitely helpful for you to be able to work on the issues you're having!

In regards to your feelings of being in a movie, it's actually common for people with BPD to disassociate in different forms. What you described, in my experience, does sound like mild disassociation. There are many different forms and types, not all are scary! Often times, for me personally, it's just periods of time where you feel lost, or "zoned out", or miss a few moments of time. I have experienced the depersonalization you described earlier where you feel like you're watching yourself from the outside. These typically, for me, only happen in really, really high stress times. Fight or flight type response, you know? :P It's useful to try and and remember to use grounding techniques in these times.

Do you think it's fair to say that you're having impulse control issues right now, in regards to your need to drink, seduce guys or self harm? You're not alone, impulsivity is also a major thing that a lot of borderlines struggle with everyday, I know I do! It's a really frustrating feeling to be constantly fighting with yourself. You mentioned that you know and use the skills to cope with this, which is awesome, but you're feeling like they're not working at the moment. That happens to the best of us, unfortunately, and you're going to be able to work on getting back to a point where they will. You'll find a comfortable place!

In regards to suggestions and such on how to do that, that is so specific to your situation and to who you are as a person and how you cope.. Ultimately, the solution to this will have to come from within.

I hope I helped clarify some things for you. Good luck, and we are here for you! <3

Thank you for responding! You were very helpful

Derealization seems to be what you're describing, it's a form of dissociation like mentioned above and both dissociation and impulse control issues are common BPD symptoms.. I myself face them quite often, you're not alone x

@poetrylover14

I am so sorry you're struggling with this. I will go ahead and say yes, feelings of unreality are an aspect of BPD. I experience this a great deal myself along with dissociation. The feelings your describing sound like impulses. The best way, for me, to combat these is to use healthy replacement behaviors. For example, instead of making major life changes, I'll travel, instead of self-injury, a long hot bath, and the like. I have a complex relationship with alcohol as well and try to avoid it when I am feeling overly emotional or unstable. This can also be difficult however as I don't always know how to cry when I am sober. I also attempt to do art during times of distress. Are you in counseling?

I hope you begin to feel calmer soon. Best wishes. <3