Abandonment Wound
I spoke to my therapist and we have been discussing my abandonment wound. To realize I've felt this way since I've known myself. How abusive my mother was and how it was disguised as love. How alone I felt in that house, until my both parents actually left before I was a teen. It was painful to say out loud and to admit to myself. How repression was needed for my daily life. To get out of bed and face anyone because I couldn't cope with things well and felt I wasn't good at socializing with other kids. The amount of shame. How exhausted I feel, as I clean up all of this when I didn't create it. I am angry and sad at the same time. Im afraid to be alone. Not the moment they leave but the long drawn out painful silence I feel after. However, here I go again. To perseverance and hope for tomorrow to be a better day......
@understandingCamp1248
Your sadness and anger make lots of sense to me... you are grieving for things you deserved as a child, but didn't get. And this grieving feels like a part of healing, you know?
To me, it looks like you had a major breakthrough in therapy... I hope you will let yourself feel this grief fully. There will come better days afterward 