A Communication Space for Jaeteuk and bestVase7265 only. (Please do not reply or respond, thank you)
I hope this can be a start of support for the long-term for the both of us.
@bestVase7265
I'll be leaving my house Sunday morning. See you in a week!
Take care, Vase~
So sorry that I didn't see either of these messages until now. The other one never appeared in my feed. I hope that you have great trip! You deserve it.
I'm back!
The Cruise was okay. We were lucky that 2 of the 3 ports we stopped at, wasn't raining. We were told, of the 365 days, 300 days is usually raining. When we arrived, the person driving the bus told us they were having the second day with no rain. It only rained a bit at our third port, which is okay, because the town is super small. The downtown area is only like two small blocks of shops. So nothing to see there. I think we only spent like 45 minutes to an hour there, it took longer to wait for a bus than to see the town.
The food on the cruise wasn't that good though.. the food quality, according to my mum, is not as good as Princess Cruises.. we took the Royal Caribbean, as the higher end of cruises, we were expecting better food quality and more variety. Let's just say, there was nothing memorable with the food. The production team for the shows.. the singers weren't that good.. 2 men and 2 women, only one of the guy has better vocal control.. The orchestra was good, so with the shows, I just focused on the music. There was a comedy show on the last night, that was okay.. Did get a few laughs in there.. We also went to listen to a Classical Music duo (piano and violin) a few times.. I liked most.. But their performances were either only 30 minutes long, or 45 minutes long.. But I wished they played more Classical pieces than the movie theme songs.
I'll be attending the first group support session for grief tonight. Actually, after returning from the cruise, I don't feel as affected by the grief anymore.. So, I'm not sure if I need group support.. but, when I asked the friend who suggested it.. she says, it won't hurt to attend.. and they might give me different perspectives in how to deal with it. I think now, I'm more afraid to return to work than to face my grief. Afraid of what colleagues will have to say about my absence since August, also, I wonder if they ended up hiring a second Casual to cover for me. My manager has given until the end of September to be off.. and I really don't know if I am ready to put up with colleagues' comments if I were to return to work in October.. Also, with this group support thing every Tuesday from 7pm - 9pm, that would mean, I won't be able to work the 12-8pm shift on Tuesdays. I did think about asking my Manager if I could do a gradual return.. maybe start off with working for 2 days a week, then, increase it, depending on how I feel at work.
Oh, I also asked my friend if she still needed me to take care of her dog on Thursday and Friday this week.. she said she has a change of plans.. Needs to drive into the interior to pick up her sister and niece over the weekend instead.. so, she says she'll need to make different arrangements for her dog. I just hope we can attend the first group session together tonight, as I've never been to the church that it's held at, I'm not sure if I can find the right room. If she doesn't feel tired physically and mentally today after working, she said I could carpool with her. She did say, she will try and attend the sessions whenever she can.
I'm also waiting for the call from the free counselling sessions community this week.. They called me last week, but I was on the Cruise. The office called me the week before, and I told them I was going to be out of town and will return on the 15th. The clerk said she'd make a note of it and ask the counsellor to call me after the 15th. But, my dad messaged my mum during my Cruise and said they called me. I guess the message was never passed on. Not much communication there!~
I am glad that the cruise was overall good except for the food and entertainment. You came back more relaxed and less in a grief state which is good.
Do see how the grief counseling (group and individual) goes. It might help a bit in general to talk things out even if it is just about how to handle a return to work.
You will figure that out. Remember it is more about the job than about how people react to you. You will do your best. @Jaeteuk
I took a power nap for like an hour.. thinking I should rest a bit before my second group session tonight (leaving my house in less than 10 minutes).. Instead, I ended up getting this horrific nightmare.. where I was trying to call for help as something is pressed on top of my body, but no sounds came from me.. I was at a point where I tried to call for help, as if trying to wake myself up.. It took some effort to wake myself up from it.. and for a few seconds, I couldn't talk and felt like that thing pressed on top of me was still there..
I've had this kind of nightmare before.. I think at least twice in the past..
I am sorry for the horrible nightmare. Hopefully it was a way of the stress leaving your body. May tomorrow be more peaceful. @Jaeteuk
Hello Vase,
First of all, hope you had a great Christmas and New Years!
It's been a few months since we last exchanged messages. A lot has happened with my grieving journey and I just wasn't really in the mood to keep up with Cups as often.
Now that things are slowing coming back into place, I wanted to drop a message to you.
Long story short, I finally got some closure to my Grandma's passing the past month (my family and I went on vacation and stopped by Hong Kong for 5 days), as we visited her grave. Although the time with her spent was short, I said my greetings to her in prayers. We returned home Dec. 29th, was away for 3 weeks (a family vacation - parents and brother, we haven't vacationed as a family for at least 20 years). In the trip, we also attended a funeral (Uncle suddenly passed away from a stroke).
I saw my GP last week, and we decided that I'm ready to return to work, but on a gradual return, so 2-3 days a week. I contacted my Manager the next day and found out she took my absence from work as a Medical Leave. With my request to gradually return to work (GRTW), she asked me to contact the Absence & Disability Department to go through a process. I contacted that department the following day, and got a reply from them at the end of the week (of last week), saying I'll need a doctor's note. The lady gave me like a document, stating what the Doctor's note has to include. So, I tried calling the doctor's office to make an appointment, they were like, for 2 weeks, my GP is working only on Thursdays, and she's fully booked. So, my earliest appointment is January 23rd. She's back to her normal schedule that week, working Mon, Tues, and Thurs. So, now, I'll have to wait another week or so, to get that Doctor's note from her, and send it to that Department upon my request for the GRTW. I'm not entirely sure how it works, and I don't know if they'll end up arranging my work shift during my colleague's vacation, or just random days for the 4 hour shifts. I'm thinking, if I get to choose.. to work only 2 days a week, like for a Mon/Wed or Wed/Fri.. that way, I can keep Tues and Thurs open, in case I need to make doctor appointments. I probably mention to my GP, when she makes up the Doctor's note, to state that I could only work 2 times a week to start off with. So, I'm thinking, maybe I could start working again my February?
I also went on my last counselling session this morning. We recapped my vacation trip, how I'm feeling with my grieving journey, and the current plans on returning to work.. We've decided to take a 2-3 month break. This counselling service is free, and was sent by a referral from my GP. So, my counsellor says, since it's a free service, usually 12-16 sessions. As my last session today (I changed the last session to today, rather than the 28th), she said to take a break, to let other clients use the service. Then, I can ask my GP to send another referral back to her in early April, have my sessions reset, and start over. She's an intern counsellor, so she's doing her clinical practice, and she's with the service until end of June. But she did say, when she's gone, I could continue with my sessions with her Supervisor (who is a regular counsellor at the Community Centre, and like her, also speaks Cantonese).
We went overtime a little bit, and I ended up talking to her a few more minutes on our walk to the front desk. I told her, maybe the next time we meet, we could work on the relationship I have with my mother. At the last minutes of our session, I was telling her, although I was able to spend some quality time with my mother during the trip (my dad and I took turns sleeping in the same Hotel room as her).. but I felt there was still a barrier between us. I told her briefly, that for many years, my mother would always say something negative about me.. whether that me about my life, my personality, my appearance, just everything that relates to me.. and say how bad it is.. Not once, did she ever say I'm good enough.. So, over at least the past decade, almost everyday, with this negativity comments towards me.. It has shattered my self-esteem and self-confidence..
I was looking forward to a new chapter of life this year.. especially having gone through that grieving journey for my Grandma.. But, when I think about myself, my future, things still look gloomy.. I understand the motherly love and her intentions when she tells me those things.. but despite her good intentions, her words are still hurtful, and it still affects me deeply, especially when I'm more of the emotional type of person..
Anyways, that's my update.
How are you doing? Over the past few months, I've seen more and more members creating threads with you in this Pen Pals forum. Hope you have enough time to answer everybody. Makes you so popular.
It is so nice to hear from you. I had wondered what had happened but it is really good to take a break and then come back.
It sounds like you are on much more solid footing. It is great that you got both the vacation and the time to grieve and move forward. You have an excellent plan for returning to work and you have found a counselor who you can work with. It may be a bit before you can see her again, but you are headed in a good direction. I agree that this could be a much better year for you. You are processing stuff really well.
I do work with some people here on Cups but probably less new ones than I used to. It has actually been a really rough fall for me, but I am hoping to get back on track this year. We got hit with two hurricanes in 3 weeks that luckily only caused a multiple day power outage at our house. However, we had many friends who completely lost their homes, we lost our church, my school was heavily damaged and we were online for 6 weeks. Three days after we got electricity back from the hurricanes, my mom who lives 3 hours away broke her kneecap which meant over a week with her until after she had surgery. She is a horrible patient so that was quite stressful. My oldest son moved back in to our house (he is here until late May) and so that has been a challenge with all of his stuff. My dad is declining and was hospitalized twice over the holidays. He is doing a bit better now, but sleeps a great deal. I do think that he won't be with us much longer. And the horrible presidential election on top of all of that has been rough.
But I am taking things a day at a time and focusing on my immediate family and spending time with them. The next semester starts up at the end of month. @Jaeteuk
From the initial hit of the grief, my brain had shutdown.. I totally couldn't think straight and was struggling a lot with short-term memory.. So, keeping up with Cups just didn't work for me.. Up until now, I still have problems with my short-term memory.. For example, I might have thought of a conclusion for a specific problem, but after walking down the stairs, I'll have forgotten what my final thought was.. before, I couldn't even recall it until like a day later.. It's getting better now.. but I feel my brain is still not working normally..
I guess, that's the main reason I wanted to do the GRTW.. Also, I had been afraid of what my colleagues would say about my absence or say hurtful things with my grief (like what 2 of them said to me when I mistakenly continued to work for a couple days after I got the news of my Grandma passing).. But now, just as how I told my counsellor, I'm looking at going back to work as it's more of a need (of income, we spent a lot of money on our trip, since everything booked was nearly last minute).. I'm not sure how I'll react when or if those colleagues continue to say hurtful and disrespectful things to me.. So, I'll have to see how things go..
Ohh.. you live in hurricane zone.. I'm glad you had your windows done, otherwise, you might've had more damage than just power outages.. Is your mom recovering from her surgery still or is she all better now? Damaged church and school too, eh?.. Do they have to be rebuilt or a renovation will do? I'm sorry to hear about your dad, it must be tough with your plates full.
Taking things one day at a time is wise, and yes, focus on just your immediate family and spend time with them.. I hope things will fall in place one by one.. It's difficult juggling everything being thrown at you at once.
@bestVase7265
Don't be waiting for your colleagues to say things that might be disrespectful and hurtful. When you are watching for them it makes them worse. There will be some people who won't understand or won't know what to say. But if you can just say to yourself that you made good choices and they weren't in your shoes (and really can't be) then it will be okay. You are starting to feel better and that is what matters.
My mom is indeed doing better. Both she had my dad are really tired and are dealing with memory loss kinds of things, but they are making it for right now. The church is raising money for rebuilding and school is back in session (if with fewer students but we are trying). I am just going day to day at the moment.
For the next two nights (16th and 17th) I won't be able to be on 7 Cups. We are going to an ice hockey game (my first one and I am not a fan of crowds and noise) and then a concert the night after that. Hopefully it will all go well. @Jaeteuk
How was the ice hockey game and concert?
I had our annual dinner with relatives yesterday too, the 18th. In celebration of my Aunt's birthday and Chinese New Years.. My Aunt always book a table at the same Chinese Restaurant a few months ago for two weeks prior to Chinese New Years.. as set dinners are much cheaper now. She follows the lunar calendar for her birthday, which is the first day of Chinese New Years..
So, I messaged my colleague/friend last night, asked if she'd be interested to join me for dinner for one evening, in celebration of my birthday this week.. She reminded me, her husband's birthday is two days before mine.. I totally forgot about it.. I invited both of them to join me for dinner, on an evening of their choice.. since they both need to work. She hasn't said which day yet, or if she's up for it.. In my mind, I also want to have a meal with them, thanking for being good support to me when my Grandma passed away last year.. Also, she asked me to help her buy a snack from Japan, which I still haven't given her yet.. I've asked her twice, ever since I came back, if we could meet up shortly so I could give it to her.. both times, she was busy. So, I'm hoping she agrees to have dinner together, then, I could give it to her.. I also plan to buy them a little gift of thanks.. My dad has a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning, I might decide to go out with them so I can shop for a gift. I haven't really thought of what I could give them as a thank you gift yet.. But, I guess walking around the mall and in the stores would give me a better idea than just thinking about it.
@bestVase7265
The ice hockey and concert were both good. They were a little late for me (the ice hockey went into overtime) but one of my sons drove home from the game so I didn't have to face the nasty traffic. That really helped. I'd be willing to do the concert again since the venue was smaller, but not the ice hockey game really. But it was good to try once.
It sounds like you have had some good family time and will hopefully have a nice dinner with your friends soon. I bet you will find a wonderful gift. Happy Chinese New Year! @Jaeteuk
That's good you didn't need to drive home after the game.. It would've been stressful. Concerts at smaller venues are always better. Probably have a better sound system too, not too much surround sound with the music.
My friend replied this morning, says they are up for dinner this Friday. Her family will eat with me.
So, my brother came back from his business trip Sunday evening, and he took Monday off. So, for lunch, after my dad's doctor's appointment, I drove the both of us down to meet with them. After our meal, I said I have to find and buy something at the mall, so, we parted ways.. my brother went with my parents, as I went into the mall. The restaurant is part of the mall, but does not have a mall entrance. Anyways, I was able to find an appropriate Thank You card and small gift from Hallmark. It's a heard shaped little plate. I know my friend and her husband, both lost their fathers in the last 5 years, so the message on the plate is for loss loved ones. It didn't come with a box, so, I ended up buying a gift bag, that's big enough for my card to fit inside too. Aside from celebrating my birthday with them, I also want to thank them for being supportive to me when my Grandma first passed away. They opened their home for me to spend as much as I wanted with their puppy. Often, if I stayed past 2pm, her husband would bring lunch back for the both of us after he gets off work at 1pm. It was so much better than just staying at home.. especially for August, when my parents stayed in Hong Kong for the funeral, with just my brother and I at home.. and he continued to work, it was so difficult for me.. All I wanted to do was sleep and not eat.. So, being able to go to my friends house and spend time with their puppy, like, once or twice a week, it really helped.
I actually ended up arriving home before them, like 5 minutes earlier.
You know, on a side note, I've actually been a bit suspicious that I'm getting a recurrence of diverticulitis.. I've been getting weird bowel movements ever since I returned from vacation.. The only difference from last year, is that the pain is not consistent. Just little bursts here and there, but it's around the same area.. I'm going to mention it to my doctor on Thursday when I get the doctor's note for work..
The reminds me, I haven't booked the appointment for blood work yet.. I was suppose to get it done in December, but we went away instead. Both my mum and I needed to get some blood work done.. But I'll wait and see, maybe she'll order a different test for me, or add something to the previous requisition she gave me before.
@bestVase7265
Sounds like a successful day and you bought a good gift. I remember back to August when you were talking about how helpful your friends were being.
I had another event tonight (a racial healing and justice group) so I will keep things short for now. I should be able to write more tomorrow.@Jaeteuk
Sounds good.
So, tonight, I was suppose to go for "movie night" with my Grief Group Support (sessions ended in December, but they wanted to stay connected, so organized to gather once a month for movie night). But something happened.. long story short, I apparently did something I'm not allowed to (although it was with good intentions, and was never told I couldn't).. Now, it's all awkward with the hosts.. So, I ended up deciding not to attend it 2 weeks ago.. But because I told my family that I was going, I just ended up leaving my house at the same time.. But went to have dinner at my favourite Korean restaurant instead.. Let's just say, to kill time, I took my time.. Even added another bowl of rice.. I was planning to make reservations for Friday with my friend, but they say they don't take reservations.. so, I'll just arrive at 6:30pm to get seats.. Anyways, I ended up leaving around 7:30pm.. so, was there just over an hour or so.. then, I went to the mall (grocery and Walmart is still open, as they have their own entrances). I just walked the grocery store.. looked at some things I could buy (need to check our pantry first) on Thursday after my doctor's appointment. Then, I walked Walmart.. Ended up making some small purchases.. at least, items had to be small enough to fit in my purse.. But you know, I got home around 9:25pm, and parents are already in the bedroom, and brother was just about to brush his teeth.. his dog came downstairs to greet me though.. Oh yea, we have Hiro for like 10 days.. We've had him since last Friday, and he leaves on Saturday. Oh right, when I first parked my car on the driveway, before turning off my engine, I glanced at my phone, as it was flashing with a message, turns out my mum messaged me to ask me to park on the opposite side (than my usual). I thought, luckily I haven't turned off my engine yet.. so, I just moved my car to the other side without leaving my driveway.. I didn't think of parking on the other side, because I thought I remember hearing my brother said he'll take public transit to the office tomorrow.
Now, I'm too full to sleep.. But I'm getting sleepy.. I think I actually slept okay last night.. I put my phone away on the ground around 2 or 3am.. then, slept.. I awoke briefly before 7am, then, felt tired and went back to sleep.. I think I was dreaming, because I thought I heard my mum call my name when I finally woke up around 9am.. But, when I went downstairs to ask her, she said she hadn't called me.. I tried sleeping earlier.. like without playing games on my phone or watching dramas from my phone/iPad in bed, but when I tried to actually sleep before 11pm, I'll be waking up multiple times in the night.. at 1am, 3am, 5am.. I guess, that's why, I usually end up staying up until at least 2am before sleeping.. but you know what everyone says.. the most important/healthiest time to be sleeping is between 11p - 2am. For the longest time (years), I haven't been able to sleep during that time, no matter how sleepy I felt.. I'm like wide awake when I do try to sleep.. unless I'm sleep-deprived for like 3 or more days, then, I could fall asleep by 11pm.
At first, I thought it was jetlag, but now, I think it's become like my normal sleeping schedule.. It kinda sucks though, because whenever I do wake up, I still feel sleepy.. and yet, when I tried to sleep earlier at night, I can't fall asleep.
@bestVase7265
Overall that sounds good. Sorry that the grief support group didn't work out, but you filled the time well.
It sounds as though you got some good sleep together in a bunch of hours which I believe is even more important than the certain hours that you sleep. Sorry that you are still waking up tired, but I bet that you are more alert and content later during the day. I also have a feeling that your sleep schedule might change a bit again after you start working a few days a week. @Jaeteuk
Yes, it will definitely change once I start working again for sure.. Right now, my brain is still not working normally yet.. like, after I've parked my car, and walked away, the next minute, I don't remember whether or not I locked it.. And when I try to think back, my mind is blank.. Like I can't recall my actions after stepping out of my car and closing the door. My car is the one where you press a button on the handle, to lock or unlock it.
But you know, at the same time, I'm able to think of ideas.. like, sometimes, my parents might be stuck with a problem, and I'm able to come up of a solution (an idea).. But just still having short-term memory losses.. That's one of the reasons why both my doctor and I would like me to do a gradual return to work.. Kinda like to slowly get my brain working again.. to think normally and recall things..
So, my Manager has booked me for the year of shifts. She gave me the list of weeks, I've chosen 3 blocks to be off from.. a week in the beginning of summer, and a week at the end of summer, plus the days prior to Christmas. Now that there are two other Casual staff below me (Manager hired them during my absence), even when I don't take those blocks, the others could work them.. You know, another thing I'm afraid of upon returning to work.. it's what my colleagues may comment about my absence and make inconsiderate comments on my loss again.. That was one of the major problems I encountered at the beginning of my grieving journey.. when I continued to work for the following 2 days after I heard the news. Colleagues were NOT nice at all and being so sensitive and emotional during that time, I took it really hard..
I ended up reporting to my Union Rep about them during my absence.. as along my counselling sessions, working through the grief, I dealt with that issue too with my counsellors, because every time I talked about it, my blood boiled. At the last session with my counsellor a couple of weeks ago, I told her, I'm going to try and face returning to work, with the thought of needing some income (as I spend thousands of dollars for our trip).. But I'm still a little anxious facing my colleagues again, especially those who made those heartless comments.. I don't know how or if I could retrieve them with a neutral mind and not be affected.. I figured though, if they continue to make those thoughtless comments, then, I'll report them again.. I even told my Manager about it before.. but, she didn't really say or do much.. So, if the comments continue and I'm yet again affected by their words, work would be difficult.. Why can't people be nice to each other?
@bestVase7265
You are planning for something that hasn't happened yet. You can also presume that they might be kind. No, they probably aren't going to understand completely, but that's on them.
My concern is that if you get worked up about it before you return that any comment they make even if it's "Glad to see you are better now" or "We missed you" you might perceive as something meant to hurt you when it wasn't at all meant that way. For me, the easiest thing to do when I am nervous like that about what other people say is to presume the best of them rather than the worst. I will say "I bet I misunderstood their intent" or "I wonder if they are having a really rough day". Those comments make whatever the person said less painful. That is your goal - for you to feel less pain. That part you are in charge of.
@Jaeteuk
Yes, I'm trying my best to not think about it much too consciously.. I'm trying to think that going back to work, is just because I need some sort of income.. even when it's not steady, like working 1-2 weeks a month, it's better than zero income during the months I was off.. I hope I can process their comments in a more neutral mindset now.. We'll see how it goes.. if all else fails, I was thinking of returning to see my counsellor in April - June.. When I last saw her, we already discussed about another topic we could work on, with counselling.. But I mean, if this workplace is causing more problems, that I'm affected mentally again, it will also be something that I could share with my counsellor then (or I might have to report my colleagues again, especially if one of them tells me that because I'm a Casual and not a permanent staff, that my work productivity and efficiency is far from the regular permanent staff, because that's just a form of disrespect of my own work ethics and a discrimination to my work status). Because the counselling is a free service, usually only for 12 sessions, so like 3 months.. She asked me to take a 3-month break, so others on the waitlist (although a free service, but still needs a doctor's referral), can have their chance to see the counsellors too. So, I'm hoping when I return to work, I can handle the words colleagues may say to me..
I know one of my colleagues lost her mother in the beginning of October last year.. But I believe she was battling some illness the past couple of years.. So, maybe she'll say something more considerate.. Come to think of it though, what my other colleague said to me.. although I knew she didn't intend to hurt my feelings (she did apologize at the end of her shift), I was just in such an emotional mess, that when she first said what she had said, I really took it as an attack and received it as a disrespectful comment. Then, when I talked about it with my counsellors (saw two different ones, one I paid for and saw 3 times, before being referred to the free counselling service), my blood boiled.. even when I tried to explain it to my mum last September about the things my colleagues said to me.. She felt that I was getting angry and frustrated, with raised voice, and more hand gestures..
Let's see if that department can get me start working those 4 hour shifts by February.. I mentioned, my Manager already booked me to work regular full shifts by mid March.. So, I'd like to get this GRTW process going by February.. Plus, my doctor suggested a 4-week period.. so, it'll make sense to start in February. Maybe I'll get a reply from them again tomorrow.. They sent an email over after I sent them the Doctor's note, with more questions to access my situation.. So, I tried to give as much detail as I could (in regards my current abilities to work as I'm moving forward from the grief now).. So, I'll see what they say.. see if they need more information from me.. I don't even know how it works completely.. Are they the ones to give me working shifts or do they still need to work with my Manager, and have my Manager assign those GRTW shifts for me?
@bestVase7265
Take it one step at a time. You can't change what happened in the past and you can't know exactly what will happen in the future.
So focus on that doctor's note. You have answered the questions and will hear back soon. What kinds of things are you doing during the day now? Are you playing any memory games or things like that? Maybe they would help you to prepare to go back to work a bit in February.
My new semester starts next Tuesday. I feel sort of prepared. We will see what my new students are like. @Jaeteuk
So, I just came back from dinner with that friend her and her family. We both got each other gifts. I brought the cookies from Japan for her, along with that gift of thanks. She bought me a little cupcake and a Starbucks gift card.. Her husband paid for the meal.. She had to go visit her sister (her sister is having a relapse of breast cancer) after the meal, and was asked to bring the Korean fried chicken (the store is two doors down from the restaurant).. Her husband and son are going skiing tomorrow too, and their skis are kept at her sister's home, I guess she lives in a bigger place that has more space than where my friend lives.. The place we ate in, is in a strip mall. While waiting for the chicken we chatted a bit more.. She agrees that I should work 2 days a week.. she even said I should work like Mon/Wed or Tues/Thurs.. that way, I could still get a long weekend if I don't work the Friday.. She said she knew a friend who just finished her GRTW, and she was able to choose the days to work.. so, I think, maybe I'll listen to her idea too.. I'll see how it goes.. I'm thinking to start with the later part of the shift first.. so, that I don't need to see certain colleagues, if I start at 4pm.. most of the team is already off.. Only the 12-8pm staff is working.. two are off at 2:30pm, and two are off at 3:30pm.. and parking would be a lot easier to get a spot.. many hospital staff are off between 2:30-3:30pm.
I was hoping to hear from them today.. but I guess they aren't that quick about it.. and I don't know if they work weekends, so, I'll probably hear from them by next week..
So, my brother's dog, Hiro, he leaves tomorrow.. A short stay this time, but he'll back back February 7th.. This time, because I walked him on most days, he's nicer to me.. rather than getting angry barks.. I get the playful happy barks.. I got some licks too.. It's all good now.. I feed him his dinner too, so, when he starts getting hungry, he'll come look for me in my computer room, or he'll sit by the door where I need to go get his food from.. which happens to be right beside my computer room.. So, he would sit by the door, facing inside my room.
So, if the GRTW gets going.. maybe I could start as early as Feb. 3rd.. It'll be nice then.. and work just the 4 weeks.. that way, I get a bit of break before I get back into regular shifts for March 17th.
Oh, a new semester to start for you. Hope you get good students this time too!
@bestVase7265
I am glad that you had such a wonderful dinner and are getting along well with your brother's dog. Sometimes it just takes a while for pets to get comfortable with a situation (and you too).
It is a good idea to have a possible work schedule plan that you can explain. Be sure to tell them why certain days or times work better so they can understand your reasoning. You are right about probably having to wait until Monday.
The schedule and your future will start to work itself out soon. @Jaeteuk
Good idea, if they ask me why those certain days I want off, I will give them the reason that is when most of my doctors are working. Once work gets going again.. the next thing to worry about is.. remember that fear I've mentioned before in regards to my birthday, as years pass by one by one? I think I'm more worried about that more than anything.. and as much as I don't want to blame my mum for how I turned out today.. I do believe that her years of negative comments to me sure doesn't make things better..
@bestVase7265
Remind me of your birthdate again. You are right that blaming your mom at this point isn't going to really help you here. It is really hard, but I like to try to focus just on my own reaction rather than what they might have said.
You also can't change the past. The best you can do is live in the present and try to plan for the future. Think about the good that happened this year - you got to travel with your family which you hadn't done in a long time. It helped you to start to heal from the bad. So you grew. That means that the year ultimately was a successful one.
Maybe you can come up with a few simple things that you want to accomplish in the coming year.
I just turned 38.. You know, every time I feel that I'm full of confidence or I'm feeling good about myself, my mum always end up saying something to me that brings me back down or doubt myself.. it's frustrating, and I hate it..
Hmm.. let me think about what I can do this year..
@bestVase7265
But you know that your mom is wrong, right?? Whatever she says is a poor over-generalization by someone who views things from a past generation, not the current one. She is trying to make you fit in her mold rather than letting you exist in your own. This is a great issue to work on with a therapist.
You are enough. You always have been. Your mother saying something different doesn't change that.
Come up with some small goals for this year. It will help. @Jaeteuk
So, like we've decided, since February 1st.. we've been cooking our own dinners.. Before it started snowing here, I went for a grocery run, bought enough meat to last me for a week.. I've been taking pictures of my dinners the past 4 nights.. Let's just say, every time I've cooked up something, my dad stares at it for a few seconds.. (except tonight, because my parents have plans with their friends, left the house before noon).. I've been cooking up something different each day, all following that recipe book I mentioned earlier. Last night, my mum says that they want to alternate weekends, that we cook for the family.. she asked me to choose the most yummy recipe I've made so far, and cook for the family.. that we'd take turns over the weekend to cook for each other.. I'm the first in the family to finish cooking my meal, that way, it's not like all four of us are standing in the kitchen.. we have an island, but cooking space, where we can chop our ingredients, there's not much room to stand around.. so, we need to cook at different times.. My brother is always the latest, as his work always ends late (still working from home, only need to go into the office 2 times a week).
With mum's idea of cooking our own dinners.. her and dad want to follow a different diet plan.. which is eating a heavier lunch, and having a light dinner.. so, nothing too crazy and fancy for their dinners.. like last night, they just grilled some fish, had some potato salad, and some greens.. Maybe that's why my dad stares at my food.. heheh.. because they are eating more plain and bland flavours.. and here I am, making a new dish each night.. tempting my dad with my food.. heheh.. So, if then end up eating around the same time.. I'd give them each a spoonful of my dish.
My dad and I shovelled one side of the our driveway, the stairs, and the sidewalk yesterday.. last night, we got another 4 inches of snow.. and since my parents need to go out to their friends' for the day, when I woke up around 10am this morning, I went to shovel the snow again.. My dad just pushed the snow to the bottom of the driveway, and I moved it over the pile I created yesterday.. My dad get's out of breath if he's the one that moves the snow to the pile.. and he can only push the snow down the driveway (as it's still light).. if he uses too much strength, he'll complain that he'll be short of breath.. So, once he's done pushing the snow.. I repeatedly told him to stop shovelling the snow (he wanted to shovel the snow on other side of the driveway, where my brother has his car, but I said there's no point, as he doesn't not have snow tires)..
Since we have 3 cars.. my car is placed in the underground parking of one of my parent's friend's condo.. He has a free spot, as his daughter's car is still being imported.. so he has a free space (Uncle's daughter married late last year, and has moved out, so her parking space is empty).. He offered my parents that we could leave one of our cars in the spot during the snowstorm, so, we chose my car. He's letting another church person park in the spot from February 14th and onwards.. So when the time comes to free up the spot for the church person.. by then, if it's still snowing, with the snow tires, at least, we'd be able to get home.. As our home is uphill from that Uncle's place.
So, I finally emailed the workplace for an update on my return to work status.. I ended up getting a reply almost instantly, saying that I'm nearing the top of the queue, and said someone would contact me soon.. I guess there's a waitlist.. lolz.. But, I think I'm aiming to start the gradual return to work by February 18th, 17th is a regional holiday for us.. Since my doctor says to do the GRTW for 4 weeks.. starting by the 18th, would give me the 4 weeks before I'm back working full shifts for March 17th.
For the past few days, I discovered a light patch of skin by my left eyebrow that is itchy.. At first, I thought it was just an allergic reaction to the shampoo.. but, when I did some research online.. it says it's some form of eczema.. I have a prescription lotion for it.. according to the online info, if it doesn't get better in one week while applying the lotion, or the area gets bigger.. then, I should go see a doctor.. So, the earliest appointment I could book for is February 13th.. My mum says, I should book it now.. and if it gets better by then, I could always cancel my appointment.. but I figured, if by then the patch is gone.. I wouldn't cancel my appointment, as I have other concerns I'd like to address with my doctor too..
My IBS has been acting up lately (the past couple of weeks).. I think it could be from the stresses of thinking of returning to work soon.. It doesn't matter what I eat.. What I don't like about it the most is the diarrhea.. I would also like to ask my doctor to give me a blood test requisition to check if I'm having another episode of the diverticulitis.. As I saw that it causes diarrhea too.. and although I'm not experiencing the same type of pain as last year's acute diverticulitis incident, I still have little bursts of pain in the same area once in a while.. I remember last year, because it's an acute case, there was a specific protein that the numbers were high in.. and apparently, it came with a slight fever and increased heart rate/blood pressure.. Since the pain is not constant like before, then, at least, it's not the acute form.. But, I heard that once you have an acute case, recurrence will be higher.. I've been watching what I eat.. Like, I stopped eating oatmeal with chia & hemp seeds.. or any fruit with small seeds.. but, I don't think I'll be able to get a blood test and results before I return to work.. maybe I could get it done during the GRTW weeks.. that way, if anything needs to be done if the results come back positive.. then, I would still have time to deal with it before regular work shifts start in March..
