for @abolex only do not lurk
its a private space kinda , if u ever feel u dont wanna share it in front of loads of people
Okay.... so... Im dealthy scared of growing up, i know, everyone is a little scared of growing old but this is, like.. my worst nightmare, this is pretty much the only thing im actually terrified about, each year at my birthday i always get upset, i cry, i hate my birthdays, it has been like this for years, even tho its supposed to be a fun day, i truly hate it, its always the worst day of the year for me i hate it.. so much, the amount of times i cryed on my birthday, is insane, even when i was getting close to my birthday, i would cry, even months before, i would always think, (Oh no, my birthday is coming in 100 days) and i would cry about it, this might just seem like im just a crybaby, but yes, i am honestly... :( Now... today, is my birthday but its.... not any birthday... im... 18... I just turned 18 not even a hour ago... I have been scared of this for years and years i never ever ever say how old i am to anyone i truly HATE my age i hate it so much, i always did even when i was younger, now im having a full breakdown about it, i cryed so much that my eyes hurt so bad, i cant even cry anymore... Im panicking like crazy i cant even think im just like dead inside, yes, it seems like im just overreating but i promise im not trying to... :( Also i look like im 12... Whenever i said my age, (When i had no choice) people would always think im lying or they would be rlly surprised, i hate it, and i also sound like a kid too i have not aged up physically in years in years i look the same from pictures i took years ago... Actually last year, i was at school and there was like groups with like 11-12 year olds and a random teacher asked me if i was lost and if i was looking for my group, they didnt even ask me, Are u new, do u belong here? or something like that... She just assumed that i was new, i dont match my age at all, another reason why i hate it more then anything.. also i might seem mature from the way i type but in reality im not mature either, i just type like this because im a moderator in many places, for big content creators and others, so im simply used to typing like this, in real life its not like this at all, maybe i should stop being so childish.. so now what am i supposed to do, lie, avoid saying it all the time?... i have no clue... im rlly rlly scared i feel horrible.... i have so much more to say but i dont want to make a book and make u guys have to read so much, thats already too much, i know, im gonna get judged for this... im awake of it.... Also PLEASE dont wish me a happy birthday, its not a happy birthday, its a i hate this birthday more then anything in my life, im already gonna have to deal with a lot of happy birthdays, im a youtuber, and i have A LOT of friends, and my familly will wish me happy birthday) I wonder what im gonna do tomorrow... im trying to cry as much as i can now so i dont burst tomorrow but... idk if i will handle it, its hard to act happy all the time when we feel terrible in reality, i dont even sleep anymore and it also causes me to have other personal issues, its rlly badddd... honestly, i feel like i will never be happy ever again......... :(
@Abolex another thing my voice is like 7 yr old, that made me insecure for alot of yrs but then i slowly accepted who i am . let me list the things that made me / makes me insecure.
hyperpigmentation in different areas on my body
my size, im curvy with a belly that looks gross
i have strech marks
but i also have many things im proud of
i can speak 4 languages
i am emotionally matue
Ohh okay, honestly i love the way i sound and look, i just dont like my age, it feels like my age is just a random number that i found somewhere since it doesnt match me at all, when we are between 1-20 and someones think we are 5 years younger or older then we actually are, theres something a little wrong... I feel like people that are older are harder to know their age accurately based on how they look....
@Abolex u have good parents ( i think so...) so u feel whtever age u wanna feel. you are good person abolex you deserve to be happy , dont overthink abt aging ; Aging only makes u better , it gives u lessons that u will never forget , it makes your graceful , it shapes your personality and constantly makes you better. i dont know anything abt your friends, if they r good ppl then good for u , but if they r selfish and disgusting , F the friends who make fun of u to hurt u. i mean i rn have no friend cz whoever treated me wrong i said '' F off i dont care abt your F-ing opinion, at first i was hurt that im unlikeable but i slowly realized they werent my ppl.
Also im sorry if it seems like im bragging, i promise i dont mean to brag, i dont think im better then anyone, we all have our strenghts and weakness... :(
@Abolex another tiny piece of advice, Share your feelings and problems and whatever bothers you, im not sayin tell ''me'' or share with ''me'' . share with who u r comfortable with, if u can share with someone irl its better. dont bottle up, i am on this app cz i dont have anyone irl and i know bottling up will result in me breaking down and self harming , thats why i share it with ppl , there r good listeners some of em r not so good, but i managed to talk with a person who is nice and whenevr smthin bothers me i leave her a msg. maybe u can talk to pixie or any other listener and kinda stick to 1 or 2 person so u r comfortable . i hope letting out helped u relief a bit, take care love!
Im trying to but its rlly hard... :( This was the first time i ever shared something so personal to anyone, i would never have the courage to share it in real life tho because whatever i do, everyone always end up knowing important or personal things i share somehow.. :( I know from past experiences, at least no one knows who i actually am on here so i dont have to worry about it.... Ty for the help take care too
@Abolex give e a few mins to read
Did u read it? :(
@affableField3274 so i read the whole thing , and i wanna give u a lil advice , im turnin 18 in 5 months so we r not that apart in age; and based on what u said i just felt something , u r opposite of what i am and after u read this u will know why. so its okay to feel childishh or look like a child , i dont know if u believe in this or not, but i am a bit spiritual ; there was one thing i read once and it totally made sense . it said '' your physical age is the age everyone knows , but your spiritual age is different, this could be your first lifetime or maybe your 5th. you might be 18 and feel like 18 im 17 and i feel like 35. this could be your first lifetime and so u might feel childish sometimes. okay the other thing u said that physically u look 12 everyone looks different babe i remember being in 7th grade and ppl assumed i am in highschool or college bcz of how i look, i know its insensitive to say this rn , but when u r gonna look 25 when u r 35 so brightside... ( sorry if i offended) you said u r a moderator of a youtube channel or smthing , it makes total sense why u feel like a child , cz u r doing a job of an adult while being a child, 18 is the ''legal adult age'' that doesnt mean u ''have'' to be.
Mhm... yeah... i guess thats not wrong i understand where u are coming from... :( Ty, that helped a tiny little bit.. :(
@affableField3274 and whoever u r; i dont know u personally but i can surely tell i thing , u r doing such a good job at a very young age. you r scared of growing up and all i ever wanted was to grow up , cz of my terrible household . i am constantly failing classes and stressing abt college
Ohh.... well, thank you... but, when i think about it, this might seem like a weird reason but i was ALWAYS the youngest in my friend groups back then, i also started school very early so i was always 1 year younger then everyone in my class, not only age wise, but physically, i just looked young also so i was always, being treated like a "child" by my old friends i also have a big brother, my parents also treat me like a child, even to this day... Maybe i just got so used to be like the "child" all the time, that my age just doesnt match because of that... and that makes me scared because im so used to be the "child" I should probably try to toughen up a bit.. :(
@Abolex if u write a book abt yourself , imma read it , i will listen to u bcz i know how it feels when u have no one who gets u. and yk wht, im gonna say it.
Happy birthday , its a blessing that u exist as a wonderful human that i got to know, getting old is scary , but u have experiences that will help you.
i have a theory about birthday and aging ; now that u r 18 , that doesnt mean u r just ''18'' . You are all ages before that and 18, when u feel like u wanna gulp down that 1000ml of soda thats the 10 yr old in you. when u feel u wanna slam the doors bcz u had a bad day thats the 14 yr old you. when u feel an accomplishment of a very hard task thats the 16 year old you. when you feel you are an adult thats the 18 yr old you.
Awww okay, thank you...
@Abolex look life is hard , but also all the situations are temporary, nothing last forever that includes happiness as well. some days r harder than others and thats okay , you r strong enough to face it and come out the other side
Technically that will last forever tho.... :( Im still scared and upset honestly but all that did help a bit tho, so ty
hey @abolex i know u r a bit shy when u r in the group chats and i totally get it , its no big deal
i know u r very protective of your identity as well which is great , i dont have the 7 cups app,
also u might be a famous person but at the end of the day u r a human, and its good thing am not a fan of gaming or anything , so u r not a celeb to me , u r just a friend who needs to share whts going on .
and again its totally upto you , if u feel comfortable , or else we can always talk here 💙