for @abolex only do not lurk
its a private space kinda , if u ever feel u dont wanna share it in front of loads of people
Okay.... so... Im dealthy scared of growing up, i know, everyone is a little scared of growing old but this is, like.. my worst nightmare, this is pretty much the only thing im actually terrified about, each year at my birthday i always get upset, i cry, i hate my birthdays, it has been like this for years, even tho its supposed to be a fun day, i truly hate it, its always the worst day of the year for me i hate it.. so much, the amount of times i cryed on my birthday, is insane, even when i was getting close to my birthday, i would cry, even months before, i would always think, (Oh no, my birthday is coming in 100 days) and i would cry about it, this might just seem like im just a crybaby, but yes, i am honestly... :( Now... today, is my birthday but its.... not any birthday... im... 18... I just turned 18 not even a hour ago... I have been scared of this for years and years i never ever ever say how old i am to anyone i truly HATE my age i hate it so much, i always did even when i was younger, now im having a full breakdown about it, i cryed so much that my eyes hurt so bad, i cant even cry anymore... Im panicking like crazy i cant even think im just like dead inside, yes, it seems like im just overreating but i promise im not trying to... :( Also i look like im 12... Whenever i said my age, (When i had no choice) people would always think im lying or they would be rlly surprised, i hate it, and i also sound like a kid too i have not aged up physically in years in years i look the same from pictures i took years ago... Actually last year, i was at school and there was like groups with like 11-12 year olds and a random teacher asked me if i was lost and if i was looking for my group, they didnt even ask me, Are u new, do u belong here? or something like that... She just assumed that i was new, i dont match my age at all, another reason why i hate it more then anything.. also i might seem mature from the way i type but in reality im not mature either, i just type like this because im a moderator in many places, for big content creators and others, so im simply used to typing like this, in real life its not like this at all, maybe i should stop being so childish.. so now what am i supposed to do, lie, avoid saying it all the time?... i have no clue... im rlly rlly scared i feel horrible.... i have so much more to say but i dont want to make a book and make u guys have to read so much, thats already too much, i know, im gonna get judged for this... im awake of it.... Also PLEASE dont wish me a happy birthday, its not a happy birthday, its a i hate this birthday more then anything in my life, im already gonna have to deal with a lot of happy birthdays, im a youtuber, and i have A LOT of friends, and my familly will wish me happy birthday) I wonder what im gonna do tomorrow... im trying to cry as much as i can now so i dont burst tomorrow but... idk if i will handle it, its hard to act happy all the time when we feel terrible in reality, i dont even sleep anymore and it also causes me to have other personal issues, its rlly badddd... honestly, i feel like i will never be happy ever again......... :(
@Abolex if u write a book abt yourself , imma read it , i will listen to u bcz i know how it feels when u have no one who gets u. and yk wht, im gonna say it.
Happy birthday , its a blessing that u exist as a wonderful human that i got to know, getting old is scary , but u have experiences that will help you.
i have a theory about birthday and aging ; now that u r 18 , that doesnt mean u r just ''18'' . You are all ages before that and 18, when u feel like u wanna gulp down that 1000ml of soda thats the 10 yr old in you. when u feel u wanna slam the doors bcz u had a bad day thats the 14 yr old you. when u feel an accomplishment of a very hard task thats the 16 year old you. when you feel you are an adult thats the 18 yr old you.
@Abolex look life is hard , but also all the situations are temporary, nothing last forever that includes happiness as well. some days r harder than others and thats okay , you r strong enough to face it and come out the other side
@Abolex another thing my voice is like 7 yr old, that made me insecure for alot of yrs but then i slowly accepted who i am . let me list the things that made me / makes me insecure.
hyperpigmentation in different areas on my body
my size, im curvy with a belly that looks gross
i have strech marks
but i also have many things im proud of
i can speak 4 languages
i am emotionally matue
Ohh okay, honestly i love the way i sound and look, i just dont like my age, it feels like my age is just a random number that i found somewhere since it doesnt match me at all, when we are between 1-20 and someones think we are 5 years younger or older then we actually are, theres something a little wrong... I feel like people that are older are harder to know their age accurately based on how they look....
hey @abolex i know u r a bit shy when u r in the group chats and i totally get it , its no big deal
i know u r very protective of your identity as well which is great , i dont have the 7 cups app,
also u might be a famous person but at the end of the day u r a human, and its good thing am not a fan of gaming or anything , so u r not a celeb to me , u r just a friend who needs to share whts going on .
and again its totally upto you , if u feel comfortable , or else we can always talk here 💙
